I am needing some advice My son who is now in his early thirties is moving back up to Queensland from Victoria and wants to stay with us until he finds a home for him and his family who will be up later. Now my problem my son used to have a temper when he lived with us last I had to ask him to leave as he was beating me up all the time. Now if he raises his voice to me I find myself cowering I am worried about him coming to stay but my hubby says he has changed I need to give him a chance but I am worried what do I do. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this situation.

Posted by Tina, 20th November 2016

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  • Lay down some boundaries before he moves in. Let him know exactly the action you will take if he over steps the mark. You need to look after you, but your son needs a second chance too. I would also be worried about his wife and children :/ does he abuse them?


  • I’m sorry you are at your wits end, I know what it is like when any bloke gets out of temper especially if it is one of your kids. A friend of mine has a similar problem and sadly he has turned into an alcoholic who punches walls. Thanks to God he never laid a hand on his parents or her but she avoids him because he lives in denial and cannot change. What you need to do is talk to him directly and then make a judgement yourself. If you are still unsure that means anything can happen can’t it ? Did your hub see him to confirm he has changed ? Its do easy for someone to say that but only you will know your son . Beating up someone is a form of domestic violence and it is unacceptable regardless of who he is . Maybe if you have Skype , you can talk to him on video and see how you feel about him and go from there. If you feel any uncertainty then maybe your instinct is correct that he hasn’t changed. Hope it works out for you and your family .


  • If I was you I would openly speak out my fears to my son, together with my husband. Make clear he’s welcome under the condition he keeps his temper, that shouting and beating or anything like that isn’t accepted in my house. And that in the case this occurs he has to leave instantly.


  • Set a time limit if he is to stay with you eg two weeks, and have a chat with his wife to make sure she is really going to follow him up… This could be her way out of the marriage,, if he treats her the same.. I would also start sending him links to houses avalible for rent before he even arrives so he knows what is avalible.. MY parents down sized their house so their was only one spare room and that has a awful fold out couch in it to sleep on.. (when the grand kids stay they bring out the blow up bedding for comfort but thats our little secret).. They have done this to stop my brother lobbing on them everytime his life gets hard…


  • This looks like a very daunting situation. Are you sure you want lo let him come? People change, that’s true. But if he was so violent with you, I wouldn’t feel safe having him around.
    Personally I wouldn’t allow him to come and live with me. :-(


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