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Im nearly 50 and my children all have their own life, my middle child loves to pick fights with me and blames me for everything that seems to go wrong inn her life now shes making up lies and has her siblings on her side, when i try to explain and tell the real story she thinks its me whose the liar. Now the other kids have started the same and it seems when i have a conversation with the ex husband he goes back with a story that doesn’t even match the same that i just told him…. I have given to them and still do, am i wrong now to think I should step back and leave them to themselves?


Posted by mom183150, 28th April 2016


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  • You are not wrong to steal back. you do what you feel you need to do. Take care of yourself x

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  • Maybe step back and take some time to reflect and look after yourself. Remain in contact with everyone, but do not engage in any discussion or action that is negative.

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  • I will be 50 next year and I know how you feel as you devoted your whole life to your kids and feel lost . BUT there is always hope and good that comes out of this . The last few years I have been doing volunteering and I wished that I did this sooner . In the beginning it is always hard to ” let go ” and feel you have lost them etc. In fact it is the opposite . Once you find your own direction and ignore them a bit , it is amazing how you will be respected more . Look after yourself and don’t worry too much about everyone else . It’s your turn now . Good luck

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  • In your situation, I personally would take a step back and take ME time. Sometimes when we do so much for people they became very unappreciative and in a way think its compulsory for you to do it. I once heard an old foreign saying that went along the lines of ‘sometimes when you give someone a hand, they want the whole arm’. Take time for yourself and let them feel what it is without having you to run to, blame, judge or take their frustrations out on. Good luck and wish you all the best x

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  • Find a direction that suites you, people seem to remember the hard times not all the good times that happen, Yes go out of way way every special birthday and anniversary to stay in touch and let the family know they are loved in the hope one day they will return… Totally leave the ex out of any contact at all as he has his story to tell which will be different yours if you had a nasty break up and feels the need to win the kids over… occasionally invite all kids and grandkids and partners over for a meal not on the big days that matter eg christmas and mothers day but other days and hope that will win out in the end… Use the excuse its just to have the family together again and invite the ex if you have to on the grounds no bad words are to be spoken about eachother to prove to the kids and off spring this is a new begining not a ending to the family…. Maybe the kids are angry about the way the things ended with your ex… They do not need to know the story to why it really happened just that there is a future for you all…

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  • Look after yourself. It is amazing how often life ends up one awful “Chinese whispers” with everyone getting the facts wrong. I see it myself in subtle turns of phrase that I take one way and which are explained to me in a totally different way.. SOMETIMES it helps me see how we’re talking about the same thing and just had a misunderstanding (that I’m usually the only one to get!) and it can be hurtful to be accused because the other party can’t see the confusion or is too “immature” to let themselves be “wrong” while you explain it… step back… recover…. sort out the hurt feelings you must have….and maybe one day try and work out just what is going on in the communication and try and fix it up so you can enjoy each other as adults.

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  • Nope, take a step back, give yourself and them time and space. My hubby’s sisters tried to do the same to him when his mum died. 2 of them wanted to destroy him and spread terrible, horrible lies about him. Luckily the ones who really know him, didn’t believe the stories

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  • I agree with you; it is time to take a step back and let them all see the reality of the situation. My middle child is just like that but fortunately for me, the rest of the family, knows what the truth is. It wasn’t always like this. I just stood back and let the middle child carry on. There is no point arguing with someone who does not see reason and live in a make believe world of their own. Hopefully as they mature, they will come around to see that we were right after all. My middle child is slowly getting better as the rest of us does not pay any heed to the dramas and lies anymore. Good luck and I hope things will improve. Be patient.

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  • Maybe take a step back… But don’t leave their lives.

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  • It might be time to step back a little bit. It must be a very hard position to be in.

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  • Just be you & be their mum but perhaps take a step back. The dust will settle

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  • It doesn’t look very nice the way they treat you. I don’t think it’s bad to step back a little. But not too much indeed. You don’t want to lose them.

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  • I suppose it depends a lot on their age. Sounds like a very hard situation. Stepping back a bit can sometimes help, but still keep in contact. You are their mum and they appreciate you, even if they don’t and won’t always show it.

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