Going back 4 years ago if you had of told me I would be a mother to a 9 month old boy, engaged to be married, living the life of a defence wife (on your own mostly) and not working but instead cleaning and cooking and constantly washing, I would have surely turned around and laughed in your face. I honestly never thought at my age would I be doing the things I am, I can assure you I regret none of it, it has definitely made me the person I am today. A strong, happy and lovable girl who enjoys the simplest things in laugh. This character is far from what I was 4 years ago.
Firstly, I will let you know who I am and where I came from. My name is Caitlyn and I am 22 years old. I went from being an 18 year old girl who had just come out of a long term relationship with someone almost 6 years older than me. For most of my teenage years I had been with him and missed out on doing all that a normal 16 year old girl would do. While my friends were partying and sneaking out, I was with him watching a movie on a Saturday night, or I’d be at my house on a Saturday night while he was out clubbing. Looking back now I regret all of this and wished I had of made the most of the teenage experiences, But I was a love struck girl in a relationship with the person I’d be with for the rest of my life. He decided that after 4 years of being in a relationship with me we had done all that needed to be done and while I was ready to move in together, working and travel he was still wrapped up in his motorsport hoping to hit the big time and quite happy to be 27 and living with his mum and dad forever. He was also interested in the little blonde that bounced around our local neighbourhood…
So we went our separate ways, I ended up in Melbourne living with my cousin and as far as I know he still lives with his parents and the blonde.
I let loose, partying, drinking, drugs and more partying. I was off the rails for a while there and it got a bit scary. At the time I thought it was what I needed to do to make up for all I had missed out on. It was what I thought I was meant to do when being released into this new found freedom. It wasn’t. I was still unhappy, still broke and still not getting anywhere in life. Then all of a sudden someone popped back into my life who I went to high school with. Justin.
Fast forward 4 years and we are engaged, living in a beautiful home with our amazing son. Beau wasn’t planned but hey aren’t all the best things in life surprises? I realised as soon as I met my baby for the first time that I was meant to be a mother. I have so much love to give and I realised that it was meant for him and my fiancé. While my friends continue to party, travel and work I am home with my family, cooking, cleaning and washing (have you ever thought that washing is infinite? the clothes you are wearing while washing will need to be washed and so on.. scary huh?). I am happy to do that, I am happy to love my family and do what I need to, to support them where I can. But it’s not all rainbows and fairies. There’s poo, vomit, tantrums and sleepless nights. Oh and teeth.. lots of sharp little teeth that make an appearance weeks after the pain and crying starts. Bastards. all of them. There’s lots of self doubt and criticism, ‘Am I doing enough?, are we earning enough money?, Am I doing the right thing as a mum?, Does my son need to know that?, Are we in the right place in our relationship?’. All those wonderful things that run through our minds everyday. But we aren’t the only ones. there are so may of us all thinking the same thing, but it’s only when someone says them out loud we stop and breathe a sigh of relief. ‘It’s not just me, I’m not a bad mum/wife/girlfriend, I can do this’.
I don’t want to be a housewife forever. Those that do, good on you and well done. If you’re like me though then just know it’s ok to. I want to return to work, I want to have balance in my house where it’s not just me that does all that needs to be done here, I want to have time where I can walk away from mummy and house duties and just become Caitlyn the girl who works in the beauty salon down the road.
Until then though, I am enjoying every precious moment, every cry and every stinky nappy because those times I am never going to get back.
Oh the life of a housewife! the good bad and the ugly!
I’d love to hear your stories, comments and opinions!!
Posted by caitlync, 14th April 2014