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My 11 yr old son went to his fathers new girl friends house for the weekend and while I try to get my ex to spend more time with our son, I was so annoyed when he came home and told me a few things that happened on the weekend. 1 he was offered a donut for breakfast, 2 he slept on a matteress on the floor in the lough room 3 his precious ex has been threating him and when she rang they (ex and new girlfriend) where making out they where havin sex in front of my son (my son thought it was funny I on the other hand think its disgusting to do that in front of a child) and worse still my son sore a bong in there bedroom and they said we don’t have it all the time only on special occasions WTH so basically they told my child its ok to have drugs on special occasions. I don’t know how to handle this some good advice would be welcome so, im so upset over this and I know I have to confront my ex about his standards and what exceptable and this is NOT…


Posted anonymously, 11th May 2015


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  • Tell his direct it is unacceptable because he is telling him it is ok for everything . However the problem is if he was like that before he became the Ex , then he may not change. My brother and ex have been divorced for 7 years and you think they would change -NOPE . If he wont listen , maybe talk to his girlfriend then maybe there’s a chance ( only a maybe )

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  • I think you just need to be straight out and blunt with your ex that none of that is acceptable for your 11 year old!! That is really sad that he is exposed to that, especially when you are just trying to get his dad to spend time with him – good on you! But I think you definitely need to be straight out with him, no beating around the bush. Oh, and document EVERYTHING!

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  • Wow.. I don’t understand how anyone thinks its ok to have sex or drugs in front of their children of any age. Just not right

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  • I am all for people having the right to live their lives however they see fit but draw the line when they choose to let a child witness certain acts or lifestyle choices! Not sure what the best line of action is for you here but maybe legal advice so that your ex has supervised time with your son? Good luck!

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  • wow sex and a bong – I dont know how id react in yout position but thats not on no matter WHO YOU ARE.. confront him and do not stand for it. also let your son know this behaviour isnt ok.

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  • I would seek legal advice.

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  • Donuts for breakfast and sleeping in the lounge aren’t so bad, probably VERY different to your style of parenting. But pretending to have sex and a bong are NOT ok. I don’t have any advice, just support that you’re right to talk to him about it. Good luck!

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  • This is disgusting behaviour. I’m a very open minded person and this is appalling. I would speak to your ex directly and try to sort out if everything you found out had been miscommuincated somehow (slim chance but still try). If nothing forms from there than I would speak to child services. It is wrong to have intercourse in front of a child at any age netherlone pretty much introducing drugs to them. The boy might of just laughed it off as he was embarrassed. It’s good that he has told you though.

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  • I would have to agree with the previous ladies posts. Lawyer for parenting agreements and expectations for sure. What terrible things they do to taunt you.. I hope all works out.

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  • The care and protection of a child is the number one priority of any parent and your story indicates that many rules about protection have been broken. The impact of a child being exposed to unsuitable and inappropriate acts at this age can be abusive and damaging. Most certainly seek legal advice and take steps to ensure the welfare and well being of your child.


    • I totally agree. Its simply not acceptable and legal advice might be your only option.

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  • I would go to your lawyer and get some parenting rules set down.

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  • I would call a counselling service and protective agencies if my ex partner did something like this. I know it’s your situation but I personally think your ex crossed manly lines by having sex in front of your child, having drugs in the house and having his girlfriend threaten your son. None of this is acceptable and much of what he’s done could get him into trouble with the police. Your ex needs to speak to someone to get help and address his behaviour. I would not allow my child to visit his father if he acted this way so please get into contact with some professionals for the benefit of your son.

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  • That’s terrible. You poor thing.
    I agree with seeking legal advice. If there are drugs, is he really fit to be looking after your child

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  • I think you need to talk to a professional counsellor about how to handle this. For example, you’ll probably need to prioritise – let the mattress issue go for now, for example, but focus on the drugs and sex.


    • Agreed. Something definitely needs to be done and said.

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  • Doesn’t sound like he’s a good influence, I would seriously consider ways to curb his access. Try legal aid for some advise.

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