The last 5 weeks have been a nightmare for us as a family. We sent our beautiful four year old son to a kindergarten in a quiet rural town, only a street away from where we live. In between working full time I assisted with library visits and my husband assisted at times as well. The kindy teacher was male but married so I thought the place was safe. They also had a femal assistant and looked after no more than 25 kids. The last day my son attended kindy he was a little quiet when hubby picked him up. That morning at 3am he woke up screaming and couldn’t be consoled. He said some things which didn’t make sense and led to us believeing sexual assault had occured while our child was in kindy. We took him to 2 hospitals, spoke with police numerous times and various counsellors. The counsellors agreed our child was showing signs of sexual abuse while the police told us “we were reading too much into signs which were only indicators of sexual abuse and not proof”. They told us because he didn’t have proof that they weren’t investigating the kindy. Even worse was when I told the police that our child had told us that he was removed from the kindy (without our permission) and the police said that was not an offense! he said he didn’t find anything criminal about a male teacher removing a male child to get them something to eat and drink somewhere! They didn’t even test our childs clothes and underwear for DNA and said they simply would not believe us in court as “they would get 20 people to vouch for his good reputation!”. We have been left feeling traumatised and angry at the system and feel immense sorrow over the loss of our childs innocence. We had previously taught that nobody was allowed to touch private parts but now we have learnt that protective behaviours is much more involved than that. You need to teach children the correct names of the body parts and to say No, it’s my body and run to a safe adult. You need to teach them who is safe to go to. The police expect four year olds to be able to tell them in detail what somebody has done to them (as this is apparantly the only proof they will accept). We have been told that teaching protective behaviours is the first level of protection. As I told the police – due to them doing absolutely nothing to protect children I am going to give up my job or heavily reduce the hours that I work so that I can homeschool my two boys as there is no way that I can send my precious children to school, in case this happens again. As it is I feel like I’ve had my heart wrenched from me and it’s so difficult when you have to be strong for your children, function at work and come home to a child who now sleeps in your bed….. there is just no space for crying… and it makes your heart ache. Not to mention the marital problems we now face. Child sexual abuse affects the whole family on so many levels. It is difficult having intercourse and intimacy after this has happened to a child and I hope that in sharing our story, you will think about these things, be viligant for signs of something being not quite right and able to act on that. May you have courage to know that you’re not alone if this has happened to your family and know that slowly and surely recovery follows. And please…please… put alot of thought into the way which you teach your children to protect themselves…..
Posted by preggiegoddess01, 22nd April 2013