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Bloody MIL. Seriously want to just yell at her however hubby says that’s not productive. I haven’t been at work for a month due to my PND/PTS/head issues – had a relapse. Hubby has already taken a few carers days to look after me. Teenager has taken a few days off school to look after me. I’ve finally got medical clearance to go back next week and Miss 2 comes down with hand foot & mouth which has been going around daycare. No daycare for week. Call MIL (she lives 80 minutes away) as a suggestion she come stay with us for a few days. No, she can’t miss her photography class and she’s already got SIL kids each day. She has those kids every day! I’m so over not having family support and the ones we do have, aren’t willing to help. What do other people do in these situations? No one ever comes to visit us. The only way we see them is if we travel to their homes. Which is so tiring given I’m already not at my best. And what really annoys me most of all is that MIL has a doctor who continually writes medical certificates to say she doesn’t have to work and can stay on sick benefits. Whilst the SIL get ahead financially, we struggle to pay our mortgage. I’m already close to losing my job (maybe not but this is a fear in my head) – which is adding another stress to my anxiety levels. I just don’t know how people do it. I see hubby guttered that his family won’t help and I can’t do a thing about it.


Posted anonymously, 4th November 2014


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  • I would jump at the opportunity to help out with my grandkids. I would drop everything to be there any time. But I can’t due to distance

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  • I had a different problem growing up. My MIL was too intruding as a habit ( as she sacrificed for all her kids too much ) and my mother couldn’t help and all she did was criticised with negative comments . Your MIL sounds like she is doing too much on one side of the family and trying to enjoy her hobby hence don’t have the time to help . It also sounds like you have a lot of stress built up from everything at once ( plus being not well )and you have had enough . I was like that a long time ago and I stopped and thought , I am doing too much and forgot about ME . That is what is happening . Don’t do too much and only do what is really needed , one day at a time and it is amazing how things will fix itself . Talk to a good counsellor if need to , but look after yourself first .

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  • Well, honestly, you in laws have lives, you don’t really expect them to drop everything and run to you at the drop of a hat! Although that would be nice. She regularly has SILs kids, she might feel she doesn’t want to drop her in it by pulling out of her regular babysitting. I don’t have any family close by , the ones that are, I simply wish they didn’t :/

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  • Sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you take everything on your own shoulders, you can’t fix the inlaws or their apparent preference to look after sil kids. Seems to be a common occurrence. I think it is easier for mil to bond with their daughter’s children whereas they feel a sense of imposition with their son’s children or that they can’t do or say certain things. We don’t have anyone reliable to help us either. All good friends have young children too and most family live more than an hr away. It seems therebare 2 groups of people – those that rely heavily on family for help raising their kids (like your sil, mine and people I work with), then there is the rest of us. Hope you are continuing to get support from your immediate family (husband, teenager).

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  • Maybe it is best if your husband discusses this issue with her and outlines why you need help. She may manage to listen if the conversation is 1:1 with your husband.

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  • you sound just like me. my mil is nothing but more drama so I have just tried to spend as little a time with them as possible. Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch hope it starts to work out soon.

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  • Hope things have improved for you.

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  • In emergencies I rely on my best friend. My parents and my grandparents live in the same town about 90mins away. Both my parents work and my grandparents will only visit or come if asked and even that is not always a sure thing. My hubby’s mum lives overseas, so that is out of the question. This is why I struggle returning to work…hubby’s crazy hours, no babysitters and no after hours or weekend day care. Family’s that can rely on family to help out are extremely lucky!

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  • Sometimes you cannot rely on family and its much better trying to ask friends for help. We seem to believe grandparents are on call babysitters, I say don’t take anything for granted. Just my opinion.

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  • This is really common, I think. We rely heavily on some wonderful friends in emergencies.

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  • I wouldn’t ask anymore and wouldn’t bother visiting either, or get your hubby to say we came last time you can come to us as you guys have been sick etc…. Try and think of the positives sounds like your family at home have been supportive and they are the people you are surrounded by.

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  • Mil seem to think about themselves sometimes and favour sil. myself in some Bout and it is hard but i think They take kids When They feel like it. we Dnt bother Asking anymore. we useto live. a 45min drive away but now we live closer it feels like we arĂ© under their thumbs.

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