THESE ARE SOME FACTS ABOUT MOTHERHOOD THAT NO-ONE TALKS ABOUT!
PRIVACY- you will not be needing this anymore because as soon as you have a child, you will have an audience and cheerleaders. It’s the little things like going to the toilet that become public property- can’t shut the door or they scream or poke things under the door and will announce “mummy you stink!” (just like you do when they go potty) and “yay you did a poo!”
MEMORY- you will get amnesia the moment they are born. just try to remember what life was like before children and it will all be a blur.
MOUNTAIN- this word will never be used to describe scenery or paperwork again….ever. buy a big washing machine- think about what size you have now and then go four sizes bigger or maybe play it safe and just go five
WORD SCRAMBLE- will not be a game on your phone. this is what will happen when you are just trying to talk and names roll into one “so yesterday i saw johndaveben climb a tree” or during investigations “johndaveben who tipped rice bubbles in my bed/cat bowl/toilet?”
LAWYER- it doesn’t matter what your LBC (life before child) occupation was, because among your many jobs of being a taxi driver/teacher/nurse/critic/chef/cleaner/entertainer/actor, you will get a new degree in law and your best wins will always end in “because i said so!”
They don’t tell you that it’s the best thing that you’ll ever do and you will feel a new intense kind of love in the exact moment that their eyes meet yours for the very first time
Posted by mom94125, 3rd October 2014