My eldest son ethan (7) doesnt know that his dad isnt his biological dad, the time has come to tell him as he is becoming aware of his different last name and i think is old enough to understand some aspects of why he doesnt know his real dad..7yrs ago i was pregnant with him and i was single his dad was not there for me he didnt ring or hardly come visit me so i ended our relationship he was also suffering from schitzophrenia and wasnt really mentally stable. I tried to give it another try after we had ethan but when he was a month old i got a call from his mum that she found a letter he written and it said he was going to kill me and ethan, and that was the last time i spoke to his dad. So now im going to tell him that he has another dad and that hes to sick to see him just now and that maybe when hes older he can see him.

Posted by carmenhopkins40, 10th December 2013

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  • I think that’s a good approach to take.


  • I hope that conversation went well!! My oldest who is almost 7, has a different dad to his 3 siblings. Although my mother (when we were talking to her) thought it was better to let him know that my partner isn’t his dad as soon as he could somewhat understand. I think she told him when he was about 4 years old. He asks questions and stuff, especially when silly people point out his one difference (every one in our family has blue eyes, but he has beautiful big brown eyes =) ) But he know’s he is loved and he know’s my partner isn’t his real dad, but I think he has come to understand that it is all ok because he is with people that want him, love him and care for him…


  • Sounds like a plan. Tread careful. How did it go?


  • I’d wait until later, but that’s me, you know when the best time is.
    Good luck xx


  • would you like to share how you dealt with this? i hope that he was ok with it all. it is a big deal to him


  • I think your son too young to know the truth. Better wait until he become teenager.


  • this is os horrible but i would never tell my son. he loves his dad although he is his real dad it would break his heart if it wasnt


  • Thanks for ur advice but I believe my son can handle it and is able to understand some of what’s going on, if he’s asks me a question I will tell him.. I’m not going to tell him much atm will keep the big details for later :) he’s already clueing on to not having the same last name as his siblings which hurts me a little I would like to change it but I ll prob leave that upto him . I think the earlier the better if u do it to late I think it’s harder for them :)

    • I agree. Telling him in a simple way and letting him come to you with his questions.


  • I would personally tell him his dad is not his biological dad and explain very simply.
    Let him ask the age appropriate question over time to get more details


  • I was told that my stepfather wasn’t my father when I was eight, I had my stepfathers surname as they had changed it when I was two. Children can be amazingly understanding, expecially if you tell the whole truth. Goodluck and I do believe your son will be fine.


  • Hi Hun I do personally believe 7 is a little to young to be telling him and yes it won’t be easywhen u do tel him. My son dad left me when I told him I was pregnant so my son doesn’t knw him he’s not even on my son birth certificate my son has my last name (which if u chose to u can get it changed with birth deaths and marriages) my son us nearly 6 but iv decided it’s in his best interest to wait til he’s 10 befor I tel him as that’s the age in a court room a child nw has a say and wil be able to understand alot better. But in saying that it is ur choice u kne what is vest for him as ur his mother just like I knw what I believe is best for my son. Good luck Hun sending u hugs


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