I am currently going through a Domestic Violence situation. I was in the relationship for 6 years and separated so far for 3 1/2. this is such a long story and i don’t really know where to start. I am 26 and have two beautiful daughters. I have only just started to bring myself out of the DV cycle and trying to regain control of my life. The hard part is my eldest daughter has witnessed so much and now that her father is not allowed near us, she is torn with her emotions. I am so worried about her. as much as she is better off without the situation, i feel horrible that she is in this situation. before anyone says it, I have heard it all, “it is not your fault”, “it was his choice” etc etc. I truly understand this and i realise that he was violent and he was bad for our children and myself but i can’t help but feel guilty.

the point of this story is that after mediation that my ex partner asked for was agreed upon in court i honestly believed that we would make a parenting plan and he would see the kids supervised and that would be it. maybe my head is still stuck in the DV cycle, i’m not sure. i really got the wake up call of my life.

everything we have been through and putting the children through all that is a major concern. we’re now seeing counselors and various other DV groups. it is so hard and i really am starting to realise why so many people just give up.

the wake up call was a massive shock…she said to me that if i cared enough about my children like i say i do then what am i willing to do…

i sat there thinking i would do anything to protect my children but am now faced with the fact that i am going to have to fight to the death and make sure i have affidavits and tonnes of evidence to support my claims…

i have the proof but even after everything i am feeling the guilt that he will loose his job, he will loose everything. i don’t understand why i feel so bad and it really hurts taking my children’s father away. i am so confused. any advice would be great because i’m just going through everything over and over in my head and i’m lost

Posted by rangamum, 5th October 2013

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  • Lots of good advice has been posted. I hope your situation has improved.


  • i know that you are concerned for him because what happens to him affects your children directly. i hope that you have sorted this out by now


  • hi,
    thanks for being so honest and sharing your story. yes, the mentality that comes with family violence is identifying with the perpetrator’s of violence, leaving the situation is only the first step in recover for you and your girls is learning to think about yourself and your girls as top priority and being kind to yourself and your girls is going to be a long road, make sure you and your girls see proper professional counselling and psychology which is offered through victims services. baby steps and chin up :) your future will look better and better. no body deserves to feel unsafe or uncomfortable and abuse is more than physical, its psychological, emotional and psychosocial. practice mantras about positive thinking stick positive messages and happy pictures around your house and don’t give up, you deserve happiness :)


  • You will all get through this. Congratulations on taking this huge step. You must protect your children and yourself from this man. I know that it is very hard on your children and especially on your eldest daughter. But you are also teaching her a very valuable lesson that will help her look after herself when she is an adult.
    Accept any help you can from family, friends, counsellors, lawyers, police, doctors, etc and ensure you are all safe. I’m sorry you are going through this, and I wish you and your girls the very best.


  • You have to do what is best for you and your kids. As a child who went through a violent father I witnessed what he did to my mum. My mum was strong protecting us kids. She did what she had to do for us, get your daughter to talk to someone it might help her. I’m sorry for what you are going through. Just keep faith, hope and heart. Everything will work out. Just stay positive and strong


  • It is a big step opening up about it. In situations like this worry about yourself and your children first


  • You need to look,after yourself first & foremost & yr children. I would seek some help, your GP should be able to lead you in the right direction. I want to also add that this man is unlikely to,change his behaviour, I know it’s hard as I have been there myself & believe me I have not looked back, I’d hate to think what may have happened if I’d stayed. I hope you have a supportive family who you can turn too. Good luck hun & think of what’s best for you & your precious ones. There are lovely gentlemen out there but if you sty in an abusive relationship you may never meet that someone special who will treat you like a princess. I also know this as I am with an absolute gentlemen. I wish you all the best :)


  • thankyou :) i am trying my hardest to break the cycle. thankyou for your advice :)


  • Im glad that you have the courage to talk about… thats a bit step… I agree that you need to discuss this further with your own councilors as they can support you emotionally. Well done on starting to break the cycle it will be a lonh journey but you are doing the right thing xx


  • Worry about your self and your kids, what ever happens to your ex he has brought on him self. If you are feeling guilty I think this is something you need to discuss with your counselors. It may not seem like it at the moment, but things will get better. This is coming from someone who has been through many violent relationships, it’s a vicious cycle and one that you have to break free from.


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