I opened the email and my heart soared! The news I had waited a lifetime for was finally in black and white right in front of my face and I was filled with so much happiness that I had forgotten to take a breath!
‘Breathe Rochelle’ was my first thought. Just breathe, bring yourself back down because before you celebrate, you need to parent a bit first.
I was bursting to shout the news from the rooftops, but I also had a small tribe of children running amuck all around me who I needed to tend to… just as they are doing right now as I type this (and possibly just as yours are doing as you read this as well, if you’re a mum of young little ones that is).
We ate dinner that night and I got everyone to bed super early so that I could break the news of my prospective new career to my hubby in peace without someone standing between us whilst we talk or even worse interrupting the news I had waited so very long to share.
“I GOT INTO MY MIDWIFERY COURSE” I squealed in a high-pitched voice much louder than I had anticipated to use in a home with so many sleeping children.
The Response Wasn’t What I Expected!
The look on his face said it all.
It was my answer.
And I didn’t need him to open his mouth to confirm the message that his expression had already conveyed.
He was concerned. DEEPLY concerned about how this was going to impact him – his job, his days off… what did it all mean and how would it affect his current lifestyle. What would he have to sacrifice in order for me to achieve what I was aiming for?
Did he not think of this all before – when I told him that I was applying to get into the course? Or did he just expect my application to be rejected?
He didn’t congratulate me… he only asked question after question about how this was all going to work. How it would be possible with a newborn and seven other children. How would we juggle his job with my studying… even though we had already gone through all of this BEFORE I had even filled out my application.
As disappointed as I was by the fear and worry he felt, it didn’t deter my happiness. I believed it would work. It had to – I mean if the position wasn’t meant for me, then God wouldn’t have given it to me. I believed He gave me the opportunity for a reason, not just because I wanted it, but because it was the role I needed to have in life.
The next day I opened another email from the university notifying me of a mistake they had made the previous day. That email they sent… it was a false positive. But as devastated as I was I maintained an optimistic mindset because they still hadn’t finalised their numbers yet and maybe just maybe I might still have a chance at getting in… besides, it was Christmas time and it’s hard to be anything but happy during the festive season!
I’ve wanted to be a midwife since I was in primary school. I still remember my teacher asking me if I understood what exactly that role entailed. “I want to be a doctor that delivers babies” I said to her… I was possibly in kindergarten and I still remember my teacher letting my mother know what I had said.
I Was BORN To Do This!
To this day, it’s what I believe I was meant to do. It’s one of the only few things in my life that I can back myself on, that I feel capable of doing. I feel it deep within my soul. And I know I could bring peace to any mother at that time in her life. I could help her to get through her struggle BELIEVING in HERSELF and HER BODY every step of the way and with every breath she takes in front of me I know I could help to fuel her confidence.
I would help her with everything that I am, to achieve a strong and courageous birth with everything that she is. And I know I have it within myself to be able to have another soul lean into mine even when things don’t always go to plan.
Birth, every aspect of it, I believe I can support mothers through. I’ve always felt such a real connection to it.
I WILL Persevere
Today I received an email from the Universities Admissions Centre with the results of my application… and I have not been successful in getting into this round. And as much as I was hoping this would be a ‘false negative’, I know that it isn’t.
I couldn’t help myself. I sent my husband the meanest message ever. Congratulating him on my unsuccessful application, letting him know that at least now he wouldn’t have to worry about how my returning to uni would adversely impact his life… Of course I felt a tremendous amount of guilt for taking my disappointment out on him. But at the same time, he needed to know how his lack of support made me feel… and I also needed to hear what he had to say next.
The man was shocked that I didn’t get in. Genuinely shocked. His focus changed from how dramatically me going to uni to go after a new career would impact him, to how the news of not being successful was destroying my soul.
I Got The Support I Needed
Suddenly his attitude changed and he morphed into what I needed him to be – the most supportive cheerleader I could ever have hoped to have. He was sorry that I didn’t get selected and fiercely encouraging of me continuing to apply until I am successful.
I needed this. I needed to be rejected, because I needed to have my husband feel my devastation so that it would empower him to get on board and support my dream rather than being filled with fear over how it could possibly disrupt our current lifestyle.
It took this rejection for him to wake up and realise that being accepted isn’t that easy. And I know he’s going to continue to encourage me to apply until I get in rather than focusing on the challenging aspect of things.
I Won’t Give Up!
It was meant to happen this way, and I am grateful for the roller coaster of an experience that it has been. I most certainly won’t be giving up on my dream. I know that from experience I always find my way around obstacles and I know that once I do finally get accepted into the course of my dreams I will have the support and encouragement of those who mean the most to me in my life.
So go for it! If you have found yourself in a similar situation to mine in any aspect of life please don’t let that feeling of rejection take away your burning desire to get to where you want to be! Take a deep breath, feel the excitement of your goal, and start again. Take a different path – don’t be deterred by any number of bumps in the road… or even the negative views of loved ones- they’ll come round!
Life starts with that one big beautiful breath, that gasp for air, then a burst of tears. Just keep taking those first fresh breaths and leap for it with a renewed sense of energy and excitement knowing that no matter how many tears there are you will get there in the end. You were born for this!
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