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This is for all the step parents, foster parents, adopted parents, and anyone caring for a child that is not biologically their own.

I always hear women talk about the miracle of childbirth, the pain and how wonderful it is to meet the little person that has been growing inside them.

I’m sure it must be amazing, but I have never experienced it.

Just because someone has given birth to a child or had their DNA in the making of the child, does this make them a parent? And because I haven’t had the privilege, does this mean I am not a parent?

I met my little girl when she was 3 years old, not too long later her mother abandoned her for drugs.

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Yes, quite tragic but this little one was amazing and I helped to look after her for periods at a time. She loved to be cuddled, she loved to sing and she loved to play any game that one could make up.

I found myself falling in love with her, and it wasn’t long before I wished I could spend every moment with her.



Although for reasons I won’t mention, this was not possible, but my husband and I included her in everything from our wedding to our holidays, as much as possible.

She really did become our little girl. She loved spending time with us just as much as we loved spending time with her.

When we would pick her up, she’d be waiting by the window watching out, and when we’d drop her off there would be tears. We had them too but didn’t let them go until we’d driven away.

There have been times we’ve had to take her to and from school, help her with homework, clean up vomit and changed the sheets.

What do you think? Am I a parent?

DNA is a genetic code that decides the colour of your eyes and the size of your nose. If you share your DNA with a child, it does not automatically make you a parent. You probably have a greater chance of being a parent but like any of us, with the responsibility of a child thrust upon us, we become parents.

When the needs of a child become more important than ‘what are we doing this weekend’, and loving them is your whole world, you have become a parent.

I have never been pregnant, I have never given birth or shared my DNA with another, but I AM A PARENT.

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  • its so hard being in a situation where you cant rescue them 100% but i garentee that she would see you more as parents then her own, i sure would, DNA doesnt make you a parent, acting like a loving caring parent does. you are both doing something so wonderful for this child.

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  • You are a parent through and through – an angel in disguise. I’ve known so many biological parents of children who couldn’t care less whether the child was there or not; and I’ve also known people just like you who are more of a parent to a child than their biological parents.

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  • This brought tears to my eyes. Both you and your husband are 100% that little girls parents. I’ve always said family isn’t in your blood it’s who is there for you and with you through thick and thin. My child has a step father and he is more a father to her than her own biological father is. You’re right DNA determines our eye colour, our features and our family history but it doesn’t make you a parent. Thank you for giving that beautiful little girl a mother and father ????

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  • Through a close relative of mine doing a DNA test last year he found relatives he didn’t know existed. There was an 80% chance of a match. One member of this couple may even be a distant relative of this little girl.

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  • Totally agree, being a parent is all not about DNA but the LOVE. Unfortunately some people cannot conceive so this doesn’t make them any less of a parent if they adopt or foster etc. I feel for the women not being able to have the beauty of pregnancy and feel the kicks etc because it is amazing but just because they can’t doesn’t mean they are not a parent. I think those people probably make better parents and give so much love to children even if it is not by DNA they are amazing and the joy and love they can give is a beautiful thing. Many people can “have a baby” and be a “mum” or “dad” but it takes a special person to be a “parent” and a good one too!

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  • I’m a step parent and love my step children as much as my biological children. This is a beautiful article

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  • 100% agree. There are parents that give birth to/are biologically related and then there a parents who are angels in disguise like yourself

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  • yes, I would call you a parent. I am a biological and a step parent and I treat my step kids the same as my own, I love them, I help them, I care for them, I make them do chores, I discipline, I listen to them and I respect them.

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  • This is a touching story. Thank-you for helpinv to cate for her. Truely soeakd to your character.

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  • definitely food for thought.

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  • Couldn’t agree more, you definitely are – biological takes someone only so far and you have been there to raise and support your child :)

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  • love the spirit. of course she is a parent…a wonderful parent.

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  • This article is brilliant and very true. Love it

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  • Of course you are. She sounds like she has amazing parents who love her to bits. What a lucky young lady

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  • I 100% agree with this!! Amazing article.

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