Engagement Party Etiquette: A Guide for the Couple and Guests

Believe it or not, there are many dos and don’ts when it comes to throwing and attending an engagement party. Whether you’re throwing your own event, hosting the party for the happy couple or you have simply been invited as a guest, it pays to brush up on engagement party etiquette. Throw out your old engagement party ideas and find out what rules are relevant, what rules are out of date, and how to be the perfect host or guest at your next engagement party.

Who Hosts the Engagement Party?

Traditionally, the engagement party would be held by the bride’s parents. These days however, things are a little more relaxed. The couple can host their own engagement party; friends, work colleagues, or the groom’s family can also host the event. However, out of respect, the bride’s parents should be given the first option of hosting their daughter’s engagement party before anyone else takes over. Some couples choose to have a more formal event that involves close family and friends and another less formal party with friends, work colleagues and selected family.

When the Party Should Be Held

As a general rule, the engagement party is usually held one to three months after the engagement has been announced. However, this can depend on how long the engagement is. If the wedding date isn’t for another 12 months, then waiting three months to hold the celebrations is ideal. If the wedding is going to be held in six months time, then the party should be held within a month of the engagement being announced. These days however, there isn’t too much formal etiquette around this issue. Some couples even choose to hold a party and announce they are engaged at the event.

Who Should You Invite?

Should you invite only those guests who will be invited to the wedding? Is it inappropriate to invite guests to the engagement who will not be attending your wedding? Traditionally, engagement party etiquette was that only those who will be invited to the wedding should be invited to the engagement celebration. These days, the rules on who to invite are a little more lax. If you plan on having a very small, intimate wedding, then it’s a good idea to invite more people to the engagement party. Often, because of travel and living abroad, many friends and family members may not be able to attend both events. So it’s best to give these people the opportunity to attend both events or just one. If the party is being held by the bride’s parents, it is proper etiquette to invite family members from the groom’s side as well.

Gifts or No Gifts

Gift giving isn’t a rule, although some people do like to give gifts anyway. Traditionally, if gifts were received, they would never be opened at the event, and the couple would send out thank you cards to those who gave gifts. Now, however, gift giving can depend on how formal or informal the event is. A formal event is more likely to see guests bringing gifts for the couple. In this case, it is always a good idea for the couple to have a gift register ready and available so the host can provide this should they be asked. For less formal events, guests are likely to bring a bottle of wine or Champagne, or maybe a nice box of chocolates as a gift, similar to what they would bring to any other party event. If the couple specifies no gifts then the invitation can state this.

Thoughts on the Theme

Traditionally, an engagement celebration consisted of a cocktail party held at the home of the parents of the bride. The good news is that this is no longer the only accepted way to throw a party. Engagement parties today can be held at a range of different venues, from an exclusive hotel ballroom for the most formal event to a friend’s back yard for a relaxed BBQ. It really depends on what the preference of the happy couple or those hosting the party.

About the Author: Contributing blogger, Samantha Martin is an events coordinator and wedding planner who prefers to do all her party decoration and supply shopping at Pink Frosting.

125 Comments

- - emily_flores said
  - 09 Oct 2013
    10:43 pm
I always get confused on how much money I’m expected to put in the card

- - katiemorson said
  - 30 Sep 2013
    9:50 pm
That all sounds way to confusing. Am so glad we didn’t have an engagement party and just went straight to the wedding:)

- - omgjag31 said
  - 18 Sep 2013
    7:08 pm
Have talk to hubby again and no chance of a engagement surprise wedding.

- - omgjag31 said
  - 11 Sep 2013
    9:37 pm
I want to have a killer of an uests and engagment party and supprise all the guest and get married. But my partner wants a white wedding with all the bells

- - sanjipanj said
  - 07 Sep 2013
    7:29 pm
I think a nice meal somewhere with family & friends is suitable or perhaps a dinner/show like Draculas. Maybe dinner on a boat. Great ideas

- - missangela said
  - 28 Aug 2013
    7:31 pm
I think a nice relaxed BBQ is ideal.

- - tahlia w said
  - 13 Aug 2013
    10:58 pm
Thank you! I have to hold one very soon for our neighbours! was ment to do it ages ago but am doing refirbs!
- earthlydelites replied
  
  15 Aug 2013 , 7:58 pm
  good luck! hope you’ve got it all under control!
- - joni64 said
  - 31 Jul 2013
    9:18 pm
I’d love it if for once a couple sent out thank you cards, most of the time I’ve posted presents overseas and you never hear a thing.
- a-edwards replied
  
  03 Aug 2013 , 7:43 pm
  Sometimes it makes u wonder y u bother! It’s rude to hear nothing when u went to effort to buy go buy it for them
  - beccyg17 replied
    
    31 Aug 2013 , 3:51 pm
    
    I agree. Thank you notes are such a special touch and too many people don’t bother with them anymore. I think it’s rude not to thank someone for a gift.
- - rachkap said
  - 31 Jul 2013
    8:22 pm
Great tips thanks for sharing!

- - tammykilby said
  - 29 Jul 2013
    7:28 pm
some really good tipz an advice here.

- - ginoula5 said
  - 26 Jul 2013
    1:20 pm
Some good advice on etiquette – although these days most engagements I’ve attended are more relaxed – some were hosted by the grooms parents, others my the brides parents. I really just think it depends on every couples situation and financial circumstances.
- meros replied
  
  13 Aug 2013 , 9:52 pm
  Very true. Everyone does it very differently.
- - mrsfritz said
  - 23 Jul 2013
    9:26 am
Good read, thanks for sharing.

- - hopefullyheidi said
  - 19 Jul 2013
    10:06 pm
This is an interesting piece of writing. I’m totally clueless when it comes to engagement etiquette and things of this nature
- a-edwards replied
  
  05 Aug 2013 , 3:05 pm
  Me too … But great to read about it
- - rocky1991 said
  - 12 Jul 2013
    5:26 pm
Thankyou, some good ideas here to consider

- - jenny9761 said
  - 08 Jul 2013
    4:04 pm
Thanks for sharing your ideas.

- - earthlydelites said
  - 08 Jul 2013
    11:25 am
can’t say I’ve been to many planned engagement parties, usually its just an informal get together or something at the pub etc, I think I prefer it that way than something thats way over the top!

- - kymaree said
  - 30 Jun 2013
    10:41 pm
Wish more people were aware of these basic rules of decorum, so many people seems to use parties as na excuse to get presents without the courtesy of a thank -you!

- - jodie80 said
  - 29 Jun 2013
    9:01 pm
That was hard for us , We had a big engagement and little wedding. Just because weddings were so expensive and we were saving for a house.

- - lynzstevo said
  - 28 Jun 2013
    1:41 pm
I have an engagement party coming up in a couple of weeks 🙂

- - nadia said
  - 26 Jun 2013
    7:00 pm
now i just need the proposal