I can understand it’s painful to read this. When they had concerns they could have gently asked about the circumstances instead of jumping to conclusions.
My first was in NICU for 8,5 wks and the first 5wks i was rather bed-bound in a hospital with a very traditional approach. After a week she was transferred to the NICU of our local hospital and I was able to visit during the day, but went home to my husband in the evening and night.
My youngest had several hospital admissions in the first 2yrs of her life and i would be with her from after the school drop off till school pick up of my other 3 kids (my husband was working long hours). I did have a chat about it with the social worker of the hospital, explaining my possibilities, but feeling limited myself.
However sometimes the attendance (or lack thereof) of the parents is a red flag. My youngest was removed from her biological parents at birth and she was in the hospital for the first 5wks, diagnosed with Down syndrome, heart problems and got Methadon administered. Her biological parents didn’t visit and she was admitted to a cuddly program with volunteers who would come to hold and cuddle her.

I don’t think they had a right to write what they did about the parents, my son was raced to hospital and had stopped breathing and I never had any problems with staff. My now ex husband never stayed or visited while in hospital and that could of been in the notes for all I know.

Very upsetting, especially as a new mum with hormones from just having had a baby!

Wow! What does the parents’ visiting hours etc. Have anything to do with the baby and why should this have been written in the notes?!
My baby was in special care so was a bit different but I would also be so devastated if I had seen something like this. I didn’t spend as much time as well I think as I had a c-section so was in pain and trying to recover and when I was discharged my baby was still in there. I had a one year old at home I also needed to tend to do totally feel this mother’s pain.
Such a shame that people feel the need to judge others and write these sorts of comments. It seems really unprofessional to me.

This is so upsetting! One of my children was born at 28 weeks and we spent 10 weeks in nicu! I couldn’t imagination going through such a tough time and not having lovely staff around you and little one.

Medical notes are legal documents and that nurse should not have been writing such things.

I was banned from the NICU as I developed such a bad cold/flu that they were worried for the babies under their care. That was fair enough, but heartbreaking. In general I found midwives and nurses on the maternity ward horrible. That’s four different hospitals for four births, in two states.

I didn’t have a child in ICU and can only refer to my time in a maternity ward. I found that some nurses were kinder than others. I didn’t take any brusque comments too personally and I appreciated the kind comments. People will sometimes make unkind comments, but it’s important to distinguish between constructive criticism and some people having no tact or just having a bad day.

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  • • mom462929 replied
    • 13 Apr 2021 , 3:16 pm

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  Agree with your comments.

Lucky any of my kids required Nicu stay but I think staff there been doing just their work with all the notes.

My first spent two weeks in the special care nursery in my country town and the nurses were really wonderful. We had a great experience. I have heard other mums say at different hospitals their experiences haven’t been as wonderful. It’s hard to see your baby hooked up to all the machines and if you have other kids it’s hard to spilt your time.

Sister had bub in ICU for 2 weeks, she spent so much time there (along with me) that I often insisted she go home to get some sleep. The nurses were not the most pleasant. On one occasion I had just taken my sister home (55mins drive) when the phone rang and they were demanding to know what she thought she was doing! She had 2 herniated discs and mastitis and I’d gone with her to another area of the hospital for i/v anti-biotics before taking her home to shower and rest for a couple of hours after being at the hospital for 9 hours before going back for another shift of 6 or so hours in the night (hubby was working away). While we were there the nurses more often than not complained/made judgement/criticized the absent parents. It left me feeling hostile and my sister like a failure.

My older two were in special care, and I was in there all the time. I didn’t have to work though, and was in hospital myself.

Is it possible the logs are used to identify any possible issues. Such as post natal depression? Monitoring how engaged or disengaged you are, how often you are bonding/connecting as well as how much support might be there from hubbie?

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  • • curlytops replied
    • 16 Apr 2021 , 8:17 am

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  I agree with your comments. They may have to log all this information.

My twins were early and I have one in the NCIU (Public) and the other in Special Care (Private) and I was travelling between the two to feed my babies! You know someone will always make a judgement, it doesn’t matter what it is over, but it is a sad truth. I was in hospital for 4 weeks with my twins (one week prior to their birth and 3 weeks after), my hubby was at the hospital as much as he possibly could be, whilst also caring for our 3 other boys and working. I remember one of the nurses said to my hubby (oh no, you cant possibly hold your baby, he has just gone to sleep – like wth), we took it straight to the head of Maternity and we were assured we could whenever we wanted (they are our babies). Just remember we do whatever we can and to the best of our ability (at the time). If we don’t have outside support, it seems people are too quick to judge.

As harsh as it is they were probably following protocol a had to record all this information be interested to know did the mother approach the hospital about the notes and why was this there also i question could the dad take parental leave or careers leave as they had a child with a disability and just had a new born in special care unit

I spent time in NICU when mu son was there. Granted i had no other chikdren to be responsible for. I was 2 hours from home. I spent so much time in NICU that thr hospital staff didnt even leave my meals in my room for me. Heck they didnt feed me i had to sort out my own meals. ????‍♀️
I know another mum whose bub was rushed to NICU and her Nd her partner stayed at home while bubba was flown out in the chopper to a bigger hospital. Parents didnt go to visit they just rang. That is something that shouldve been criticised not a mum doing her best in the circumstances provided. Theres other factors here not just an i cant be bothered attitude………

Thankfully I had a good experience! Only trouble we had was one nurse trying to use the ng tube instead of bottle feeding a few days before going home, hell no that would have set us back two days!

My experience was different but still bad enough that I was in tears. Our last boy was premature and was in the special care nursery for a whole week before I got to see him as I had been in intensive care at another hospital. Once we were in the same hospital the staff seemed to think I wasn’t spending enough time with him. Most probably didn’t know I was staying in the renal ward and couldn’t walk myself over. I’d have to ask for a ride over in a wheelchair and would often have to wait a while. There were days I didn’t see him because I had been booked for various things like dialysis, CT scans, xrays etc. The mum guilt was strong. They were the longest weeks of my life.

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  • • Blossom replied
    • 03 Mar 2019 , 9:45 pm

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  I would have demanded that it be on record that you were elsewhere having lifesaving treatment part of the time you were not with your baby or that they remove comments that upset you from the records.

Obviously there are cases where these notes and logs are used to identify issues. Just be happy they decided it wasn’t an issue in the end.

I assumed that if your baby was in NICU that you had to be in the ward for the time the baby was in the NICU? In saying that mine was only in there a day or two with jaundice.

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  • • mom91031 replied
    • 13 Apr 2021 , 2:48 pm

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  I had twins at 36 weeks and one ended up in the NICU at a different hospital, and my other twin ended up in Special Care nursery where I gave birth. I was let out of hospital after 4 days and my twins were in hospital for a lot longer (one until 12 days old and the other 16 days old). I had my older daughter at home so we visited between the 2 hospitals until one came out, and then daily at the hospital until both twins were home. A busy time but the staff at both hospitals were supportive and helpful to us, but you can always get staff who aren’t helpful or supportive anywhere.