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August 21, 2017

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The touching post that has resonated with thousands of women across the country!

“To the man whose wife or partner has anxiety,

You might have heard that she has anxiety from sitting by her side in a doctors office, holding her hands while the tears steam down her face. You might have seen her get angry and explode because she’s overwhelmed. Wondering where this rage has come from. You might have seen her sit quietly staring into the distance with a panic in her eye.

You might have guessed, or she might have told you, but either way there are things you should know.

Anxiety isn’t a one size fits all, it isn’t consistent and it isn’t always easy to tell. You might think she’s just snapped at you, but it was anxiety that did it, you might think she’s angry, but it’s the anxiety that’s got a choke hold, you might think she’s not enjoying herself when you go out and it’s your fault, but it’s not. It’s anxiety.

You know how she can’t understand when she asks you what are you thinking, why you would respond with “nothing”… it’s because she never thinks nothing. Her thoughts replay like a freight train in her head full steam ahead, over and over. It’s exhausting for her. It’s why she’s tired.

There isn’t a day that goes by where she doesn’t think. She thinks about everything, and usually it is the worst case scenario. She worries that something will go wrong. That some days if she leaves the house, something will happen. Kidnapping, deaths, falls, cars spinning out of control, that’s why she can’t just leave the house or just go out, even though you’ve suggested it with good intentions. But it’s not so easy. That’s why when she’s home alone or out by herself she will text you a million times, telling you her every move or telling you everything that’s going wrong, she knows you can’t change anything, she knows you feel helpless, but so does she, that’s why she needs to share it with you, otherwise her head will explode with panic.

Sometimes she wonders why you’re with her, and if you knew she had anxiety would you still be there, do you regret it? Being with her? Do you wish you were with someone else that didn’t have this vice around their neck?

I want you to know I see that this is tough on you, tough to see your loved one hurt, tough on you, the pressure for you would be immense. But don’t think for a second she doesn’t see you, don’t think for a second she doesn’t worry about you too. she even gets anxiety about you. She knows it’s not your fault, and she knows you want to fix her and in the way that means you help her, but you can’t fix her. She’s not broken.

But you can help her, you can loosen the vice. You can see what gets too much for her, the crowds of people or bed time, dinner time, see it and help her by holding her hand and tell her you’re with her. Do it with her, take over, tell her to sit down for a while and breathe.

If you see her struggling with appointments, reschedule them for her, encourage her to take it slowly. Too much is overwhelming for her, even though she has good intentions. Don’t make her feel bad for missing an appointment, a party, whatever. She wanted to go, but she couldn’t. She already feels bad. Tells her it’s okay. Take the kids out for a play when you see her struggling, encourage her to take time out for herself. If the kids are awake all night and she’s worse if she has less sleep, get up with her, take over. Tell her to go back to bed.

Sometimes the answer won’t be so obvious. Sometimes she won’t even know the answer is to what she needs, but so long as your patient with her, she will feel your love.

She or you won’t benefit if you get frustrated, it’ll just escalate and make both of you miserable. She doesn’t want her anxiety to define your relationship and when you are patient, you’re telling her you’re willing to do the same.

Anxiety is heartbreaking for her. Really it is. She wishes she could just feel free. The free feeling of just being carefree and not a prisoner to this ugly illness. Free of the voice that follows her listing all her insecurities.

Not every day will be bad, and those days should be celebrated, but on the bad days, still celebrate her, because she needs it.

She appreciates you, she loves you. She’s vulnerable and scared. But she chose you to share her biggest deepest scar tissue that resides in her heart, and she knew the day she met you that you were the one worthy enough to see her in all her imperfections.

She will love you with that whole heart, and you know she will because she’s already listed the pros and cons … and just as you are by her side she will be fiercely loyal to yours. Forever and ever, you just to need take her hand and tell her, “I am with you”

Love,

A wife, a woman and a mumma who has anxiety.”

Laura’s post has resonated with thousands, she has attracted over 11,000 shares, and 4000 comments, many from people tagging their partners to help them understand their own daily struggle.

This post originally appeared on Laura Mazza РMum on the Run Facebook page

Laura blogs at www.themumontherun.com or Facbeook here

This post is a must share with all your friends and family!

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  • This is appalling. I’m really stunned by the scale of sexual abuse generally.

    Reply

  • This is very understanding, and likely to elp others.

    Reply

  • wow anxiety is crippling and confusing and it seems as though the man can never get it right. Anxiety is real though and it makes it so much harder to seek help for because you might not think that people will take you seriously. Put yourself and your mental health first and be proud to get help to change things and most of all, start to feel better again because you ARE worth it

    Reply

  • This is one of the best articles I have ever read. It is very real this struggle that many woman
    go through with anxiety, I know because I too have anxiety. Mine has come from going through traumatic experiences and having to deal with my anxiety on my own. It’s very difficult and can really take a toll on your mental and physical health. I think more people need support and for others to be educated on anxiety to help better understand it.

    Reply

  • What a wonderful thing to write and share. Captures the struggles and frustrations of anxiety perfectly. Anxiety is crippling & so hard for others who don’t have it to understand.

    Reply

  • Anxiety Depression can be an issue even if you don’t have a partner to look after when they’re not at work. It can easily start as a result of other sickness and the side effects of medications. In some cases only one medication will control on medical problem but with it come those side effects. That can effect you more than the problem which initiated it.

    Reply

  • Anxiety must be very tough to live with and I understand it can totally overrule your whole life and feelings.
    Bless all those who suffer from this ! I truly hope that they may find loving and understanding people in their life.

    Reply

  • I occasionally feel overwhelmed and can’t breathe but luckily it never goes any further.

    Reply

  • I suffer from Anxiety Depression and PTSD. I find it hard to keep going at times. I have always remember being Anxious even as a teenager. But when I married for the first time, my ex use to abuse me in many many ways. He would beat me and then leave me a the door of a Physic hospital saying that i have hurt myself. I have 2 children and they saved me. I say this as I dont think I would still be here if I didnt have them. My new partner still struggles with my mood swings. I just tend to retreat and blame myself for everything that goes wrong. He really hasnt wanted to be my rock. I do stay and i think that is mainly due to the fact that I have no one else around me. This was good to read, I asked him to read it but he wouldnt.

    Reply

  • A must read for all family and friends!

    Reply

  • Don’t take over stuff for her. If you take away anything she feels she can control, like appointments, it will only make things worse.
    ASK her what she needs you to do and just do it. Pay the bills as soon as they arrive so its one less thing to think about. When the toddler comes to wake her up on the weekend, intercept him and go get him up and get him breakfast and make sure the bloody telly gets turned down for abc kids.

    Reply

  • Anxiety is incredibly tough on so many people and the struggle is very real and just knowing that someone is with you does make all of the difference in the world.

    Reply

  • All the very best to her and well done on bringing this issue up but in saying this, I must add that it works both ways as well, dads can suffer with anxiety as well.

    Reply

  • Anxiety is terrible. It can really destroy your life and the one of people around you. And it can be so overwhelming.

    Reply

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