If she is not in school then she needs to get a job and she needs to pay her own way. By funding her you think you are helping her but you are not. you are just helping to create someone who is dependant and that dependancy will never stop. She will be 30 and still with her hand out.

Some counselling with someone independent is required and soon as otherwise your lovely family is going to be null and void. Do hope it can all be sorted out soon for all your sakes.

The best way to help this child is teaching her responsibility and independence; she will need to find a job and become financially independent, maybe she needs a social skill training too.

It would be such a hard conversation to be had!

A conversation needs to be had with both parents where rules and boundaries need to be set or else things won’t change.

It sounds like a tricky situation.
I’m confused as to why it’s the step mum who is buying all these things for the step daughter. Does she and her hubby have a joint account or is it coming out of the step mum’s personal account? If it’s a joint account then hubby is helping pay for it too, but if not, I question why is the father not buying his daughter the things she needs?
I think the daughter needs to be included in family time. She is the hubby’s child afterall, not just the younger 2 kids he has with the step mum.
I think the step mum might have been a bit harsh with her wording. She should pull her hubby aside and get him to speak to the daughter in the future.

It’s a tricky situation to be in. I’d consider family counselling.

I have a similar situation with my 16 year old stepson moving in with my husband and I and our 7 year old daughter. He is definitely a typical teenage boy and I have had my moments with him but I would NEVER say something like that to him, I think it was too harsh and can have an impact on feelings of worth and wellbeing.

You just don’t get it. Its not the money or the material things it’s being treated well and included in what ever , getting guidance having a chat being shown some direction in life teaching things but most off all just being included .I sailed that lonely boat for years and I truly remember the few adults that where good to me

I think she needs some boundaries and rules and it will take communication and tough conversations to get there.

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 20 Nov 2022 , 8:23 am

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  Communication is always key and honestly makes a difference to family matters.

Communication has to always be respectful and words can inflict wounds.

No, I don’t think this mum is being too hard. It’s tough being a young person and finding your way in the world, but its also tough being a parent…..tougher still being a step parent

Parenting is hard. Step-parenting is next level; you need to not take on the parenting but you also need the respect as a caregiver. Teens are a terrible age. Probably be good for some individual and family therapy and set some clear expectations on behaviour and activity level if you want to live in the house.

Unfortunately a lot of teens act like this. They need to set clear expectations as a family.

Maybe they need to have a family meeting and make sure her husband is there as well. She also should not be buying her stepdaughter anything extra and just have food there for her. This girl is carrying on like she’s entitled and all she’s going to do is rip this family apart.

Hmmm this is a tricky situation! Definitely need to sit down and have ongoing clear open communication so everyone is on the same page with expectations of the household.

The three of them need to sit down together and work through their issues. There’s a lot of resentment from the step mother, which I understand, as she’s been good to her step daughter (apart from the unnecessary comments towards the end) and their family routine has been disrupted. Perhaps they should give the daughter a deadline for when she needs to move out by. It might give her incentive to stay in a job for longer than 3 weeks.

I definately think everyone should help out in the house. Its not parents against kids, it’s all adults in the house being responsible for their own things and chipping in. I think what was said couldve been phrased differently so it wasnt so much of an attack.

Ooh, I think there needs to be some boundaries. She has come into their home, she is now an adult, so she needs to do some adulting and help in the home, not hinder it.

It seems like the daughter is acting like a typical 18 year old, but the Dad and stepmum have failed to set boundaries or talk to each other and now everyone is resentful. Poor parenting and jealousy are more of a problem than the child.