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Article Six Things People Only Say To Working Mums

By Meg Garrido
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For more than five years I have been a working mum. For some of the period I worked part-time, for most of it full time.

Originally I worked for a company and now I work for myself. For several years my role included a lot of international business travel.

My roles and hours have varied, but one thing which has remained constant is the comments that people make to me about being a working mum.

Unfortunately they are directed at us as women who choose to work and never levelled at working fathers. There are so many examples that I could give, but I will stick to the six which I hear the most frequently:

1) Why did you have children if you don’t want to look after them?

Without sounding too defensive I often wonder who people assume look after my children.

Who makes multiple night trips to their rooms to give them a cuddle, cover them back up or ease them back to sleep after a bad dream? Who spends each evening doing their homework with them? Who shops and provides for all their needs – clothes, food, toys, books and much more? Who provides a safe and loving environment for them to live and grow in? Who knows their schedule off by heart so they are always in the right place at the right time with the right gear? Well almost always…..

2) Do you ever worry about the damage you are doing to your children by working?

Funnily enough, no. Instead I see that I am providing my children with a positive role model.

I am demonstrating that they have the freedom to make whatever choices they want with regard to their lives as they grow, and that there is no “right way” of doing things.

I am a firm believer in quality over quantity and am happy to be supported by recent research in this area.

3) So, motherhood wasn’t for you then?

I am not sure what these people define as motherhood, but to me it is much more that the amount of time that you spend with your children.

I am a mother and love being a mother. My children are in no doubt as to who their mum is and we have a wonderful relationship and our bonds are as strong as any other family, working parents or not.

Being a good mother is certainly not measured by how many hours you put in.

4) It must be so hard for you to go to work. But you have to do what you have to do.

Some days it is hard for me to go to work, but that is usually after one of the kids has been up all night and I am tired.

In those cases, then it is also hard for their dad to go to work. But normally? No, it is not hard for me to go to work. I enjoy my job, I like working and appreciate that I have a varied life with lots of facets all of which make me happy.

5) Those early years will fly by. It is a shame you have to miss out on them.

I certainly don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. I am enjoying watching my youngest blossom into a lovely little girl and develop her own unique personality.

I spend hours helping my eldest to learn to read and to memorise her sight words and adjust to being a schoolgirl. Every night I cuddle both my children to sleep. Every morning I greet them both with a kiss and breakfast. I help out with literacy group at school. I make craft with them and play with them.

I agree that the years are flying by, but always thought it was because we were having so much fun and not because I was missing out.

6) I bet your kids miss you when you are at work/ away with work.

Yes, they probably do. But they also miss me when I go to another room. They miss me when I am in the shower. They miss me when I go to the supermarket. They also miss their dad when he goes to work and their friends when they go home to bed in the evenings.

If I didn’t do things because I was worried that my kids would miss me then I would be with them non-stop. Every single day.

I have heard all of the above many times over the years and am sad to say that the comments are as likely to come from young people as they are from the older generation and from women as they are from men.

I believe that we all have the power to make our own choices. To decide what is best and what will work well for our individual family units.

There is no one solution which will work across the board and there is certainly no decision which is superior to others.

As mothers, we are after all, simply trying to do the best we can.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com

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Comments

  • I’ve never had anyone say anything like these comments to me. Not sure many would nowadays…of course there are always a few people who would dare to poke their nose in someone elses business

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  • not sure really if these comments are that common.

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  • I know this article is about working mums but why is comments never said to Dads about things and kids?

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  • Each to their own. We are all good parents regardless of if we work or stay at home. You do whats best for your situation.

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  • Noone has said these to me, and if my son misses me at daycare you wouldnt know it, he has a wonderful time with all his friends and the educators and actually doesnt like when I pick him up early.

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  • Funnily I have not heard this in any of my work places.

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  • It’s women in general that love to gossip, bitch, back stab and constantly try to one up each other. It’s terribly funny how most of the women that like to criticize others are the most deeply offended when it comes to being judged. It comes from jealousy, low self esteem and lack of confidence. Who bloody cares who stays home or who goes to work????It’s nobody else’s business what others do to make their families and households run smoothly. I had a nasty family member ask me once what I did all day and my hubby piped up and said “Same as your mum” Needless to say I wasn’t bothered ever again and this same woman’s hubby is a serial cheater. Do your own thing and do what works for you.

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  • I have had both sides of this. Being questioned why I’m working and also being questioned why I’m not working more days a week. The pressure is immense and when you child didn’t settle at childcare and you have to mentally deal with dropping them off before you go to work in any sort of state to focus on work is so hard. You arrive at work and people wonder why you look like you’ve had no sleep and can barely talk but they don’t understand you might have been up since 4am and had to just go through an emotional drop off at childcare before finally arriving at the office just needing to have a good cry and a sleep under the desk but you have to pull yourself together and think about what you’ve going to cooo for dinner, what you need to grab from the shops on the way home and try to have a productive work day. It’s a juggle and it takes a long time to settle in to the routine of it all and how you can best make it all work. Having added pressures from others around you does not help

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  • Honestly you can’t win either way. If you have kids and go to work you’re judged, if you have kids and SAHM you’re judged. Even childfree women in the workplace are judged. Welcome to being a woman.

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  • this was so timely! as a first time mum about to begin exploring the options of returning to work and what that looks like for my family it was so refreshing to read this and have some more responses up my sleeve for whatever we decide is the best thing for us.
    Being a parent is hard enough without societies judgements everywhere you turn.

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  • I get to told number 4 a LOT, but I remember that I’m working for my child and my family.. and we all benefit from that. Some people are stay-at-home mums, others are not – no mum should be judged either way.

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  • Shame people ask these questions., But, with couples working, just seems more normal (not sure if that is the right word), as all expenses are so high, and really can take 2 incomes to pay the bills.

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  • People dont get to comment on someone else’s life choices. If someone decides to work and have kids then fine! We need less judging and more supporting one another

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  • This is 100% me. I have been a working mum for the last 3 years and it has definitely been hard. All these comments and questions I’ve heard in th epast few years. I always feel like I don’t have enough time to spend with the kids and that I am constantly missing out on their growth and development day in day out.

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  • I can resonate with this. I have had a few people say these things to me. We all lead different lives and do what is right for us. People will always have opinions on what you do but the only thing that really matters is you and your family and what’s best for them.

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  • Yes heard all these comments. Best approach is to just ignore and not take it personally.

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  • SO hard these days with the prices of everyday living really 2 incomes to even survive

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  • Resonates with me every single bit… so much mental overload

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  • Can 100% relate to this!
    I have been asked by another colleague why was I working if my Husband had his own business – surely that could support us.
    Cant say she liked my response of I like my job and I like being able to contribute to household finances and not be 100% solely reliable on my Husband to provide for the family alone

    Reply

  • How about we appreciate the working mum…

    Reply
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