I have 4 children aged 18, 16, 13 and 10. Love them to bits but the drive me crazy. All I ask is for a little help around the house but they are always too busy, then when they cannot find their shirt, or bag, I am the baddy. When an item of clothing they want is dirty or not ironed, I am the baddy. When I put food on the table, that they do noy enjoy, I am the baddy. When I ask them to just pack away the dishes, I am the baddy. Honestly, I yell, I scream, I am a stressed out Mum, though i always have been, and they blame me for been stressed all the time. Telling me to take it easy …. but how can I with no help?
I have a big house, and I never seem to be anywhere else in that house, because all I seem to do is cook and clean. Don’t get me wrong, they are good kids. Respectful to everyone, and don’t do anything wrong outside the house, but when I ask WHY? at home, and why the think its ok to scream at me they say, WELL YOU ARE MUM – I don’t know what to do. I have an amazing hubby, but the poor guy works 6 days, sometimes 7 days a week, so I cannot ask him to do more – I guess its the LIFE of a MUM

Posted by Sam, 10th September 2016

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  • Pretty sure majority of mums feel like this. Don’t know why it happens that mum is always stuck with the dirty jobs


  • I think this is a typical situation these days where children expect parents to do stuff for them like servants, rather than contribute to domestic life themselves. I don’t think it helps when dads have to work so hard because the children see him as a role model and then expect the same ‘doing everything for me’ treatment themselves. But things are different for them! yes they have school work etc. but they are not paying the bills (or doing other ‘dad’ jobs about the place are they?) and so shouldn’t get away with nothing, even if you can manage fine it is not good for them to be so passive in home life. I think NATURAL CONSEQUENCES work well. eg If the child wont iron their shirt then let them face the consequence. Work out some boundaries of what you will and wont do and begin to transition! Also you say they are respectful outside the house but it is important that they respect you in the home too. They are old enough to have a big talk that things are going to change, sit down and work out with you what is acceptable and what is not, including the respect when you ask for something to be done. Good luck.


  • If not already, I would be making them do chores. It’s not being too hard to get them to help out around the house. Look at it as teaching them life skills – they will learn to do household things but also do chip in and help others. It doesn’t have to be big things – they can make their beds, put away dirty clothes, hang out a load of washing etc. Your older children could learn to iron (start with hankies and build up from there). It will keep you sane too – you’re not a slave and it’s not fair when one person has to do the bulk of a household’s work.


  • I know what you mean because when my kids were growing up ( only 2 of them ) , I was fortunate to have my mother in law to mind them when I did part time work but when I came home I am still the one that has to clean and wash because no one else could do it and hub worked 6-7 days a week too. I taught myself one thing is screaming won\’t help. What I think is you are actually doing too much and there is a choice. Work out what is your routine first and see if there is a gap where someone can help even for a few minutes . I tell my son to take the garbage out when I am washing and he does it . When I am about to serve dinner tell them its ready and set the table . All you need to do is practise delegating and must be consistent. If not , they will take advantage because they know you are not reliable in keeping your routine . It will be hard in the beginning but it will work once some sort of habit is developed . Good luck .

    • Sounds ideal, thankyou so so much


  • The kids will soon learn how hard it is to be a parent one day.. They will then realize everything you did for them.. It great been a mum but such a hard job…


  • I guess that at home it’s easier for kids to “get away” with work. Unless you plan a roster, giving exact responsibilities to everyone. You can make the rules and I think they are old enough to help. There could be for example who takes out the garbage regularly, who sets up the dinner table, who prepares the dishwasher, who prepares dinner (why not? Once a week the 18 or the 16 years old could do it) who helps shopping, washing, ironing, cleaning up their bedrooms… You could start with small tasks, that in the long run are surely going to help you. You deserve to be relaxed too! :-)

    • Yep, I know, but as I never got them used to it at an earlier age, they are stressing, and been totally annoying :/
      Ps. they did the dusting and vaccuming in their rooms today. I threatened them, lol

      • Eh! Eh! Good on you! :-)
        And trying to talk quietly with them, explaining how you feel overwhelmed by all the work you are doing daily? Maybe they will start showing some more empathy with you.
        Or otherwise tell them that you are going to hire someone to help around the house, and they won’t be getting any more pocket money, because you need it to pay the helper! ;-)


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