My name is Rebecca I am a mum of 6 but 4 see I have a step daughter ( how I class as mine ) and one of my children passed, it was early morning 4:30am) of the 20 the of March 1995 when i had heard my son Jesse cry like he did at that time every morning and I knew he would go back off in a few seconds, I never thought more of it so I went back to sleep and then woke up at around 8am to our daughter Skye how was wanting to play so she had come out into the lounge room we sat and had breakfast like normal and then at about 9:45am we went for a walk to the local post office two houses up and got our mail then come home, as I got inside the front door my children’s dad had asked me who was on the phone I told him I don’t know as I had just gotten back from getting the mail but I had gotten chills from him asking me that and listening to the to it sounded like it was out side not near me and then I noticed that it was 10 am and my son hadn’t woken up yet so Skye and I went into see if he was awake what had come next has changed our lives for ever I reached into the cot to get my baby boy out but when I rolled him over he was so cold and he wasn’t moving and he was a different colour and all I could do was scream my children’s fathers name and scream no no not my baby no and I took Jesse into him and he was screaming no no, in an instant we had lost our son and Skye had lost her baby brother and a part of me died that day with him.Some how I called my neighbour and she called the ambulance and all of a sudden both our parents where on their way I was told I had called them and it was a whirl wind we where questioned and I was taken to the hospital to be with our son and and at the same time our house was gone over thoroughly by the police and coroner. At the hospital the nurses and the doctor kept asking me if I wanted to be with Jesse and for a while I couldn’t as it didn’t seem real that my beautiful was gone at 3 months and 13 days old, it can’t be real no he was only playing last night he was healthy and smiling, after an hour I went in and I saw my baby laying on a cold steel table with just a sheet around him I was so angry at the people at the hospital as to why they weren’t looking after my son he was cold he will get sick so I held him to warm him up but he wast getting warm and asked them what have you done to my son please help him they told me he had passed I’m sorry they kept saying. I held my baby for as long as I could and I wanted to scream but nothing would come out except tears for hours and hours I was shattered, we had to say goodbye to our son and he was placed in the ground and I couldn’t cope I had collapsed and I ached the pain was beyond words or feelings I wanted him back in my arms to hold and love and kiss forever but he wasn’t coming back and about a week after he was buried we got a letter from the coroner to say our baby had passed from what they call SIDS- cot death.
I sit and talk to Jesse when I’m alone and tell him about what has been happening and how much mummy and his sister and brothers love him even though his brothers never got to meet him we always tell them about him, every day I miss him and everyday my heart aches the last 21 years have gone by and people had told me just after we lost him that time heals all and it doesn’t you learn to somehow gone on each day but you never heal and I never what to forget my beautiful baby,in my heart I just hope he knows that we love him so very much and that will never ever change. I have 4 beautiful here and I love them all so very much and now I have a lovely step daughter who I love to..

Posted by Becca j, 5th January 2016

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  • Thank you for sharing your very personal story and for sharing your experience with others. Your story is very moving and I am sorry for your very personal loss of your precious child. Children stay in our hearts forever and your love for your child shines through your story. x

    • Thank you so much and that is very true our love for our children is ever lasting no matter what or where we are. I wish you and your family well big hugs x


  • I’m so sorry! This is such a sad story. I can imagine you will never be able to heal completely. It’s indeed one part of you that died with Jesse that day. Poor boy. I’m sorry he didn’t get to know you and your all family better.
    Expressing your feelings the way you did, is not something that comes easy to everyone. You are very brave!!
    Too many kids still die of SIDS. Terribly sad! :-(

    • Very true it is a cause that we will never know why it happens and thank you I wanted to speak from my heart to other families that have been through the same or families that have lost love ones that it is ok to talk about your loss and know there is some one out there that will listen.. Much hugs to you and your family

      • Thank you! I’m sure your words are helping a lot of families passing through such a sad moment.


  • I am so sorry to hear you lost your son. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story.

    • Thank you and I didn’t know how to write what I wrote as I had never done this before but I knew other mums like me are great full to know that I’m not alone much hugs to you.


  • i have had a miscarriage but i haven’t been through your exact situation. i am glad that you do have such a wonderful family to surround yourself with. thank you so much for sharing your story. it really does help let mums know that they are not alone!

    • I’m sorry to hear that I’ve been there and it is so hard I hope you are well ?you are brave I wish you well much hugs to you…


  • I’m so very sorry that your son died. My heart breaks for you. I hope you have people you can talk to when you need to. Big hugs

    • Thank you.I do know for a while I didn’t and I felt so alone, I went to see a counsellor who was fantastic as for a long time I felt like I let him down or it was my fault but after a while my counsellor helped me see and come to terms with that it wasn’t my fault and I started to actually grieve but I really want other mums to know that there are people out there that listen and help you to understand that grieving is nothing to hide or be ashamed of I always felt like I had to be strong for my other children but you can be both….thank you and a happy new year to you and all you love.


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