when my daughter was born I waited for that all engulfing surge of feelings that everyone kept telling me would wash over me once she was placed in my arms and I looked at her..and I waited…and I waited some more….and Nothing.
I fed her and did everything for her and cared for her but it felt like I was just going thru the motions and that I was doing it because I’d just spent the last 9 months making her so I had a certain responsibility to do so.
It took me months to admit that there was a problem….. but after 4-5 months I finally admitted that things weren’t right, that I shouldn’t feel this way and that my daughter deserved more.
I spoke to my doctor and she advised that I had anxiety and PND. I felt like a failure, both as a mother and a women. After some counselling and regular check-ins I finally feel like I’ve connected with my daughter and I love her to bits. I finally “get” what everyone was talking about. The only thing I regret was how long it took me to speak up and ask for help…. I’m devastated and so guilty that I’ve lost so much time with my daughter and I’ll never get it back.
I hope by sharing this if there are any new mums who are feeling this way they speak up!! Don’t feel guilty, don’t feel like your a failure….it’s soooo common and not your fault!!
Don’t lose this precious time with your newborn!
Posted anonymously, 10th May 2019