My dad went in for his third open heart at the start of February. Everything went okay, I brought him home and with in three days I knew something wasn’t right. Long story short I got him to hospital with hours to spare. He ended up with a major chest infection. Coma for weeks, more surgeries and plastic surgery to close the chest wound. He’s still in rehab, and I’m in the process of getting him out and into his home by next week. My dad was totally self sufficient before. On the operating table the second time he went in his blood pressure went so low he stroked out. The right frontal lobe is now dead with clusters of other parts. He can never drive again, never drink as he is on high strength antibiotics for the rest of his life, which already mess with his warfrin levels. His personality is completely different and can’t seem to sensor appropriate behavior. So many other issues. But I’m so grateful he survived. I have set up comlink and high care for four months and have one of his friends staying with him for a while. I’m in pharmacy so I’ve sorted Webster packs. I work part time and have two small kids. My hubby is fly in fly out. I’m only 35 so this is my first time caring for a sick parent. But I’ve seen it burn ouy so many of my customers. I’m going to allocate Mon and Fri mornings to him otherwise I can see him driving me nuts. Love him to bits, but he’s always been very demanding and passive aggressive. Would love and advice from those that have been in this situation.

Posted by Starlight, 8th May 2014

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  • Thanks for sharing your story


  • hope things have improved with your dad sending prayers x


  • i hope things have improved for you all


  • I think you have gone about this the right way with creating balance between care and your own family and time.

    • I think that too. Allocating certain days is a good start.


  • Sorry to hear about your dad but he’ s so,lucky he has you for a daughter. You sound as if you’ve got good time management skills. All the best to you. My prayers are with both you and your dad.


  • my thoughts and prayers are with you, my father had a quadruple bypass, and that was one of the scariest moments of my life, but thankfully he recovered and did so well, I hope your fathers recovery is full.


  • Im sorry your going through this and hope it all gets better


  • I’m so sorry to hear what you and your dad have gone through. I’m sure it would be a massive change in both your situations. Good on you for taking up the role of carer for him on top of your job and your 2 children. I cannot be any help because I haven’t been in your position, but Please make sure you are taking good care of yourself too because the last thing you need is to run yourself into the ground!


  • I am so sorry for you and your Dad. My Mum nursed both my Grandmothers as well as both my grandads and also my dad right up until they passed, but that was whom my Mum was and she use to just say they are in pain so don’t bother taking any notice of what they say.

    My daughter and her husband are caring for my Mum and she is doing all this while doing house work washing mum’s clothes seperate due to the chemo as well she is renovating Mum’s house also works part time in aged care and has now started to her EN course as well as she had embryo plant on Monday as well as looking after a 3 1/2 year old.

    When she has to work or go to course her Hubby looks after my Mum and when they need a break she comes here for a couple of weeks or I go and stay in there but if it is just a day break she has 4 different people she can call to stay with Mum while they are out as so far this year Mum has only just got out of hospital from her 5 falls as her legs just go with no warning and a major heart attack. They do this with out any other help except for those few friends and us. Her and Hubby both did there to certs they have in age and disability so they could help Mum better with her care needed. But my daughter does have the days that my Mum drives her nuts and that’s when she just needs to get away for a few hours


  • You are doing the right thing, you also need to not put pressure on yourself. are there any other family members that can help? as you will need a break as well.
    What about in home care in the community? Have you checked if he is eligible for it? look into who and what can help you around your local community, you will be really surprised. and just remember you are doing an amazing thankless job.


  • Such a sad story but glad he is alive. I think you need to make more time if you can, you only have 1 father and I am sure he will appreciate it. It will be tough but you never know as you say he was passive aggressive and demanding but his whole outlook would have changed.

    • I know you didn’t mean to suggest that I wasn’t doing enough and make me feel bad. But Monday and Friday is more than enough. As a carer i have to check in with him every morning and every night. Check his meds and what he’s eating everyday. Make his bed every morning and do a quick clean up. Then do his shopping and all his errands. Pay all his bills in person. Take him to any appointments doctors blood tests, speech therapy, hair cuts, podiatrists and such. Cook freezer meals for him every week and the rest of his house work. So yer Mondays and Fridays for one on one time is plenty. Sorry if I sound defensive but you hit a sore point.


  • So sorry to hear everything you and your father have been through, your dad is so lucky to have you as his daughter as I’m sure there are some that would of just put him straight into a nursing home.
    I think as long as you set up a routine with him and make him understand that you can’t be around 24/7 for him and that he needs to except help when it is offered and the same with you take all the help you can for him.
    good luck in this new journey i hope everything works out well for you all.


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