Every now and again when I meet someone new I get “that question”.. How many kids do you have? And after 9 years of being a mum, it still stops me in my tracks. Oh, I know how many I have, don’t get me wrong? But do I answer 3 or 4? I have 3 here with me, but our second child died when he was 4 months old, he would be 7. I just don’t know what to say sometimes, I desperately want to say 4, it feels wrong not to, but if I do I know what is coming next.. oh, how old are they? Then I have to go into the details, which some days I can do it easy and others I’d just look at you and cry. It’s taken me a long time to get over it being ok to just say 3 (even when my mind screams 4, I have 4 beautiful children) and when you do open up about it, you discover just how many people are in your position or know someone else who is. It is amazing how a simple question can be so much more than just that.

Posted by SpotstheCat, 27th September 2013

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  • I have exactly the same problem. The way I answer depends on what day it is.


  • I am not experienced in this matter.

    It depends on how you would like to approach it and I would like to think if I was in the situation I would like to remember my Angel child. I would say I have had 4 children, one has become an angel and my 3 other children are ….. Ages. Then you have answered the question and given part of a story.

    Hope you find the answers you need xx


  • depends. strangers just tell them 3. your friends will all know your story. maybe plant a tree or something in memory of your child. i have lost a baby too and i always wonder what they would look like, what things would they like etc.


  • I can now say I have 3 and 1 angel baby, most days I can do


  • Sorry that you feel you need to explain to other people. Bless you and your children.


  • I havent been in your situation, so I dont know how you feel, but saying you have 4 children then giving the ages of 3, some people wouldnt even notice!


  • I have not and hope to never be in your situation but I feel for you. I would say whatever I feel comfortable say and I am sure that I different for different people


  • You are so brave i too lost a child I choose not to speak of him as others ont know how to react, he is with me in heart and soul, but I choose not o share as I end up comforting others over my loss, which often makes everyone uncomfortable.


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