Everyone experiences loss differently as well as expressing and grieving in our own individual way.
As a parent, I can say with the utmost hope that my greatest desire is for my children to live healthy, happy, enriched lives and that they will all outlive me.
The thought of having to bury a child of mine makes my heart ache and leaves me breathless.
It’s a negative thought which no one ever wants to give any time to. This is understandable enough, as it it a largely painful thing to consider.
Social media takes the concept of avoiding negativity to a completely new level. For example, the picture perfect lifestyle which most people try to uphold on Facebook. Where life is always beautiful and things are always running smoothly.
Often people will try to complete with their friends always trying to outdo one another with the perfect selfie or best, most talented child(ren), it even extends to who has the most loving husband.
Then there are private groups, where sometimes people discuss the not so pretty side of their lives.
One group in particular which recently caught my attention is a weight loss support group.
It’s aim is to motivate and empower mum’s to lose those extra kilo’s, and of course their ulterior motive is to sell their products as well as meal plans, recipe books and the like.
There are rules for this group, as there are for a majority of private Facebook groups. Two of which include that ones posts must be on topic and that they like to maintain an upbeat atmosphere.
Last week a member of the group submitted a post regarding her son going in to hospital, and that she planned to maintain her healthy eating plan during this time.
After the surgery, this mother edited her post.
She let everyone know that her son, five month old Sebastian, did not make it through his surgery.
My heart hurt for her. In fact she received many comments of condolence. Her post touched a great deal of members.
Her initial post was left in the group for days. Once it was edited to include her son’s passing, within 24hrs, it was deleted by administration.
They said that the post was not on topic and it didn’t maintain the “upbeat” nature of the group, and that they had to consider the thousands of other members.
Words can not describe how even more saddened I was at what they had done.
Surely even though it is a weight loss support group it would not hurt to give this lady the kindness and consideration at such a devastating time in her life.
I understand that there are rules to follow, but at a time of such great loss couldn’t she have been allowed to be consoled.
If it were one of the administrator’s who had lost their child I am certain that every member would be made aware of their loss. How is this mother’s baby any different to any other mother’s child.
I lost all respect for that group that day.
Concerned for the mother’s well being I submitted a post asking if anyone knew her name so that I could send her a message of support.
My post was deleted immediately.
Understandably the subject of the loss of a child is a negative one, which hurts all parents. But surely as human beings we are not all so heartless that we have to avoid it so entirely that we can’t even offer support to someone who has lost their baby.
I feel so hurt for this mother. Not only has she lost a part of her world, but at a time of deep devastation she was turned away.
Death is all a part of life. Parents lose children everyday.
As painful as it is to hear about, surely we can’t be so selfish that we have to ignore someone’s immense loss if it doesn’t affect us.
We try to maintain this positive profile on social media so as to never let our guard down. We avoid those that mention negative experiences. And offer very little support to anyone who isn’t bursting with happiness.
Does this really need to extend across to the loss of a baby. To the point where a mother’s grieving post is deleted as it simply was not “upbeat” enough.
I wish this mother strength and love at a time in her life where things will never be the same again. And I hope she is able to find peace.
If only we could maintain the empathy we have as children into our adulthood, there would be so much more love in the world.