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It may be an innocent, well-meaning question but it can be devastating for some couples. A woman has shared the reason why strangers should never ask other people why they don’t have kids.

Canadian Lisa Marie opened up on Twitter about a hurtful confrontation she recently had when a stranger questioned why she didn’t yet have any children.

twitter-kids

Many others related to the post, which has been re-tweeted over 99,000 times.

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She followed up with a further explanation of her situation.

Mind Your Own Business

“Seriously, though: Don’t ask people why they don’t have kids or stopped at one. There can be so many painful, personal reasons why that’s the case. Regardless of your reasons, it’s nobody’s business.

“This is my real life and something I get asked constantly. And it’s never a comfortable conversation the times I have to tackle it.

“It’s sad we have to lay our hearts out there so bare just to get some peace and quiet about something that’s nobody’s business but ours.”

So Cringy

Many supporters responded that they had received similar awkward questions.

“I once had an entire crew laugh at me because I said ‘I’m working overtime so we can have a child’.

“When one of them said ‘You need to be home more to have a kid’ I had to tell them that my wife has a genetic condition that results in a 1 in 16 chance of taking a baby to term.”

While another said, “We kept getting asked all through years of infertility. Eventually we took your route and just said “we’re trying but failing”. Made people shut up real fast.”

“My wife had an awful pregnancy and delivery/c-section, and terrible post-partum issues, and decided she didn’t want any more,” wrote another.

“Somehow that response is not acceptable to people. I’m just going to start saying I’m infertile to spare her from it.”

Have you ever been asked an intrusive question? Tell us in the comments

  • I can’t agree more with this article. Some people don’t even think about the possibility of not having because it can’t happen

    Reply

  • I know it is ingrained in us but we need to change the narrative. I was on IVF for 2.5 years and tried to have a baby for 4 years so I’ve heard it all and was asked it all. And when we finally had our miracle child with our last embryo, the questions on next children continued. I never imagined myself as a Mum to an only child, but I’m grateful everyday that I am a Mum.

    Reply

  • It’s sad but some people just don’t think before they speak sometimes. There could be a number of reasons why someone doesn’t have children. Other people should not need to ask because it isn’t their business really

    Reply

  • I had numerous miscarriages and they found out I had endometriosis. Had a procedure done which left me with one fallopian tube and 1/2 an ovary. Told it would be difficult to fall pregnant then miracle happened. I fell pregnant but miscarried at 3 months. Luckily I now have 2 wonderful sons. I never wanted to leave the house because I couldn’t handle the questions any more. I’d never ask anyone if or when they were going to have children because I know how I felt.

    Reply

  • Definitely not something you should ask. I was in my early thirties and getting you better hurry up, tick tock. It’s not like you don’t know how old you are and when you’ve been trying and it’s not working these comments are just a painful reminder it may be slipping away. Think before you speak.

    Reply

  • Yes I’ve been asked and found it very intrusive and hurtful at that time

    Reply

  • i hate this question, some people are just so insensitive


    • yes some people are, but luckily not all

    Reply

  • I agree that this is a question you should never ask others. It is such a personal thing. Having been through miscarriages I know the pain a question like this can cause.

    Reply

  • Yes, during my 20’s and 30’s (happily married), was asked several times when I was going to start having kids/family … no ones business except mine and my husbands and, yes, it deeply offended and hurt me …..

    Reply

  • Not a question I’ve ever asked, not even to my own kids! My sister in law had a hysterectomy age 19 due to endometriosis, I think this is part of the reason why I don’t ask as I know how heart wrenching it was (and still is) for her and my brother. But I also don’t ask because it’s such a big thing to have a baby, it’s one hundred percent only the individuals choice whether to have no kids or ten!

    Reply

  • No-ones business if another has children or not. Some are unable to and others simply choose not to.

    Reply

  • So so so true!

    Reply

  • I feel so sorry for Lisa Marie – people just shouldn’t keep harping over others having babies. It is up to them if they wish to tell you, otherwise keep quiet – there could be many reasons that you aren’t aware of and which they aren’t willing to discuss, but nonetheless it may be very painful for them.

    Reply

  • No i would not ask this.I heard lots of sad stories.

    Reply

  • I think people shouldn’t ask about the amount of children as well. I had 2 boys then a girl people assumed I was done and shocked when I had baby #4….I would love another and everyone assumes I am done now

    Reply

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