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A mum has penned a heartbreaking note to her infertility journey.

Sharing her story on the Love What Matters Facebook page, Desiree Fortin, the mum behind The Fortin Trio blog, opens up about her love-hate relationship with her fertility.

Dear Infertility,

I hated you.

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You steal dreams. You break hearts. You bring grief. You consume lives. You are the reason I couldn’t get pregnant on my own.

You drowned my heart in deep misery from the inability to become a Mother how most women do. You told me that my body wasn’t good enough. You may have been a huge part of my story, but you never defined me. And on this day, two years ago, I kicked your ass. I defeated you. I showed you there is victory in infertility and God finally planted life in my womb.

Infertility, there are so many things you brought with you when you entered my life. It wasn’t just that I couldn’t get pregnant. You brought me more tears than I ever thought I could shed. Because of you I laid on my bathroom floor in complete emptiness after countless negative pregnancy tests time and time again I had to endure shots, bruises, and all kinds of meds because when you are infertile and you seek fertility treatment for help, that is what you are in for. You are expensive and exhausting physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Infertility, you drowned my heart in disappointment and agony. And truthfully, it was pretty painful every time I heard the words “I’m pregnant” from someone other than myself. And yet, in the midst of all of that-you brought me hope.

As much as I hated you, Infertility, I am also so thankful that you were my story. You made me strong. Even before I got pregnant, my strength was rising. Not only did I feel like Superwoman after all of those injections, meds, blood draws, doctor visits, etc. but I found strength emotionally, as well. I learned how to be brave and walk our story with faith trusting that God knew every single detail better than I did. I learned how to be courageous as my husband gave me a progesterone shot that hurt like you wouldn’t believe every single night for 2 months so I could get and stay pregnant. Infertility, you taught me that I am never alone in my darkest days. Never did I imagine I would be labeled as infertile. Nor did I imagine that we would seek fertility treatment.

However, infertility, it is because of you that I get to be a Mum to Charlize, Sawyer, and Jax. This love that I get to experience with them is absolutely undeniable. It is the greatest feeling in the world and if you weren’t part of my story, I would be missing out on a truly honorable role as their Mommy. It is because of you that two years ago I found myself lying on a Doctor’s bed waiting for two precious and perfectly made embryos to be transferred to my womb.

Infertility, God used you in in my life to make a platform for my story and reach the hearts of people walking the same pain I was in. And it is because of you that I have a greater understanding of what hope really is.

Infertility, I don’t hate you, not anymore. God makes beauty out of ashes. You were my ashes, but God made you beautiful. If it wasn’t for you-for the extreme heartache you caused me, the lies you told me, the grief you brought my heart over and over again. Hope does not disappoint. Hope is having faith for what seems impossible. It is trusting God when it feels hopeless. My journey to parenthood was nothing short of hope.

Infertility, today, when I really reflect on those years when you were apart of my life, I can only say, Thank you.”

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  • there are man ways around this now due to medical advances and even adoption. many people need a mum. you appreciate your kids in a different way when you struggle like that

    Reply

  • Powerful post, but how lucky are we all now that IVF is around. It means that we can fight infertility like our earlier sisters never could.

    Reply

  • This is a very powerful letter / article. It was so brave of Desiree to tell her story.
    It may help others to understand what is involved.

    Reply

  • I never experienced infertility but I did experience miscarriage. Its an awesome love you have for a child you were unsure would ever exist.

    Reply

  • Beautiful !
    Amen sista, God makes beauty out of ashes indeed !
    Congrats on your parenthood !!
    To be thankful for infertility because it strengtheneth you is great, but my heart goes out to those who never could say good bye to infertility, who never conceived and who’s hopes broke.

    Reply

  • wow what an amazing letter – she shares so honestly and I think this would be a wonderful thing for other women who are having their own battles to read – thank you for sharing your experience

    Reply

  • One minute the world is yours and the next your a broken mess. I’m learning to be strong again.

    Reply

  • It is a very difficult experience.

    Reply

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