Amy Carney is a mum to five (including teenage triplets) and author of Raising Kids without regret.
Amy believes we all need to walk away from doing these 8 things for our teenagers by the time they turn 13!
1. Waking them up in the morning
Amy says, “If you are still waking little Johnny up in the mornings, it’s time to let an alarm clock do its job.”
2. Making their breakfast and packing their lunch
Amy adds, “My job is only to make sure there is food in the house so that they can eat breakfast and pack themselves a lunch.”
3. Filling out their paperwork
Amy shares, “Our teens are expected to fill out all of their own paperwork, to the best of their ability. They put the papers to be signed on a clipboard and leave it for me on the kitchen island. I sign them and put them back on their desks.”
She believes we need to hold teens accountable. “They will need to fill out job and college applications soon and they need to know how to do that without your intervention.”
4. Delivering their forgotten items
Amy explains, “Parents don’t miss opportunities to provide natural consequences for your teens. Forget something? Feel the pain of that. Kids also get to see, that you can make it through the day without a mistake consuming you.”
Amy says they have a rule that Mum and Dad are not to get pleading texts from school asking for forgotten items. “It still happens, but we have the right to just shoot back “that’s a bummer.”
5. Making their failure to plan your emergency
“School projects do not get assigned the night before they are due. Therefore, I do not run out and pick up materials at the last minute to get a project finished. I do always keep poster boards and general materials on hand for the procrastinating child. But, other needed items, you may have to wait for”, explains Amy.
6. Doing all of their laundry
“What? YOU didn’t get my shorts washed? This response always backfires on the kid who may lose their mind thinking that I’m the only one who can do laundry around here. Every once in awhile a child needs a healthy reminder that I do not work for them.” Harsh?
7. Emailing and calling their teachers and coaches
“If our child has a problem with a teacher or coach, he is going to have to take it to the one in charge. There is no way that we, as parents, are going to question a coach or email a teacher about something that should be between the authority figure and our child”, says Amy.
8. Meddling in their academics
Amy begs, “put the pencil down parents. Most of the time, I honestly couldn’t tell you what my kids are doing for school work. We talk about projects and papers over dinner, but we’ve always had the expectation for our kids to own their work and grades.
At times, they’ve earned Principals Lists, Honor Rolls and National Junior Honor Society honors on their own accord. At other times, they’ve totally missed the mark.”
I must admit I struggle with a few of these and would not expect my 13 year old son to do a few of these himself, especially emailing teachers and completing paperwork, we do encourage him to chat to his teacher about any problems but I will make contact on his behalf IF that is what he wants. Does that make me a softy though? I think it just means I care?
Do you agree?
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