After several painful years trying to have a baby, one woman says the thought of spending Mother’s Day celebrating with her mother-in-law fills her with dread.

But she’s not sure if she’s being unreasonable by continually refusing to spend the day with her husband’s family, because she’s carrying the weight of her own infertility.

She says she and her husband have been struggling with infertility for years, including a number of miscarriages and two failed IVF cycles.

“For obvious reasons, Mother’s Day is hard for me,” she explained. “I don’t like celebrating it and it’s a reminder if everything we’ve gone through. I have told my husband this repeatedly, but my MIL keeps inviting us to Mother’s Day brunches even though this is a major pain point.”

The couple are in the midst of another IVF cycle, and Mother’s Day will be especially emotional this year.

“We just had an embryo implantation last Thursday and the pregnancy test to see if it worked is the day after Mother’s Day. I know it’s stupid but I don’t want to go celebrate my MIL and SIL and their successful pregnancies while worrying about whether mine will continue.

“My mother-in-law however, is, let’s say ‘less than thrilled’. It’s starting to get to me and I’m worried I am being unreasonable for wanting to stay home. Am I the a**hole for not attending?”

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  • This conversation would be better had a long time before Mothers’ day. That way her MIL will understand what is happening.


  • Although I understand how hard it is for you, your MIL will probably be very supportive when you achieve motherhood yourself and it is a day your husband should celebrate with her for being his mother.


  • I would just say I feel sick that day….and avoid going, won’t help with the good vibrations you need right now.


  • Mothers day can be very difficult when youre struggling with fertility. Your feelings are valid. Perhaps hubby can go on his own.


  • It is very hard for people who haven’t gone through this to understand it, which I guess is where your MIL is coming from. But I think what you feel is very real, and it is entirely reasonable to absent yourself from celebrations which make you feel bad.


  • I understand what you are going through. I had multiple miscarriages and didn’t want to celebrate Mother’s Day. You need to do what makes the day easier for you. Suggest your husband goes for his Mum’s sake and you stay at home relaxing.


  • I can totally relate to this having undergone IVF for 2.5 years. It’s a shame your MIL can’t be more empathetic and leave you be on this day. Do something for yourself that will make the day less painful. Your hubby can go see his Mother for a visit, but I’d like to think he’s also mindful of the Mum you so desperately want to be. It’s such a hard day. I wish you the best.


  • I think it’s good on Mother’s Day to remember those who struggle with this day and emphasize with them;
    those who struggle to conceive
    those who never saw their wish to have a child fulfilled
    those who lost babies or a child
    those who lost their mum
    those who never had a good relationship with their mum
    those who were abused
    those who’s their kids were removed

    • I agree and the number one priority for a husband is to provide 100% support to a wife.


  • I fully understand where you are coming from on this one.
    You feel how you feel, you aren’t choosing to feel this way, it’s a totally valid reaction to a very painful journey you are navigating as best you can. Your MIL is a mum obviously, so for her perhaps it’s never been an issue, but it’s a pity she cant put herself in your shoes and think how tough Mothers Day is for some of us. You should nt have to be guilted into playing along or made to feel worse than you do. Your only duty is to take care of you. If your partner cant get through to his mum then that’s doubley hard, but you have to be gentle and kind to yourself. That’s absolutely the most important thing here. You have to consider what ‘s best for you, as she, the MIL, isnt.
    I hope you get through this year’s one without too much pain and sadness, and good luck with your future journey.xxx


  • You have your own feelings and right to feel them. People need to be a little more empathetic!


  • I feel like mothers day seems to be a bigger celebration than I remember as a kid. We made mum a card, when we were old enough made her brekky, but certainly didn’t go out and celebrate the day. If you’re not up to having a day with the MIL and SIL don’t, life sucks and stress isn’t good when you’re going through medical stuff. I’m sure they’ll understand if you just let them know you need a bit of you time that day.


  • I hear what you are saying but at the same time without your MIL you would not have your husband and that what Mothers Day is about. She is and always will be his Mother and he needs to spend time with her on Mothers Day. I hear your pain and if you 100% cant face the day then you stay home but he needs to see his Mother.


  • My abusive ex is not understanding why I don’t want to spend my first mother’s day with him… would rather do absolutely nothing with my mum!


  • This is a very hard situation and I can understand you not wanting to celebrate mothers day. I also noticed you havent mentioned your own mother? Is this another reason for not celebrating? I do think its important that your MIL is shown that she is appreciated though, as mothers day is not just about becoming a mother but also about having one; so even if your not up to attending maybe your husband could. After all without your MIL your husband wouldn’t be here. .


  • I can understand her pain and may want to seek counseling to give these losses and this grief a place. I would be good if husband supports his wife and help her to verbalize to his mother why this is so hard for her, so his mum can understand and emphasize . He could visit his mum by himself too.


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