A new mum says she won’t change her four-month-old daughter’s name, even though it’s breaking her sister-in-law’s heart.

The mum says she and her husband named their daughter Ember because they both loved the name, and at the time of her birth, so did the rest of the family.

“We announced the day she was born and nobody said anything negative or gave a reason for us not to use it then,” she explained.

“I say this because three days ago my sister-in-law, who is married to my brother, sat me down and asked me to change the name because it’s the name of her stillborn daughter she had with her ex-husband seven years ago.

“She told me she tried to keep it quiet but she couldn’t let me keep calling my daughter Ember because it’s such a painful reminder for her. She told me she really feels like we should change her name.”

The new mum says that she gently told her sister-in-law that it’s been four months since her daughter was born, and her name is on the birth certificate.

“It would cost us to change it, so we will not. She told me she tried so hard not to say anything and the fact she did eventually break and bring this up should show how hard this is for her and make me more willing to change the name for her sake.”

The mum says she talked to her husband, and he also feels they shouldn’t have to change their daughter’s name.

“He told me it seemed like a weak excuse to wait four, almost five months, to tell us, when she had the chance long before this.”

“My brother found out about the conversation with his wife and he reached out and told me she mentioned it to him two months ago and that she was battling with asking us to change the name since, but he understands why I said no and supports the decision.”

But the sister-in-law is heartbroken, and still wants the baby’s name changed.

“Yesterday she reached out to me again and asked me if we had decided on a new name yet and I told her my answer is still no and she asked why and I told her she waited four months to tell us.

“She became very angry very quickly and told me if she had lost my niece my response would be different and I should see this as her losing my niece because she would have been if she were alive.

“She also told me my daughter is going to grow up always hearing about the cousin I gave her the same name as and that I should reconsider before burdening my daughter with that. She told me a good person with good morals would.”

She now wants to know whether she’s in the wrong for refusing to change her baby’s name. Let us know what you think in the comments below. 

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  • If she was that upset she could have said something much sooner. I don’t think you should change your daughter’s name, especially after so long. I’m sorry for her loss but you weren’t to know abut it.


  • It’s a tough one and a sensitive topic.


  • Definitely not in the wrong, you keep your daughter’s name. Yes it may not be easy for the Sister-in-law but she really should be honoured to have the name in the family. Why didn’t the sister-in-law tell anyone the stillborn babies name???


  • She can’t expect them to do that four months later after she never said anything. I too had a stillborn and I would be so happy an honoured if a family member used his name ❤️


  • Seriously? It’s the stillborn daughter of her sister-in-law and ex-partner- they’re not even related! It’s not like they would have known about a distant connection and it’s completely unreasonable to ask them to change the name. Maybe she should look at it as the name of her daughter living on and keeping the memory alive.

    • Yes and it’s 7 years ago. I think it’s time for SIL to find some professional help


  • Ooh this is tough. Did you know this was her stillborn daughter’s name? It feels like you didn’t. I can’t imagine you would have chosen it if you had know. I don’t think you should change your daughter’s name but appreciate it’s such a tough and emotional time. .


  • I don’t think you should caved in to her. She lost her child 7 years ago. She needs counselling if she still couldn’t get over it. I know it’s difficult to hear the name but she can’t expect you to change your daughter’s name after nearly 5 months.


  • The SiL needs to get psychologist support to help with her trauma and grief. She cannot blame anyone but herself for the situation and as for the future, she may divorce her brother anyway!


  • Definitely not don’t change her name it’s not fair of her to ask 4 months later no way


  • You cant change her name after four months!


  • There is more than 1 Ember in the world so would SIL want everyone to change their children’s names? Like others on here have said it could be tribute. Maybe they should give it a positive spin and not a negative


  • I would suggest the sister-in-law go and get some mental health help. That name will be used and around for the rest of her days so she will need to learn how to progress through life peacefully whilst hearing it. Its sad and unfortunate, and maybe if she had told the parents the day they decided on the babies name.. or shared that story with her family beforehand it wouldn’t have been an issue.
    But 4 months on, you’ve fallen in love with your little baby and been calling her that name with what feels like forever (during those first few months).
    By saying the little girl will be burdened with the name is straight up nasty.. I hope the family can work it out and the sister-in-law can get the help she needs.


  • Tough situation, I think your SIL needs some help.


  • The parents were not aware in the last 7 years, so shouldn’t be pressired into changing the baby’s name. Many people are named ‘in memory’ of passed loved ones. This could be one of them


  • The sister in law perhaps should look at this as a tribute to her late daughter. I was named after my late grandmother as a tribute to her. It can be turned into a positive.


  • It sounds like the pain is still very raw for her and probably will be for sometime. It needs time.

    • Time and some professional support might be a good pathway.

      • Yes I think professional help would be appropriate


  • SIL was probably trying to deal with her grief herself and not “bother” or ” burden” the parents with it – I understand. But no, I don’t think she can or should force a change of name.


  • This is a tough situation and surprising in that it’s not even a super common name. It would be hard for sil but unfortunately whatever the name was someone is going to use it. I wouldn’t be chasing it now either.


  • I wouldn’t change the name. Very sad memories for the sister in law, but bubs been alive for 4 months, something needed to be said earlier


  • This is sad but not your fault and I would not change the name. She, or her husband, could have told you as soon as she was born. Expecting this is too much.


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