How often do we get caught up in the “if only’s” of life, wishing our life was different or like someone else’s life.

We put all our focus and energy on these “if onlys”, if only I had a better job, if only my kids would listen to me, if only I could go on a holiday, if only I was thinner and the list goes on and on.

This was me for a long time; I thought that if I could change that one thing in my life, then I would be happy! The only problem was that it never stopped, once I would reach that one all important thing, there would be another one for me to attain.

In actual fact, it did not make a difference if all my “if only’s” were fulfilled! I was still the same person, with the same thoughts and feelings no matter what I had on the outside.

I needed to deal with my own internal feelings that were causing me to feel the need to want something other than what I had right now.

I needed to fill myself up from the inside out, rather than relying on the outside to fill me up.

When you rely on outside influences, it is very disempowering as you have no control on these things (yes you can influence them but ultimately the control is not there). What you can control is how you think, behave, act and react. This is what is important!

By fulfilling ourselves from the inside, we will be able to let go of the need to have “if only’s” in our lives!

I would also like to make a point to say that this does not mean that you should not strive to achieve things or set goals for yourself. It means that you should not make these outcomes your main focus.

Let go of your need / desire / want to be like someone else or to have something else in your life.

Focus on what you have and be grateful for everything and everyone in your life.

To help with this I encourage you to write in a gratitude diary every night. I write four things that I am grateful for in that day. I focus on everything about me, the good and the not so good bits! (Yes, there is even gratitude to be had from a not so good situation in our life, as you have the opportunity to learn and develop as a person).

Start to focus on yourself, always focusing on your internal emotions and thoughts, rather than looking on the outside wishing for something that may or may not be possible.

Be grateful and enjoy your life with what you have and everyone in your life.

This was an excerpt from my e-course program called Ignite Your Possibilities. For more information on this please visit my webpage.
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  • So true !


  • I occasionally get bogged down in the what ifs and why mes. But mostly I’m pretty happy with what I have and don’t wish for much at all


  • Feel positive. Nothing else matter…


  • i love this really positive article! this is very inspiring! thank you


  • Thanks again for sharing; enjoying a gratitude diary.


  • Great article,I do the only what if at times ,but try to be grateful of what we have .Empowering words !


  • I am currently on this path myself. I have spent far too much time worrying and obsessing about ‘if onlys’ and ‘what ifs’ that I have damaged precious relationships around me. Thank you for the gratitude diary idea. What a blessing it is to focus on some good for a change :)


  • Feeling inspired, thanks for the great article


  • Great article, fantastic ideas.


  • Thanks for this interesting article and for the lovely idea of a gratitude diary.


  • thank you totally agree life is to short


  • Good tips thank you for the info


  • Dr Rosina thank you for your comment – what a wonderful thing to do! you have really inspired me to get this happening at our dinner table. So often we are caught up in the rush of the day and barely have time to focus on just a few things that have been a blessing in our day. Thank you so much for sharing!


  • You should be happy with the life you have and if not then make steps to improve that not be wishing you had someone else’s life, job etc, change your own so you are happy and no longer wishing you had something someone else has.


  • Great article! I don’t really get caught up in what ifs, but my husband tends to — I will be sharing this one with him for a bit of a different perspective. Thanks very much!!


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