I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been asked  “Was the baby planned?”

Errrr planned? Well, if planning a baby means a brief moment of insanity and one too many cocktails then yes, yes it was.

When we found out we were pregnant the second time around… it was different. There were no high fives or crazy dance moves around the lounge room. Instead, it was just a look we gave each other, like “What have we done?”, “Oh my god!”, “Are we ready?” Our son Mac had just clocked 8 months – cue freak out….

Underneath it all, we were super excited!

My always reassuring husband was quick to tell me, it was simply TOO late to freak out and we just needed to adapt and deal with it. Always the realist. Don’t get me wrong, underneath it all we were both super excited – a sibling for Mac! He didn’t know it yet, however in less than 9 months he would have a little sister to jump all over, poke and prod and one day swoon over all her friends.

Since Lila entered the world, Mac has really impressed us with his ‘big brother’ responsibilities. Well, most of the time anyway. Of course, like any siblings they have their “moments”. Like the time you look over and see his foot 2cm from stomping on her head, or when he is adamant a sultana must be able to squeeze into her tiny nostril.

I’m sure there are challenges with all age gaps, but here are a few things I’ve found from having them so close:

Breastfeeding a newborn while having an almost-two-year-old run around the house like a maniac, is almost impossible. The cries for my attention are frustrating when I am not able to communicate, “another ten minutes and I’m all yours”.

Sleep is my kryptonite. When I get it, I can be Supermum. But unfortunately with two under two, that’s a rarity. With Mac finally sleeping through, going back to waking every 3 hours is tough.

The logistics! My neighbours must think I’m a crazy woman. Trying to wrangle both kids into their carseats with a nappy bag big enough for a short holiday… barely seems worth it for a trip to the supermarket. Thank god for grocery shopping online.

My ME time has almost vanished. At least when there was one, I found time to shower alone… and go to the toilet in peace.

What makes it all worthwhile, is when I hear the two of them giggling and chattering away in their own language. Their faces light up like they’re sharing some secret even I’m not in on.

I feel fortunate that I’ve met a number of Mums in the same situation; old friends, new friends and hopefully a few more to come. These women make me feel normal. We have to stick together and be able to laugh through the craziness of it all!

I don’t believe there is a so-called “good” time to try for number two. I say, trust your own gut …. AND if in doubt, go easy on those cocktails when you’re feeling fertile.

Now I guess the question is, do we go for number 3?

What are the age gaps between your kids? Or what kind of age gap are you planning? What challenges do you face?

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  • I was asked over and over if my third was planned as there was a 5 year gap. Yes she was planned. All my kids were.


  • My kids are, or are turning, 14, 11 and 7 this year. My older two (who I share care with my ex-husband) get along well, but they get easily irritated by their younger sibling who can be full-on. My youngest I have 100% and she gets overexcited when they are with me half the week. I think that’s why they’re not as close with her. I wish I had them all to myself but am grateful my older two have a good father.


  • My boys are 15 months apart. We handnt got down to the business of actually ‘trying’ but we stopped using contraception as we knew we needed to crack on given oir age. However it was still a shock because quite frankly having a6 month old means there’s not a lot of action in the bedroom. Anyway now they are 2.3 and 3.5 and I’m finding it harder than ever. They are both really wanting my attention now and when they don’t get it they just wrestle. I’m hoping it will get easier as they get older


  • Having kids close together, whether planned or not, can be a good thing in the long run. I wouldn’t stress it too much


  • I really don’t think it’s anyones business! I on the other hand only want one for a few reasons and I always get the ‘oh you can’t just have one!’ or ‘No, have another you will get used to it and like it!’ Most people don’t know our reasons and I feel hurt when they judge on our decisions


  • Yep, I remember my feelings when we got pregnant with my second one. My first was not even 4 months old and prem. By the time my son was born, my first was still in size 3-6 months old clothes and 12months and 3 weeks of age. But it was so good ! For many years they were such close buddies and always playing together.


  • I think I will just see how I go with baby 1 first…it seems so hard already.


  • I think only people who lots of patience can plan their babies. I have had some surprises and the one we did try to plan so our oldest had a sibling close in age was not meant to be. The first three are about 18 months apart and then was told any more would be dangerous. The youngest was about sixteen years old and then the last surprises came ten years later. Yes twins so they were the last and no I am not sorry that I became one of those old mum’s as for the twins had plenty of help from older siblings.


  • My last three were all close – roughly 17 months apart each of them and they have remained close all their lives. So wonderful to watch them growing up and still sharing that closeness


  • So many personal factors of when is a good time for a baby and whatever works best for your family is great. There will always be up and down sides so embrace the good parts and survive the bad.


  • My baby is currently 6 months old and the thought of another one now makes me shudder a little bit!!


  • I’ve got nine years between my two and physically, I could feel that the gap was taking a toll on my body. For them, it’s a very lovely Dovey relationship thanks to my eldests maturity and patience. I love watching them together. I’ve also been asked if my youngest was planned, how the heck do you plan a child? It’s not like pregnancy can be uarenteed by any method of conception. Hahaha.


  • My second child was 6 months old when I found out we were expected our third. So I have a 6year old, a 15month and a newborn. No they weren’t planned, but it hasn’t left us with any regret with the age difference..
    We only find having two kids under the age of two is a bit difficult with some things. Eg feeding newborn while watching the 15month. Who is literally into everything.


  • It’s not quite the same but I had four kids four and under! (admittedly there was a set of twins in the middle) and all were planned!


  • My two have an age gap of 13 months. Yes it was planned and we tried to get the gap closer than that as well. Yep, I got asked “Are you insane?”. I also got “Oh you poor thing”. Thanks for the vote of confidence everyone and barely a congratulation on the second pregnancy and the birth as well, it was almost like it didn’t count.


  • You just have to do what is right for you.


  • There are 3 years between my kids. I had a friend years ago whose brother was born in the same year as she was. Now that’s fast, 2 births in 12 months!


  • This is interesting! Thank you for sharing this!


  • I think it’s so rude to ask if it was planned I was asked that for my first and we had been married for a bit. It kind of took the excitement telling everyone away when they asked that.

    • yes some people don’t think before they speak hey


  • If I didn’t have uni to finish I’m not sure I’d leave a big gap. My 8 month old is so social and loves playmates. The dilemma. Sigh. At least ‘unplanned’ takes the decision away.


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