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Article Be the person you want your children to be…

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When I became a Mother and I had my 4 innocent children looking at me whom I wanted to teach to love themselves, value themselves and feel happy with who they are – just as they are.

I myself did not feel this inside and I struggled for many years with this as I wanted desperately to teach my children to be these things, yet I did not know how to as I did not even know how to feel it myself.

I was bullied throughout my high school years and as a result had low self-value and little self-esteem.

These feelings of not being good enough infiltrated every area of my life and affected all my rela­tionships with my parents, my husband, my friends and eventually, my children. I always felt I wasn’t good enough.

Not a good wife, not a good daughter, not a good mother. I was desperate not to pass this legacy onto my children.

I wanted my children to love themselves, be happy and accept who they were in any situation and in every area of their lives. How could I teach them this if I didn’t know how to love myself and didn’t feel these things inside myself?

I needed to deal with my issues and the emotional baggage from my high school bullying to be able to become the very best Mother for my children and become the person that I wanted them to be. Children learn 80% of their behaviours through role modelling, so I needed to step up and practice what I wanted to preach!

The first thing I did was start to acknowledge and understand what my self-talk (internal dialogue) was and what I was actually saying to myself on a daily, hourly and minutely basis. These feelings of low self-worth infiltrated every thought and changed my perspective on everything around me. These negative feelings had overtaken all my thoughts and ultimately experiences in life. I had become my own worst enemy!

Once I was able to acknowledge this I was then able to start to identify what the triggers where and how I could change these thoughts into more positive ones.

It is not easy as these negative thoughts and beliefs had become a habit and my brain did not know how to think differently. It takes time and practice (and lots of practice).

What are you internal thoughts saying about you? How are your internal thoughts influencing your external world?

To make the change ask yourself – How can I start to treat myself like my own best friend? How can I treat myself with compassion and kindness?

You can read more about my story and how I empowered myself from the inside out, for myself and ultimately for my children in my latest book Beyond The Schoolyard. Check it out here.

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Comments

  • Self empowerment is an excellent tool…such an inspiring story…Gxxx

    Reply

  • I always was, but seems my children and turning out to be themselves 🙂

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  • Thanks for sharing your story.

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  • We really need to like ourselves more…..it’s unfortunate that others feel they have a say in that….. and that we listen. I go through stages where I put myself down a lot….. not a good thing 🙁

    • Often our negative thoughts become a bad habit, which we focus on. It takes time and effort to break any bad habit. Thanks for reading my article. x

    Reply

  • Kids do pick up on what we do a lot, but why is it always the naughty or bad stuff they pick up best?

    • Often the ‘bad stuff’ is what we focus on and as we are often our own worst enemy we see this more than the ‘good stuff’. Start to focus on the good stuff and take note of that – you will be surprised at how much ‘good stuff’ there is. Thanks for reading my article. x

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  • Great advise!!! Thanks for sharing.

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  • Ive always told my kids that I wasnt the perfect mother as there is no perfect mother…but i was the best mother that I could be each day of their lives….some days were better then others.

    • It is not about being a perfect mother, it is about being the best mother you can be and always coming from a place of love! Thanks for reading my article. x

    Reply

  • so often our self worth is judged on how the Bullies see us, not on our true value. I would like to remind everyone that each of us is a unique and valuable member of the human race. We are the only people entitled to judge ourselves!

    • Absolutely agreed. Thanks for reading my article. x

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  • This is so true and something I struggle with often. Thank you for sharing, you’re doing a great job xx

    • Thank you for your encouragement and for reading my article. x

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  • What a moving story that has the ability to touch many; I also believe that all of us a mothers, due to the mothering of nieces friends children and children whilst in our care. It doesnt always take biologically having a baby to be a mother. This story also reminds me of something I recently studied in sociology called the looking glass self; how we see ourselfs isnt always how others see us or who we really are! something worth looking up.

    • Very true, how we see ourselves is totally tainted by our thoughts and perceptions of what is going on at the time. We need to be kinder on ourselves always. Thanks for reading my article. x

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  • So very true. Children ultimately learn from us!

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  • It’s funny but so often we treat ourselves way worse than we treat other people. I know I do, and I often think that if I was as kind, forgiving and encouraging to myself as I am to others, I’d be a lot happier.

    • Definitely agreed. How can you be kind and loving to yourself today? Start one day at a time and focus on making changes with the little things in your life. Thanks for reading my article. x

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  • very interesting a lot of useful tips

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  • thank you and do hope your new you is working well.

    • Yes the new me is working out very well! Thanks for reading my article. x

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  • Very interesting article!

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  • I make the extra effort to regularly tell him he’s loved, he’s gorgeous inside an out. But… there is that doubt that my insecurities seep out.

    • Start to tell yourself that you are gorgeous inside and out too! Thanks for reading my article. x

    Reply

  • This really resonated with me. I’m very conscious of not putting my issues on my son about food, weight, low self-esteem. I make the extra effort to regularly tell him he’s loved, he’s gorgeous inside an out. But… there is that doubt that my insecurities seep out.

    • That is fabulous, well done. Start to tell yourself that you love yourself too and treat yourself like you are your own best friend from the inside out. Thanks for reading my article. x

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  • We should all practice what we teach our little adults x thanks

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  • Leading by example is often the hardest, but most rewarding, path to take.

    • Very true, often the hardest things in life are the most rewarding too. Thanks for reading my article. x

    Reply

  • So true, kids learn more from what we do than what we say

    Reply
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