Is it just me or does everyone get overwhelmed at the supermarket? Just when I think I know where I can find everything, someone decides that the aisles need rearranging and suddenly nothing is logical.

Dried fruit is in the healthy aisle, my favourite sauce has been moved to the international section and don’t even get me started on where to find the apricot nectar!

And then there’s the packaging info. I thought I was reasonably intelligent but when I’m faced with those huge lists of ingredients and numbers, I start having panic attacks and am sure I’m poisoning my family. I have been known to walk out of the shop with nothing because I can’t make a decision!

Well, that didn’t work!

I went through a stage of trying to eliminate everything I’d read that was supposedly harmful. That shopping trip took about 7 hours and I came home with four products that all tasted like shite and toilet paper everyone hated.

My sugar-free phase was met with equal confusion and failure.

I have now decided on a happy medium which basically consists of ‘don’t buy junk food and try not to overanalyse everything’.

Three Shopping Rules

My three rules:
1) Go shopping with a list
2) Never shop hungry and
3) Avoid the chocolate aisle!

To help get it off my chest, I’ve put my supermarket struggles into song. Check it out below:

LOOKING FOR THE MARMALADE

Sung to the hit disco tune ‘Lady Marmalade’

This one’s for my shopping sisters, don’t get overwhelmed sisters
Refined sugar, raw sugar

Bleached sugar, brown sugar

Almond flour, rice flour

Wholemeal flour, spelt

 

My mind it explodes in the supermarket

Too many labels to read

Let’s get this done quick

In and out in a flick

 

Gluten, vegan, dietary fibre

Trans fat, monosaturated

Fructose, lactose, vinegar cider

Where’s the orange marmalade?

 

Farm laid, barn laid, cage free, grain fed. Say What?

Bleached, unbleached, all natural, say what?

 

Should I try vegan and give it a go?

I’m not all that fussed about meat.

But that means no milk

No eggs and no cheese

 

Hell no I can’t do without gouda

Camembert and brie are my life

Wine and cheese are married forever

I still can’t find the marmalade

 

Oat milk, goat milk, rice milk, soy milk? Low fat?

Homogenised and pasteurised what?

 

Who owns the screaming kid in aisle ten?

How can I possibly shop

Look If she wants chocolate I’ll buy her a bar

Does she want two, three or four?

Is 621 food colouring or not?

It’s monosodium glutamate

I need a scientific pharmacalogical degree

To be sure sure sure

 

Gluten, vegan, dietary fibre

Trans fat, monosaturated

Fructose, lactose, vinegar cider

Where the f..k’s the marmalade?

 

Farm laid, barn laid, cage free, grain fed? Say What?

Bleached, unbleached, all natural, say what?

 

Oat milk, goat milk, rice milk, soy milk? Low fat?

Homogenised and pasteurised what?

Farm laid, barn laid, cage free, grain fed? Say What?

Bleached, unbleached, all natural, say what?

At last I found the marmalade!

Does anyone else have supermarket struggles? Tell us in the comments below.

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