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Do you ever think about how to create little Valentines out of your children? What is it that will allow them to create a thriving loving relationship that enables them to go the very depths of their being and be vulnerable enough to share that with another person?

After being divorced and remarried, there was one thing that I wanted more than anything else – I wanted my children to be born into a happy marriage. A marriage where parents could communicate, problems were dealt with, love was displayed openly and comfortably and there was chemistry between the parents!  I feel so grateful to have these things with my husband today.

When my husband and I first got married, I didn’t fully comprehend how much our behaviour and actions would influence our children. I understand that now and over time I also realised that it was my relationship-based decisions that enabled my current relationships to be happy and more importantly, set my children up to experience similar happy relationships.

Your Behaviour Has A Massive Influence On Your Kids

My work as a coach has allowed me to connect with many mums so they too have a better understanding when it comes to the degree of influence a parent’s behaviour can have on their children.  I have coached countless mums who have changed their own behaviour and gone on to influence their husband or partner to adjust their behavior, which has had a remarkable effect on the children.

As an example, Kateand her husband would continuously argue about discipline until they got so frustrated with each other, one of them would walk away and the conflict would not be solved. Kate would often overhear the kids arguing with each other in a similar way. Since her coaching, Kate has learnt to lead the conversation in a different way and Kate’s husband has calmed down and is now able to rationalise the situation better. Because of this new approach, when Kate overhears the children disagreeing, she now hears a rational, more constructive approach to problem solving – remarkable!

In the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) we now know that our communication is made up of 7% words, 38% tonality and 55% physiology.

What this means is that we can tell the kids to stop shouting, or to behave themselves and they will hear the words to a certain degree (7%), however it is the tone of voice we use and what we are actually DOING that make up the other 93% of what they will “hear”.

So what has this got to do with creating little Valentines?

Well, your little ones will have an understanding about healthy happy relationships by seeing them in action. What you are doing and the way you are speaking to each other in your relationship will show them the way.

Small Things To Show ‘ I Love You’

If you really want to step things up a notch this Valentine’s Day and show the kids what a great relationship is really made of, then here are a few little suggestions.

  1. Use a sexy playful tone when saying good morning to hubby.
  2. Hold hands in the car.
  3. Sneak kisses in the kitchen when the kids aren’t looking (they usually find you!)
  4. Have a cuddle and a chat on the bed during the day (usually weekends).
  5. When kissing the kids goodnight, give the big kid (hubby) a big smooch too or as my 6 year old son calls it, “the marriage kiss”.
  6. Flirt with each other whilst preparing dinner.
  7. Send random text messages to say “I love you” and let the kids know what you’re doing.

These little things will ensure the overall relationship is working and sharing responsibilities, communicating the sweet and sours in your day and making time for each other semi-regularly will keep you on track. If these things are slightly misaligned then get yourself booked into a spa or pamper day as soon as possible.  You’ll have little Valentines running around in no time at all!

What are the little things you do in your relationship that make the biggest difference when showing your kids what happy, healthy relationships are made of?

*Name has been changed to maintain privacy.
  • Yeah, yet another fail for us. I grew up in a non touchy family, I knew they loved me, but without the hugs and kisses. Hence my kids didn’t get much more from me

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  • Our example is certainly important, but even more so pouring love in our children.

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  • I don’t do anything as my kids father has been gone for 3 years and hasn’t seen his kids since

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  • Sound advise. Most of these things come naturally and from a child’s POV they then see this as normal behaviour. However it is also good to teach them that a disagreement or a different POV is okay too. That way they also have the tools required outside of the home as they get older and deal with reality.

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  • My husband and I have always shown love to each other in front of our children. If we had a problem we would handle it behind closed doors and always in a calm manner. It was mainly because we didn’t want to upset our boys. Now our boys are happy and loving adults.

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  • We show each other love and affection. Every day when my husband leaves for work both kids and myself see him off at the door. On top of individual hugs and kisses with him, we have a family hug. Today, my youngest made valentines cookies at school. Every other child shared one with their parent. My little one gave me a hug, said happy valentines and said he was sharing his cookie with his sister. That was the BEST gift I could have asked for, the love between my children!

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  • That’s nice for you.

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  • We tell each other we love each other I don’t even know how many times a day, we cuddle all the time, always hold hands or have our arms around each other. We are just lovey all the time just about even when we argue (not that it happens often) my husband insists on holding me and cuddling me to try and keep me calm and we always say we are sorry and that we love each other when we have sorted out whatever issue it may be.

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  • We always say I love You every day and, not just to each other, but to each of our family members.

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  • I like to think that my son sees it everyday with my husband and I. After 30 years of marriage – we still hug, kiss, talk, spend a lot of time together, have similar interests but also our own. We live love every day and it’s all he knows.

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  • We’re loving and don’t argue. However I have a child with RAD who loves to manipulate annoy and be in control over all family members and shows defiance and provocative behaviour. As calmly we approach her ourselves my kids are not able to do the same. It causes clashing and fighting.

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  • yes it is so true that we teach our children how to behave and showing respect even in the hard times is important

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  • A great reminder that our kids absorb what we show them

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  • Having a cuddle, just being close and hugging our kids together. We always give each other a kids goodbye even if we are not feeling very loving

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  • we are trying all of these things at the moment

    Reply

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