A concerned step mum says her twelve-year-old stepdaughter is constantly lying and has discovered that she has a secret phone…

A concerned step mum has taken to Reddit to ask for advice about her twelve-year-old step daughter’s constant lies. The step mum said that she had always had a good relationship with her stepdaughter built on open and honest communication, but after confiscating her mobile phone recently, realised she had a second, secret phone.

Double Trouble

The step mum said that her stepdaughter is not allowed technology in her room at night but has been sneaking it in any way. “My stepdaughter has really been ramping up the lying over the last couple of months,” she wrote. “We split custody 50/50 with her mum…I mention this because it makes consistency and routines incredibly difficult.”

After her step daughter repeatedly defied the rule, the step mum said she confiscated the phone but made an unexpected discovery. “I walked into her room after she went to sleep and she was on a phone!” the step mum said. “She hid it and wouldn’t give it to me saying it was ‘nothing’.” To make the whole situation even more frustrating, the step mum said that her step daughter would be at her mum’s for a week following the incident without any consequences for her actions.

At A Loss

With concerns about the young girl’s safety, the step mum admits she has considered taking drastic action. “I considered removing her bedroom door so she wouldn’t have the privacy to hide phones,” she said. “I know this is extreme but I don’t know how to get this across to her. What would you do?”

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Comments on the post sympathised with the step mum’s situation. “What is her dad doing during all of this?” one forum user wrote. “Step out of the situation and let dad parent.” “Turn the wifi off or monitor devices on the network,” another suggested. “Don’t take the door off!”

With a greater understanding and awareness of the dangers online, we can completely understand where this step mum is coming from! While every child needs a little privacy, it can’t be at the expense of their safety.

What rules do you have about technology in your house? Tell us in the comments!

  • I think dad and mum need to have a talk and set the rules so that all the care givers are being consistent.


  • How can a child get a “secret phone”?? Where did she get it from?


  • This world is getting harder to cope with.


  • OH gosh, this article offers some good points and tips on things to look out for. Thankfully I don’t have to worry about this just yet.


  • I check my kids ipads regularly, but they know if they don’t follow the rules they lose their ipads


  • Yes, dad definitely needs to step up.
    When the step daughter would be at her mum’s for a week following the incident I would suggest dad & stepmum talk for sure with the mum to be able to be consistent.
    No technology in the bedroom makes good sense to me, but to remove a bedroom door at this age would be inappropriate and crossing lines and most likely cause only more conflict and disrespect.

    • Consistency (about any- and every thing) between ex partners when kids visit both is of course always important.

      • Indeed. When one parent says one thing, and the other something else, you are giving mixed messages and I guess your child will just follow the most permissive parent.


  • Dad definitely should speak to the daughter so they all have a mutual agreement on it


  • My son is only 2, I don’t want to have to thin about things like this for a long time!!


  • This is a big safety issue, but I’d go with turning off the Wifi before removing the door.


  • Mine are too young but I will be watching them carefully over the following years.


  • My son is 5 so its unlikely he’s hiding anything yet. I’m with the others mums saying that dad needs to step up here.


  • I don’t understand how she got the phone. Did the mother give it to her? Who pays for the bill then? She’s just 12. I find it quite difficult to believe that she has a secret phone. But taking away the bedroom door in my idea would be a very bad move.

    • Yes, one can wonder where it is coming from and who pays for it. Time to chat with the mum I would think !


  • My daughter has to ask and then she knows its time limited and if there are arguments or tantrums she can’t have any time for a week. She gets extra time if she has been good


  • It’s definitely time for dad to step up and have a good conversation with the mum. My kids struggled with the costs of one mobile that I knew of, forget being able to afford a secret phone


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