A concerned step mum says her twelve-year-old stepdaughter is constantly lying and has discovered that she has a secret phone…

A concerned step mum has taken to Reddit to ask for advice about her twelve-year-old step daughter’s constant lies.

The step mum said that she had always had a good relationship with her stepdaughter built on open and honest communication, but after confiscating her mobile phone recently, realised she had a second, secret phone.

Double Trouble

The step mum said that her stepdaughter is not allowed technology in her room at night but has been sneaking it in any way.

“My stepdaughter has really been ramping up the lying over the last couple of months,” she wrote.

“We split custody 50/50 with her mum…I mention this because it makes consistency and routines incredibly difficult.”

After her stepdaughter repeatedly defied the ‘no-tech-in-your-room’ rule, the step mum said she confiscated the phone but made an unexpected discovery.

“I walked into her room after she went to sleep and she was on a phone!” the step mum said.

“She hid it and wouldn’t give it to me saying it was ‘nothing’.”

To make the whole situation even more frustrating, the step mum said that her stepdaughter would be at her mum’s for a week following the incident without any consequences for her actions.

At A Loss

With concerns about the young girl’s safety, the step mum admits she has considered taking drastic action.

“I considered removing her bedroom door so she wouldn’t have the privacy to hide phones,” she said.

“I know this is extreme but I don’t know how to get this across to her. What would you do?”

Comments on the post sympathised with the step mum’s situation.

“What is her dad doing during all of this?” one forum user wrote.

“Step out of the situation and let dad parent.”

“Turn the wifi off or monitor devices on the network,” another suggested. “Don’t take the door off!”

With a greater understanding and awareness of the dangers online, we can completely understand where this step mum is coming from! While every child needs a little privacy, it can’t be at the expense of their safety.

What rules do you have about technology in your house? Tell us in the comments!

  • Oh how stressful! I’m anxious just thinking about it!


  • Well you need to be an adult to get a phone in your name so unless its a step kid situation like above its pretty unlikely


  • I can’t believe her real parents aren’t being “parents” and enforcing rules.
    Why does she have to be the bad guy and discipline the child?
    I honestly wouldn’t put up with it.


  • I would remove the door. And tell her the importance of trust and that she needs to earn it back. Maybe get her dad to do it though.


  • We Ade trying to set up choice and control early instead of just telling them what to do. There is a time and a place of course


  • Trust sure is a 2way street. It can be helpful to sit around the table and set up rules together with the child. When you want a child to listen, you need to listen to the child ! I don’t think we listen and respect well when we feel for removing a bedroom door….to be honest that’s way out of line in my opinion

    • Active listening is so important and it does indeed earn respect!


  • I woukd hope not that my daughter has a secret phone. I am always there for her with communicating any of her needs, wants and concerns so I completely trust her that she doesn’t have a secret phone in her bedroom. Hopefully she never does either and never feels like she has to do anything like that.


  • Removing a door takes away complete trust and privacy. Trust and privacy need to be rebuilt along with respect and honesty by all parties.


  • Wow I never checked my stepdaughters room for another phone but my husband and I used to turn the internet of at 9.30 pm and she got $10 a week for her phone. When it was gone it was gone.


  • I would get your husband to step in and deal with it. There is only so much you can do before your step daughter starts to resent you. A united front is what you need. Both partners on the same page.


  • Trust is a 2 way street. If you are setting rules in a step parent relationship then the mother and father need to also support those rules. Those tween years are extremely vulnerable and can cause major issues later.


  • Personally I wouldn’t confiscate a phone from my teens and wouldn’t even think about removing a door ! The only effect these type of controlling actions will have is an increase of defiance and more secrets !
    My husband brings his phone is our bedroom, so how could I tell my kids not to do so ?
    We all bring valuables things in our room and lock them away as my 10yr old (foster)daughter has severe kleptomania and one of the things she likes to steal is electronic devices. Not so long ago she took my phone in the night, downloaded TicToc and played till 2.30am in the morning. I don’t fear for my teens, I fear for my 10yr old.


  • I think the approach taken would only make her distrust you more and retaliate.


  • No phones in the bedroom is my one. It’s hard when the family is separated as the rules are harder to enforce.


  • My children wouldn’t have the money to get their own phone.


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