This stepmother refuses to let her husband’s 23 year old daughter move into their home.

A mum has taken to popular parenting forum Mumsnet to share her frustration after being labelled an ‘evil’ stepmother for refusing to allow her adult step-daughter to live in her home. The couple currently lives with their young son in a small city apartment purchased by the mum, and she says that her step-daughter moving in for an extended period of time would be an imposition.

All Part Of The Plan

The mum said she had always had a reasonably good relationship with her step-daughter until she received an unexpected message.

“I got a message from her saying that she wants to move in with us for three months until she could find a job in the city that pays her well enough so she could move out,” the woman wrote.

“She then added another message saying that ‘Dad agreed…this is our plan.'”

It was when the mum decided to question her step-daughter about what would happen if she didn’t find a job in that period that things started to get nasty.

“I gave her a splendid NO for the first time in my life,” the mum says.

Family Tension

The stepmother admits that her decision to refuse her step-daughter’s request had creating tension within the family.

“My husband was furious at me and he also got a nasty email from his ex wife…later I got a text from her saying that I don’t treat my step-daughter as part of the family.”

Commenters on the post were quick to criticise the mum for her treatment of her step-daughter.

“You sound like a horrible person,” one wrote. “How would you feel if your son was in your step-daughter’s position in the future?”

“It’s his daughter, you’ve put him in a position where he has to choose,” said another. “You have to live with the consequences.”

We think step-parents are often faced with really difficult situations, especially when it comes to their step-children, but we feel this mum could have been a little kinder and given her step-daughter the benefit of the doubt.

Do you think this stepmother was wrong to refuse her step-daughter’s request? Let us know in the comments.

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  • Family is hard and it sounds like this cramped environment isn’t going to be conducive for a long term stay for a 20 year old… sounds like good motivation for everyone to support her in finding a job!
    But the commitment to her father is a commitment to his children and it’s their apartment not hers regardless of who paid.


  • Firstly I would be very angry at my husband for making such a decission without talking to me first. How dare someone do that.
    As far as the step daughter is concerned…. She would need a plan on what she was going to do if she was unable to find a job in the 3mth period. I would want a written agreement that would state an end date and what she would have to do to be able to live there for that time. If she was unable to make a small payment to help out …such as $25 per week then she would be required to do set household chores and perhaps cook dinner at least twice a week.
    This is what I would expect from my bio children also.
    I dont feel thats harsh….. The World doesnt care and our job as parents is to teach our child to cope in the big wide world.


  • I’m telling you now. Almost every single person calling this women nasty is not a step parent themselves. You have literally got no idea how hard it is being a step mother in a blended family with a step daughter. Everything is always your fault. You cop it from the husband, the mother and the child.


  • I think she should have gave her a chance before just saying no if I had step children I’d treat them as I would my own and I’d never say no to my own


  • Sounds all very tricky to navigate. Families are complicated.


  • I get it,


  • I can see how very difficult it could be, but perhaps letting her stay for a clearly agreed three months would have been appropriate.


  • I think there might be some underlying jealousy here but I agree, she needs to think how she would feel if it was her son. The husband should have really talked to her about it first before the daughter ever approached her too


  • Family matters are always delicate


  • Very hard to say who is at fault in this case. I can see both sides of this question.


  • At 23 she is an adult, but perhaps they could compromise and help with some financial support until she is on her own feet again. This is definitely not a black and white issue.


  • Really hard to comment on this one without all the facts – a 23 year old is not always an easy room mate if you have other children, particularly in a small apartment.


  • Always two sides to a story isn’t there


  • I think she should have let her live with them for 3 months what’s the big deal


  • For 3 months you could live with it but it could up being permanent and she is an adult


  • I also think there is more to the story. Family is family, and most of us fall on hard times at one time or another and would welcome our doors to a family member or friend in need. But there are too many loose ends. Why three months? How small is the apartment? What was the relationship like? It could really put a strain on a relationship if the daughter was sleeping on the lounge for example, and not paying any bills. If there was spare room and she was contributing, there’s a difference. The stepmother does seem to have a mean attitude and why didn’t the daughter go to the Dad – or better, both of them – first? Bit of poetic justice going on here I think. It could have been handled better by both parties.


  • Looks like there is more to the story… Step mom has her own reasons which may or may not justify her.. Daughter is 23, making their own plans.. Don’t.. Looks like some part of the story is missing


  • The issue only seemed to start when the daughter was questioned as to what happens if she hasn’t found a job in those three months. I’m guessing maybe there was no back up plan and it was possible the stay could be longer then just three months. It’s the step mums home too, she has a right to voice her opinion


  • There is always two sides to a story and both should be heard before a decision. It is sad however that she refused her, I mean if it was her own daughter would she still refuse?


  • No doubt there is more to this story.


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