This stepmother refuses to let her husband’s 23 year old daughter move into their home.

A mum has taken to popular parenting forum Mumsnet to share her frustration after being labelled an ‘evil’ stepmother for refusing to allow her adult step-daughter to live in her home. The couple currently lives with their young son in a small city apartment purchased by the mum, and she says that her step-daughter moving in for an extended period of time would be an imposition.

All Part Of The Plan

The mum said she had always had a reasonably good relationship with her step-daughter until she received an unexpected message. “I got a message from her saying that she wants to move in with us for three months until she could find a job in the city that pays her well enough so she could move out,” the woman wrote. “She then added another message saying that ‘Dad agreed…this is our plan.'” It was when the mum decided to question her step-daughter about what would happen if she didn’t find a job in that period that things started to get nasty. “I have her a splendid NO for the first time in my life,” the mum says.

Family Tension

The mum admits that her decision to refuse her step-daughter’s request had creating tension within the family. “My husband was furious at me and he also got a nasty email from his ex wife…later I got a text from her saying that I don’t treat my step-daughter as part of the family.” Commenters on the post were quick to criticise the mum for her treatment of her step-daughter. “You sound like a horrible person,” one wrote. “How would you feel if your son was in your step-daughter’s position in the future?” “It’s his daughter, you’ve put him in a position where he has to choose,” said another. “You have to live with the consequences.”

We think step-parents are often faced with really difficult situations, especially when it comes to their step-children, but we feel this mum could have been a little kinder and given her step-daughter the benefit of the doubt.

Do you think this mum was wrong to refuse her step-daughter’s request? Let us know in the comments.

  • It would cause some friction but she is 23, not 15.

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  • There are a lot of logistics in play opening your home to others. Who cooks/ cleans/ pays bills/ has private time/ supervises children/ doninates the TV remote/ entertains friends without imposing. Even best intentions affects family dynamics in unexpected ways, some good and some bad. There needs to be open communication and ground rules.

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  • It sounds like maybe it was not a great relationship before this incident…

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  • Yes it was wrong if after the three months she could have made her leave how is a 23yr old an imposition?

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  • it should have been discussed with the stepmum before it was decided, its hard being a stepparent, when people don’t like something you say or do, its an easy thing to throw in their face. Also as somebody else pointed out, this is an adult stepchild, not a child. Would this be like having an extra child, or an adult roommate? Is she likely to be respective of the fact that there is a small child in the house?

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  • I had a similar situation years ago. My husband’s adult niece moved into our tiny 2 bedroom unit & it really put pressure on our relationship, his family were a pain in the neck & had pressured me into agreeing with it. You never have any private time with an extra person in your home, how many times did any of you wander into the kitchen for a drink in the middle of the night naked? Well that has to stop once you have an extra person in the home.
    After 6 months of his niece living with us I gave the ultimatum where she had to go or I would leave. I don’t blame this lady not wanting an adult to move in even if it is his daughter & as for the old wives tale that when you marry a person you also marry their family you should have control over who lives in yr home & anything else that involves you. Family members often put strain on relationship by demanding that you conform to their wishes, I used to allow it but the last time I did I ended up being pushed into marrying the wrong person. Don’t allow anyone to push you around at home whether it be family or someone else, I have seen so many relationships fail because trying to get 2 different families to live harmoniously can be problematic.

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  • She should have had the discussion with her husband and then sorted it out.

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  • But she is his daughter, why can’t he make a decision. When you marry a man, you marry the family.

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  • I think this entire situation could have been handled better. Firstly, the stepdaughter went directly to her Dad. It should have been a family discussoin as it did effect the entire family. The Mum of the stepdaughter should not get involved – unless she wants to take her adult daughter in, she should butt out. There may be so much more going on than we realise… but again, a family decision to be made.

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  • What I don’t like at this article is that the title names the steph mother as evil : it takes already a stand by naming her as such and is actual rather judgemental.

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  • The step-daughter is old enough to fend for herself but I wonder, if it were her daughter, would she have allowed her to move in.

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  • Sorry – the step-daughter is 23 and old enough to plan her future – she obviously had a job and was living elsewhere so why didn’t she plan better. Once I left home, I didn’t go back, and I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking to do so.

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  • Only thing I’ve got to say is if it were her daughter not her husbands, would she make the room for her or have asked the same questions.

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  • To be fair, if it is a small apartment and not much room – it is an imposition if it is a long time. Without knowing the details, what happened if the girl didn’t get a job. I think it would be different if she had a job lined up and was just saving for 3 months to then move out.

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  • She needed to be a bit more diplomatic- fully understand that she wants to know what would happen in 3 months and it didn’t turn into 3 years but there is a way of doing it and any tension she now has in her marriage she has herself to blame – I predict a divorce in 12-24 months

    Reply

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