A first-time Mum has opened up about her mother’s refusal to meet her grandson because the gran wasn’t present when he was born.

Posting on popular parenting forum Mumsnet, a first-time mum has revealed that her own mother is refusing to meet her baby because she was not allowed in the delivery room. “Mum hates me because she wasn’t at the birth,” she wrote. We all know childbirth can be a stressful experience, so choosing who to have in the room to support you is one thing we don’t want to be worrying about!

Depriving Her Of The Experience

Telling her side of the story, the mum wrote on Mumsnet, “So I had my little boy in August. In the run-up my mum kept demanding she was at the birth because “I won’t cope” and I need her there (I’m 24 and married). I tried to tell her politely that if I need her I’ll send my husband to pick her up straight away and that I’d be fine.”

Sounds reasonable to us, but shortly after her son’s birth, the mum says she was bombarded with angry messages and that her mother is now refusing to see her grandchild.

Should I Feel Guilty?

Whilst most of the comments have been supportive of the mum’s decision, some women said they can understand where the grandmother is coming from. “I kind of feel sorry for your Mum,” one wrote. “No disrespect to you but she sounds so disappointed and upset. I can’t blame her to be honest, receiving a text after her grandchild was born is so impersonal.”

So should this Mum feel guilty or do you have the right to control who is present when you give birth? It’s a tough one, but we feel sorry for both of them that they are missing out on what should be a happy time for the whole family.

Do grandparents have a right to be present at the birth of their grandchildren? Let us know in the comments. 

  • This wouldn’t have been as issue in 2020 haha think covid has changed alot of things


  • Thank heavens when I had my babies no one was allowed in the birthing room, not even my husband who would have probably needed more help than I did. None of my children’s grandparents even expressed a desire to be there and I had no desire to be at my grandchildren’s birth either.
    Surely birthing is about the mum and the child FIRST and FOREMOST – everyone else should take a back seat. And if this grandmother wants to be so upset, then let her stay out of the child’s life. After all, who knows what she may say to the child when mum/dad isn’t around?


  • How sad the grandmother thinks its all about her.


  • If I won’t be allowed at the birth of my grandchild I certainly will be there as soon as possible afterwards. I had my mum there with my first and she said if I was making too much noise she wasn’t going to come in. Lucky for her I has an epidural.


  • Very sad that the grandparents want to shift the focus away from the newborn and the new parents to make a fuss about nothing at such a special time for the family.


  • The grandparent here sounds like a piece of work. I’d have hated to have my mum at the births of my children and while she would have loved to be there she respected my decision. Let her have her little sulk in the end she is the one who is missing out and leaving the toxicity away from your new baby


  • The grandma here sounds more than a bit narcissistic. Way to make it all about herself!


  • I believe it is up to the parents not grandparents.i have grandkids and great grandkids who I love to pieces and as long as they are born healthy it wouldn’t bother me.


  • My mom was there for my first- I preferred it. However, my sister didn’t, and that is just as fine as my choice. The person pushing out the kid gets to make the choice. All other options don’t matter. Including mine.


  • I think personally (for someone about to be a first time mum) that it is entirely your choice. I know my mum is disappointed that she can’t be present at the birth (COVID) however she understands that it is something to be shared between myself and my partner and that she will be the first to know if anything were to happen. I think your mum will calm down and see reason soon enough but do not feel guilty, you are a grown woman and mum now.


  • No I don’t like the idea of grandparents present at the birth of their grand children.


  • The grandmother’s being a bit silly- what’s done is done. However, the daughter really should have discussed the matter with her long before the birth and explained who she wanted to have with her and that it wasn’t going to be her mother. Might have made the blow less painful. Or perhaps she could have let the grandmother know that she was in labour and if she wanted to wait in the waiting room at the hospital she could, but not the delivery room.


  • To be honest, if grandma is going to behave like this over not being in control of the birth, what else is she going to tantrum over.

    It sounds like it would be better to let her stay in the time out she’s put herself in until she properly addresses her behaviour.


  • Good luck! How rude and disrespectful to expect to be at the birth. And her reasons are downright manipulative. Good time to cut the cord!!


  • I get where she may had this vision in her head about being there and it might Be difficult to shift that vision, but surely not worth not seeing hour grandson if being at the birth was so important to her. I don’t know her side o who knows


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