If you’re trying for a baby with limited success, finding out about your friend’s pregnancy can be devastating…

There is no news more exciting than finding out you’re pregnant, but an increasing number of women are hesitant about sharing this incredible experience for fear of hurting their friends who are also trying to conceive.

British television presenter Saira Khan has shared her experience, recounting how her fertility struggle made her friend’s pregnancy announcements increasingly hard to bear.

Conflicting Emotions

Saira said that things didn’t go to plan when she and her partner Steve decided to try for a family.

“I was 34 when we started trying to get pregnant,” Saira said. “It just wasn’t happening…it got to the stage where I saw babies everywhere because it was the one thing I wanted. I couldn’t be happy for people.”

Saira said family occasions presented a particular challenge when it came to suppressing her disappointment about her struggle to get pregnant.

“I couldn’t go to my family’s house and be around all the children,” she told panellists on UK show Loose Women.

“For them, they had the perfect family and we didn’t, and it was so hard.” Saira said that she began to avoid friends and family members who had children, and despite trying to remain positive and upbeat, she would be devastated when told of their pregnancies and newborn arrivals.

A Two Way Street

Fellow panellists Colleen Nolan and Jane Moore pointed out that the situation can also be a challenge for expectant mums.

“It was hard for me every scan…I felt awkward,” Colleen said of being pregnant with her daughter at the same time that her sister miscarried.

“But she told me she was delighted for me, that she wanted her own baby and didn’t resent me.”

Often in the excitement of a pregnancy announcement, issues such as a friend or family member’s infertility can be unintentionally overlooked.

If you’re struggling to be a part of the celebrations due to challenges conceiving, be open with the mum-to-be about how you’re feeling – she’ll appreciate your honesty and no doubt understand completely if you’re not up to sitting through a gender reveal party or baby shower right now.

Has your friend’s pregnancy ever caused you pain? Share your story in the comments.

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  • I have felt this.. it’s a horrible thing to feel, to not be able to feel happy for someone who is having the one thing you want and it just wouldn’t happen..

    My best friend at the time didn’t want to tell me she was pregnant because she knew how badly I wanted it. She knew I would be happy for her but it would hurt me. But I was thrilled for her and everyone else who do get to experience being pregnant and becoming mama’s


  • No – and I hope mine never caused anyone else pain either. Having had two miscarriages late in pregnancy, I know how those people feel, but I tried not to be ‘over-the-top’ and tried not to talk about them. Still had four wonderful children, but you always miss those who did not survive.
    Thanks for the post.


  • No thankfully I have been able to share their joy and excitement


  • It’s such a hard one. Going through a miscarriage I understand the pain but I also have been blessed with 2 healthy babies. My friend had been told she may not be able to have children and that hurts but she is so involved with mine I only hope she can get some joy from them.


  • Oh yess, but it was a Sister in law’s pregnancy. I had just had my second miscarriage in a row with the last one being at 18 weeks. She announced she was pregnant-with twins, it was like a dagger in my heart. She already had 4 kids and I felt so cheated. To make matters worse her twins were born on my babies due date-I was heart broken but had to pretend to be happy.


  • Yes, definitely. We had just found out we would NEVER have children on the same day our Goddaughter was born. It was so hard and so bittersweet. We then endured 4 years of trying to get pregnant before our last IVF embryo worked. We had so many friends and family getting pregnant and having kids and it was so painful every time. Some days I just couldn’t deal — I couldn’t visit, or attend a baptism when I’d just had an unsuccessful embryo transfer. It was such a painful rollercoaster of emotions.


  • I relate to this so much. I struggled for years with infertility, miscarries and 5 years of unsuccessful IVF. It’s incredibly painful to have family and friends or even strangers falling pregnant. Especially when they get pregnant ‘first go’ or ‘without trying’ .
    The loss of a baby impacts you more than words can say. Spending close to $80,000 on ivf left me financially ruined. That dream of having a family isn’t easy for all of us.

    At the same time feel incredibly guilty as naturally are happy for others, but the pain it brings up is awful when you’ve struggled so much to have a child.


  • I never got this problem.


  • I was the same after suffering through numerous miscarriages. I dreaded hearing of someone else falling pregnant or seeing babies everywhere.


  • Bless all who have had painful experiences !


  • A very informative article with different view point that’s do ensure. Thanks for sharing . No pain here thankfully


  • Yes absolutely! So much pain but it is ok.


  • I can’t say I have ever felt like this, and I would hope that my pregnancies never caused my friends pain – even my close friends who don’t have kids yet…Its such a fragile thing…


  • I sometimes feel a little hurt seeing my friends become pregnant but I never express these feelings to them. They deserve support and congratulations as my time will come one day and I hope they and others would be helpful and supportive to me.


  • I was very lucky to have never had this problem.


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