It’s Week 4 in my quest to become a less anxious and more relaxed mum, and I’m at a troubling junction with no idea where to turn next.
If you’ve been following this journey of mine from the start, you’ll know that I’ve been learning some Mindfulness techniques that have already enabled me to feel calmer and more focussed.
Mindfulness is teaching my mind how to ignore some of the negative and meaningless chatter in my head and enjoy the present moment instead of always worrying about the future.
But, I just can’t shake this feeling that it’s a little flawed; that it’s actually not the complete solution I was hoping it would be.
What is becoming increasingly clear is that focusing on myself, and adopting self-help remedies in the hope that I’ll find peace, can only be one piece of the puzzle. It can only be one piece of the puzzle for all of us.
Because the place in which we find ourselves, and the people that surround us, and the circumstances in which we’re living in, DO matter and DO affect us.
From what I can tell, no amount of soul searching or self improvement will change the fact that tragedy can strike at any time, that negative people can poison our thoughts or that we’re sometimes living in a world that’s too busy to be beautiful.
So here I am, feeling a little lost.
I’m lost in a world where terrible things happen to good people. A world where planes fall from the sky without explanation.
A world where a mum, with a life similar to mine in so many ways, has had to deal with her future evaporating into dust and is no longer here to love her little family. A world where a dad is losing his battle to spend more time with his beautiful wife and their baby daughter. A world where cancer, car accidents, murderers, starvation, earthquakes and war is killing us.
During these times of disillusion in the past week or so, I came across this beautiful poem. It’s about savouring the times we have before the last time.
It has helped ground me somewhat, and remind me that I need to savour every moment I live, just in case.
It’s just hard sometimes to feel peaceful and calm and blessed (and not guilty) with all that I have, when so many have nothing and so many are facing indescribable challenges.
It’s hard to appreciate the life we live, when the world in which we live in so often disappoints with its cruelty.
I’m still continuing with the Mindfulness meditations, but am now also focusing on healthy eating, no alcohol and earlier bedtimes.
I’m trying to include as many elements of healthy living into my day, as I feel I need all the help I can get to mentally manoeuvre through this roadblock and start seeing the positives in an often negative world.
I obviously still have a lot to learn.
Tell me, do you have an experience you can share or any advice that will help me or other mums that feel the same way I do?