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Can you pay the dowry for your husband after the marriage, or does it always have to happen before the marital paperwork is finalised?

I wasn’t in a financial position to pay the required dowry when my hubby and I got hitched. Heavens, I didn’t even have enough to buy a bouquet of flowers for our wedding day and when my hubby found out that I didn’t have one, the first thing he did was rush to the closest florist to have one made up on the day – such a sweetheart of a man!

It’s moments like those which make me wish I had been able to pay his parents for him. Realistically he’s worth far more than their asking price anyway. Perhaps not as priceless as my own children – but I’d say he’s right up there in value hehehe!

On a serious note though, how does one come up with a dollar figure for their child? I know that a dowry isn’t uncommon. But who’s in charge of deciphering what someone’s life is truly worth?

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How Do You Calculate A Child’s Worth?

Does it go by appearance? Education? What status a family holds in the community? Or is it just an amount that parents make up along the way depending on what their hearts believe is an appropriate revenue in exchange for the life of their child?

If you have more children does the appraisal per life drop? Is an only child more valuable than one with siblings? Or is the figure equal across all children? Because realistically parents could live quite comfortably in their old age by selling their children off to be married – why does that hurt my heart to type, yet for many cultures it’s the norm…

It Could Br Quite Lucrative

I couldn’t do it. Personally I could not put a financial value against any of my children’s lives. As lucrative as it would be gathering property or money from my son’s wives.

That’s the other thing that bothers me. Why is it that a dowry can only be collected for the marriage of my son’s? Why isn’t my daughter’s worth anything according to this culture? I find that just as disturbing as the idea of a dowry itself!

I vividly recall my father-in-law telling me that young men today aren’t so stupid as to not take the dowry owed to them. It made me feel really sick and even guilty for not having paid for my hubby and now it has made me question this payment in an entirely different way.

What EXACTLY Does A Dowry Entitle The Wife To?

What precisely does paying a dowry entitle the wife to? If I had purchased my husband, would that have meant that I then own him? Would it mean that my in-laws would not harass me and perhaps they might even treat me with the same respect that they do their other daughter-in-law?

Heck, my in-laws do absolutely everything for that family, with zero undermining. And unlike my hubby who is on call for their every need 24/7- his brother is not. My in-laws expend all their energy and love on their other son’s family, and my hubby expands all his energy on his parents. One simple payment bought them love, respect and all the child minding services their heart’s desire – who says money can’t buy happiness!

Pay-Off!

Did paying for her husband entitle my sister-in-law to a life where her marriage is just between herself and her hubby – whereas mine is somehow a four way deal where my in-laws believe they are part of our marriage?

Can I Pay It Now?

If this is the case, can I just pay the bounty now – or is it too late? Because I am willing to sell everything I own to pay for this man, with interest, if it means I can move forward as a married couple opposed to a married quartet.

Couldn’t someone have specified what this payment would have entitled me to prior to marriage so that I could have taken out a personal loan and spent the last decade of our lives in complete marital bliss!

As with any sale, there should be paperwork with fine print which goes through all the rules and regulations. Similar to the pedigree papers that we got when we bought our puppy.

Nonsense!

It’s a load of nonsense in my opinion if you aren’t going to disclose the finer details of this sale and remain clung on tightly to your son long after he’s started a family.

I wonder if my hubby’s dowry has dropped in value any over the years… especially since he isn’t even a virgin anymore…

Hey, How About A Discount?

With this in mind, should I have had to pay anything to his parents to begin with considering he was no longer a virgin when we were married? He handed that over to me well prior to that… realistically, with all things considered, shouldn’t I be entitled to some kind of discount at the very least?

Surely his lack of virginity must render the dowry null and void. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that I did my in-laws a favour by accepting their ‘used goods’ per se… even if I were the one who used his goods to begin with… hopefully it doesn’t make his worth increase- like some sort of ‘sampling payment’ plus the dowry on top!

Either way, I would be willing to buy this man at whatever the cost if it means I will be given some peace from my in-laws, that alone would be priceless.

Would you consider paying a dowry for your husband? Tell us in the comments below.

  • I’m glad I didn’t need a dowry to buy my late husband. I would never have been able to afford him. He was truly priceless and also a prince among men.

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  • This is one of the strangest articles I have read on here. I wouldn’t pay a dowry. It’s a very dated concept in our culture.

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  • What an old-fashioned term. I haven’t heard of it in years and don’t see it as part of our modern-day culture.

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  • Time has change.

    Reply

  • Thank God we don’t live in those times or culture !

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  • I don’t think I would have been able to afford my husband if I had to pay.

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  • Is the dowry refundable with interest (for the years of marriage) if there is a a divorce? And at what percentage would the interest be calculated? Would the calculation be different based on the number of children of the marriage? And would there have been a need for the wife to work, given that the dowry was paid (as in the past) on the basis that the wife stayed home with children and the husband provided for the family? And “provided” included everything – housing, food, clothing, education, mode of transport. My how things have changed! ;)

    Reply

  • Thank heavens that in our democracy we don’t have to pay a dowry for either partner. There is no way I could afford what my husband is really worth – and he loves me to bits anyway.
    So pleased that dowries are not the be all and end all in this country.

    Reply

  • Such a tough call – respecting the heritage of the family, do you think paying it now would really change anything? I don’t think it would

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  • I really don’t see the point of paying for your husband. When you marry, you marry into each other’s family so you’ll be paying in various ways.

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  • I am shocked by all the commenters saying they are “so glad this isn’t a thing anymore” etc…
    Umm yes , yes it most definitely is in MANY MANY parts of the world that we live in! And YES it DOES still happen within some cultures in AUSTRALIA!
    I have can’t think of a culture which has the bride pay the grooms family for “ownership” of said groom, as the writer of this article is talking about though…
    But cultures where the brides family had to give the groom money/goods/etc as payment for marriage and also where the groom had to pay the brides family still occur.
    A couple I know the husband is from a western country and his wife is from an Asian nation (deliberately not naming their countries here) and he had to pay her parents to marry her. A friend of his who also was in the same situation told him to think of it as “paying for her freedom” rather than “buying” her!

    Reply

  • My husband is worth his weight in gold. Lucky I didn’t have to find a dowry.

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  • Such an old fashioned ritual. I’m glad we all have more sense now.

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  • I can sort of understand this for way back when, but not any more ….

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  • I don’t think that women should pay for the dowry no matter how precious their husbands are because women are the one who move in with the husband leaving everything behind and most of the time they compromise more than men to stay in the marriage, it is not the money which can let her own her husband, he is one of those obedient kids who just can’t say No to their parents for anything so this is his nature and it’s not a bad thing to take care of his parents.

    Reply

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