An expecting mum says her husband’s expectation that she become a stay at home mum has caused a rift between them, just weeks before their baby is due.

The couple, in their late 20s, are expecting their first baby, after being together for four years.

“I work as a teacher’s aide and I make around 34k a year and he works as a financial analyst and makes around 88k a year before his bonus. His job has healthcare benefits and covers us both,” she explained.

“He told me recently that I should quit my job after I have our kid and not go back to work after I recover from child birth. He said that there’s no rational reason to go back when he makes twice as much and in the long run will make three times as much as I will. That maintaining the home and taking care of our kid is worth more overall.”

But the mum-to-be says that’s not how she sees her future.

“I don’t really want to do this because I like my job, so I told him that I could balance the childcare and my job and that he can just help out with the household chores and stuff. He doesn’t really get my point though cause like he then says that the extra money won’t really make a difference in our living standards.

“I try to explain that its safer having two jobs and that I want to work. He’s all like, ‘Well you can do hobbies and stuff … you don’t need to work’.

“I tell him that I don’t want to be someone who just stays at home all day rotting and he gets offended. He says his mum lives the same way and is very happy and that many people in the world would kill for a chance to just not work and live freely, that I am being ungrateful for a good opportunity.”

The couple have continually argued about their plans after the birth of their baby, and recently it all came to a head.

“He adds that my job isn’t a career, it’s just ‘a job’ that will never pay a living wage and the wage will never meaningfully increase. Rationally I know he’s right but I got pissed off and told him, ‘Well your job is just typing away at a keyboard and moving numbers around on Excel, some sort of computer program will do your job anyway in a few years, my job will never be replaced,’ and he’s like, ‘That’s not how it works, but you wouldn’t get it’.

“Now was I being the a**hole here or was he?”

What do you think? Share your opinions in the comments below. 

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  • It seems to me neither of you are looking at the other person’s point of view. If I could have stayed at home with my little ones for longer, I would have done so. Unfortunately, we just couldn’t afford for me to stay at home. However, I will never get back missing my child’s first steps and many other firsts, that I missed out on, and can never get them back. I did manage all these things with my last child, though, and felt I was a rookie mum because of missing out previously. Once your child is at school you can return to work or may be a bit earlier if things don’t quite work out mentally stimulating enough for you and you can still have your career then. Think things through carefully as what you lose will be a loss to you forever.


  • Stay at home mums are great people and not wasted you have a husband earning 88k these days that’s not high and you be sure when the kids are growing up you tell them preferred to go to work rather than look after them


  • I think there are a few SAHM’s being offended by this post. I could never be a stay at home mum, I love my kids but it isn’t the job for me. I enjoy working and having the mental break away from them, they love kindy and learning new things with friends. I don’t think anyone should expect a mum to fall in to that role or the other. Also it’s not always returning to work for money, sometimes it is social, mental stimulation, aldult contact or feeling like you are contributing to something else. I think the husband should step back and see it from herside.


  • If she wants to work then she should take maternity leave and then go back to work when she’s ready. Not all women want to stay at home all day. The only one being an a**hole is him. I hope they can get everything settled before their child is born


  • I think the child should have their mum with them at least til they are 2. Of course if the family can afford to have mum not work that is. I think its so beneficial for the child to have mums love and care when they are so small.


  • She should work if she wants to work and it is not more of a financial burden to have the child in daycare.


  • How about you see how your birth and early weeks are before making big plans. A baby isn’t always an easy transition. And you have big child care fees to consider too. Just remember that no one can get back their baby’s early years…or replace you.


  • I loved it for the time I got to but it is definitely not for everyone. She’ll just have to talk to him calmly and gradually get the point across. She is going back to work.


  • I was a stay at home mum and loved it. This couple need to find a compromise.


  • Ooh, ouch! Being a stay at home Mum does not mean you’re rotting your life away. It’s sad to think that. Raising a child is the most important job in the world. But, I do understand how you feel. However, I think you need to take time after you’ve had the baby. Your life changes dramatically and it’s different for everyone. I remember thinking I’d go back to work after 3 months because I would be bored. But… it didn’t turn out that way because, um, life with a baby! You need a calm conversation about this, perhaps a little while after the baby is born. Hubby needs to listen to you and not dismiss what you want. You need to take the time post-birth to see how you feel. It’s definitely a valued job you do and one you can go back to.


  • Had your husband demanded you returned to work – that could have been offensive too. I would love for a husband that can support me and give me the choice whether to stay home or not and not worry financially. End of the day, it isnt forever, your child will be in school full time in a few years anyway which frees up time for work. I’d be so grateful to be in that position


  • I love being a stay at home mum. Best ‚job’ in the world.


  • I feel like you both need to have a calm conversation about this and listen to each other.


  • I think you both need to sit down and calmly discuss this. He isn’t being fair by saying your job isn’t worth it. I have been there with my ex husband saying that my job wasn’t worth it, he earned more than me etc. It felt very degrading.
    If you feel that you need to work even if it’s a few days a week then do it, for your own well being.
    Being a stay at home mum full time can be isolating, but at the same time, it can be rewarding to see your child grow, treasure any time you get with your children when they are little, they grow up so quickly.


  • While I’ve absolutely loved being a stay at home mum and certainly don’t feel ive been rotting, I realise it’s not for everyone. You’re definitely not an a$#hole and your feelings are completely valid. You may feel differently once the baby is born but if not then of course you should be able to go back to work if thats what you choose to do.


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