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A mum-of-two says she made it clear to her husband that she wanted 15 days of rest following the birth of their second baby, but says he’s now admitted he can’t look after both children on his own.

The 26-year-old mum had a ‘beautiful’ planned home birth a few days ago, and had previously told her husband she wanted to follow the 5-5-5 Postpartum Rule. This after-birth guideline is all about rest and recovery for new mums, and involves five days in bed, five days on bed and five days around bed.

She said while her husband wasn’t exactly enthusiastic, he was willing to do it.

“He seemed to drag his feet, but because he wanted kids more than I did, he agreed,” she explained.

She’s also detailed what she pictured the 5-5-5 postpartum period looking like for her family, which includes their five-year-old son and newborn daughter.

“First five days ‘In bed’. Nothing but skin to skin with my daughter, breastfeeding, and resting. Next five days ‘on bed’. Sitting up, still breastfeeding, cuddling with baby, doing homework with my son, crossword puzzles etc. Next five after that ‘around bed’. Still majority resting but doing light chores, folding laundry, nappy changing, just not standing for more than 30 minutes. All while still, cuddling with baby, breastfeeding baby, doing homework with my son and colouring.”

She says her newborn daughter hasn’t been the easiest to settle, but her husband should be able to cope.

“This baby is very colicky and my husband is the one having to get out of bed, walk around with her and sit in the rocking chair, do nappies and take her and our son on walks to get some sunshine.”

“Our son has started acting out at home due to the stress of the new baby and lack of sleep, we’ve offered him going to my parents next door and he seems interested.

“We’ve prepared a months worth of freezer meals so for dinner all he has to do is throw the DISPOSABLE tin in the oven and walk away for a few hours. We have a dog my husband needs to feed and take out on walks with the kids.

“Today he came to me crying saying it was all too much and he couldn’t do this by himself. I reminded him that he agreed to it and I have to go back to work shortly after the 5-5-5 is up, so I need to be as rested and healed as possible so I can better preform tasks at work then come home and perform tasks as well.

“He begged me to help out with our son who will not sit still and help with light cleaning (wiping countertops, gathering clutter into a pile, etc.) I again said no, I am entitled to rest and I will help around the house in eight days.”

Now this mum wants to know if she’s in the wrong for refusing to take care of her children. Share your opinion in the comments below. 

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  • gosh I wish I had heard of this sooner, may have reduced my chances of prolapse

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  • If you’re following the 5-5-5 rule (which I’ve never heard of) then why are you expecting your husband to look after your newborn as well? Isn’t that what this rule says, that the baby is with you at all times? Maybe you should look into getting a nanny

    Reply

  • not heard of this one. Would have thought a team effort might be effective and also a way to spend time together.

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  • Sounds ideal but perhaps not realistic, especially with another child in the mix. Maybe if they had additional help from inlaws?

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  • I’d not heard of this before – as a mother of a newborn I would’ve loved the chance to lounge around and ease into things, and perhaps it would’ve been possible with the first child. But when it comes to the 2nd or more, then you still have another child that needs looking after.

    I can’t help but wonder if the son is playing up because he’s feeling left out – mum isn’t wanting to do anything with him and is only focussing on the baby.

    I think mum might need a compromise – maybe taking 3 days of each of the first 3 weeks to do as she had planned, and keeping 3 days for her son, and 1 day each week for herself.

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  • Dad sounds like he could make more effort, but I also think this kind of thing really only works well with first baby.

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  • I’ve never heard of the 5 5 5. It sounds nice but I don’t think it’s something I could do

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  • I have never had that pleasure….and my husband does a lot around the house! He would make sure i wasn’t the one lifting the older children, he would do the cooking, ECT, i was free to go, walk and sit and take care of bub, but we still did our daily routine together with the older ones, bathing, teeth, bed, helping with eating. We just worked the newborn into it and the rule for nothing heavier…..bed rest and i would be sure to get bed sores!

    Reply

  • I’d be so bored staying in bed for five days after giving birth. I suppose if that is what she wants, then great. However, it does seem a little unfair that the husband is doing everything though.


    • Sounds all beautiful if that is what you want together (that is both husband and wife) but has to be realistic too. You’re a team together ☺️

    Reply

  • Women should be able to do whatever makes them feel most comfortable postpartum with the support of their partner.

    Personally I would feel almost guilty in a way staying in bed and not hanging around my other children after having a new baby.

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  • 5 days in completely bed? That seems a bit much to me. Sure rest up but be free and listen to your body don’t follow any ‘cult’ like way of doing anything. See what works for you. You can still rest without being in bed the whole day. It doesn’t sound healthy to me being in bed 5 days straight. You will lose strength in your muscles not using them, you also need vitamin d from the sun. Also the dad is saying he is struggling looking after both kids but you said you wanted skin to skin the whole time with the baby so.. somethings not adding up to me. Do what’s right for your family, that’s more important than following any parenting trend.

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  • To each their own. However I think being up and about would be better. It’s a joint effort looking after kids. Not just one parent.

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  • Never heard of that rule, but at a mother of 3 I know you need rest but the other children need your attention as well. Moving the body after a baby is good for you. Walking is fantastic. I get you need rest but the 5 5 5 seems a little excessive. 5 days in bed should be enough then light activities. Good luck I hope you work things out

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  • Asking social media whether you are in the right is the core of the problem? Marriage is always a constant negotiation of the circumstances husband and wife face. Asking strangers, who will clearly take the side of mum (it is mouthsofmums after all) will get you the answer you want to hear but won’t be healthy at all for your marriage or your ongoing mental health.

    Reply

  • Times are changing for sure. Never heard of that rule before, and honestly all I can say is wt ????

    Reply

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