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We all hope that birthing partners are going to step up and be the person we need during labour, but what happens when one dad does the opposite and ends up a crying mess?

The delivery room is like an alternate Universe, where we never really know how people will behave, or what will unfold during the labour. Will we scream really loud? Will we do a number two during the pushing stages? Will our partner actually be supportive?

One 27-year-old new mum found out the hard way, “My husband Kevin and I welcomed our first baby a week ago. Kevin is the type of person that gets stressed out easily and react to events negatively. We’ve had conversations about his ability to handle being the delivery room.”

This wife shared on reddit that she had pre-empted his inability to be supportive and calm during the birth, and discussed switching him out for another birth partner, “I said if he couldn’t be there it was fine seeing how he reacts under pressure and can have mom there instead. He said he could 100% handle anything and promised to be supportive and positive.”

So, Kevin was in.

THINGS DIDN’T GO AS PLANNED

“I went into labor alone, he met me at the hospital and when he entered the delivery room he looked so stressed out and overwhelmed already. He started moving around periodically, completely ignoring me.”

Delivery rooms aren’t always the serene spaces, with candles and Enya, that we see in movies. The birthing process made Kevin a little frazzled, “He got more visibly stressed when my pain got intense. He took my hand when I started having contractions and kept clutching it almost stopping blood circulation. my entire arm went numb I felt strained and although I was in intense pain I saw his face, It was so red and there was a visible vain in his forehead that looked like it was about to blow up.”

During labour, the mum-to-be saw Kevin completely unravel, “It was not helpful at all, In fact, it was frustrating and affected my emotions negatively. But still, I was willing to suck it up then suddenly he started crying, like literally…sobbing really loud. This sent me into full panic mood. I found myself screaming telling him to stop several times and as a result he literally yelled back in my ear. The nurse got involved I told her to get him out of there. He tried to argue with me but wasn’t given a chance and was pressured to leave the room.”

Afterwards Kevin didn’t come back to meet the baby. Once the baby, a girl, was born, he stayed away upset that he was kicked out of the birth of his baby. When she returned home they argued that he had ‘ghosted her’ after the baby had arrived, “He kept lashing out when I said how bad it was for him to ghost me when I needed him. He said I shouldn’t expect him to stick around after cruelly and selfishly kicked him out the room and robbed him an opportunity to see our daughter’s first breathes. I explained he was causing me to panic with how he was crying but he accused me of making up excuses and I was purely at fault for kicking him out.”

Who did you have in the delivery room when you gave birth? Is it fair that she kicked out her husband when he got too stressed?

  • Bit rough from both sides.
    They have both ruined what should have been a joyful moment.

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  • Thankful for a quiet and supportive husband during births.

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  • I had my husband with my in the delivery room and was so happy with how calm he stayed. I ended up with a crash c sec (under GA) so if he’d been overly emotional I don’t know how I would have coped.

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  • That’s a sad story to hear honestly. Sounds like things weren’t great on a communication level and feelings were hurt.

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  • It sounds like a lot more than just crying. He wasn’t able to help her positively or calmly.

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  • She’s giving birth! She gets to have in there whoever she wants. Good call. I had my hubby, but he is an amazing support. I couldn’t have done it without him.

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  • Something like your child’s birth is important and your husband should of been there for you, my husband never wanted to be with me but never told me he never had any intention of being with me.

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  • My husband said, watching me go through so much pain, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop it, was the most difficult thing he has ever had to do. Yes we endure the pain of childbirth but imagine how traumatic it is to watch someone you love suffer so much pain. We have natural endorphins that kick in during labour, we can have the options of gas, drugs & even an epidural to help alleviate our pain, but the partners just have to sit there and helplessly watch. Yes they can hold our hands & help distract us but they know its not enough & naturally sometimes it can all be too much. Have you ever watched your child in pain & although you have tried to be brave & strong for them, you’ve ended up crying because there is nothing you can do to help?? In this situation the mother-to-be knew what her husband was like, so why wasn’t there a back up support person to step in if needed? He could have stepped back & experienced the birth while allowing someone else to give her the birthing support she needed. I’m not sure if I was him, I could ever accept being denied the right to watch my child enter the world :(


    • Yes I agree with you, it must have been very hurtful for the dad

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  • Oh no this sounds horrible! My husband was the only one with me for all 3 of my children and he pretty much just sat there doing nothing. I didn’t mind though because I didn’t want anyone touching me all speaking to me when I was going through the contractions.

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  • Ooh. This sounds bad for both of them. Ideally husband should have been there, but it’s not like you’re in a good position to negotiate calmly while you’re giving birth. I think maybe asking him to leave was the best solution in a bad situation.

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  • I had my hubby with me and after 14hrs of labour we kicked student midwife from the room ( please don’t judge)

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  • Wow that’s intense

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  • I can imagine the dad was hurt because he was kicked out entirely ! I think the midwife should have stepped in on the moment he was struggling and suggest him to take a break, a wee walk and deep breaths and come back in 5-10min when he is calmed down and possibly repeat that when needed. I feel he was given no choice. As the father of the child he’s just as important


    • What I mean is that the mum delivers THEIR baby, not HER baby



      • I respectfully disagree. He’s absolutely just as important to the child, but in that moment the mother is and should be the priority as the one giving birth… he was making it about himself and putting unnecessary stress on his wife who was going through labour and she had every right to ask him to go

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  • They are there for support and if she felt otherwise, she had every right to kick out anyone she wanted

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  • The pregnant person is the ONLY person who has a right to be in the delivery room. Everyone else in there should be supporting her, not selfishly making it all about someone else(even the father)!

    Reply

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