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A Mouths of Mums member says she doesn’t know what to do, after her high- schooler ended up wetting himself when his teacher denied him a toilet break.

The mum, who shared her story in the Mouths of Mums Forum, says her 12-year-old son is in year 7, and rarely asks to go to the toilet at school.

“He was in an Art lesson (he had a lesson before this, so it wasn’t just after break/lunch and the toilets are locked during lesson change) and asked if he could go to the toilet, it was 15 minutes in,” she explained.

“Teacher said no and he left it. Five minutes later he asked again and she said that she had already told him no and he said that he really needed to go and she said that he can’t.

“Five minutes even later, he got up and went over to her and said that he really doesn’t think he can hold it anymore and he seriously had to go and she told him to sit down and get on with his work.”

The mum says at this point her son wanted to just walk out and go to the toilet, but they are locked.

“You need a note to get the key and he went over to the sink (he said standing helped) and that’s the only way he could possibly keep it in. She said he was taking too long to wash his hands and he wet himself.

“He then went over to his teacher and asked if he could go to medical as he feels really sick and she then told him to stop it and stop trying to lie his way to the toilet. He sat down.”

“When the lesson was over he began to cry and the teacher went over and asked what the problem was and she obviously saw because before he answered, he said she began to just back away and start to write on the board and told him to just go to lunch.

“He got up and phoned me from the toilets and I went and got him (I pretended he had an appointment, someone else’s was cancelled so he got it quick (wasn’t true)) and now he refuses to go back, he thinks everyone saw, but by the sounds of things they didn’t?? I just don’t know what to suggest.”

The mum is now asking the Mouths of Mums community if she’s being unreasonable, or if the teacher was in the wrong.

“Fair enough if I’m being unreasonable or my son is, but just not sure what to do.”

Leave your advice in the comments below, or head to the Forum.

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  • While I understand how frustrating it can be for a teacher when kids ask to go to the bathroom mid lesson, and I am sure there are some non-genuine requests, but if a child asks to go they should be allowed to go. And if my children ever faced this situation, I’d definitely be bringing it up and complaining to the school.

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  • Straight to the principal I’d go and make complaints about the teacher and if the principal doesn’t do anything then I’d go to the education department that is not ok everyone has a right to go to the toilet that could have seriously caused bladder issues. Now he has refuses to be at school for embarrassment that’s not ok either. That so needs to change!

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  • Though the teacher may correctly assume that MOST 12 year olds can manage to get through a whole class without needing to pee, that is an assumption based on the best case scenario. There are many issues that could stop a child from being able to achieve this, from physical, mental, emotional and behavioural issues. My nephew is on the spectrum and no matter how many times you tell him to go to the toilet ahead of time, he has a fear of missing something, so this was constantly him throughout school. He wouldn’t go to the bathroom at recess and lunch, preferring to play with his mates, so inevitably needed to go during class, and often that was then an urgent need. Frustrating though that is for a teacher, he will learn better once he can take care of his need to go to the bathroom, so better that than a more disruptive child uncomfortably fidgeting, in need of the bathroom.

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  • Oh dear what a terrible time for your boy, yiu really need to speak to the headmaster first to let them know there is a real problem with the rule about being allowed to go to the toilet during lessons, also about them being locked (I could understand if they have a vandalism/ grafitti problem) during class times. If a child asks to go to the toilet they should be allowed to go, as long as they are back in a reasonable time. No child whether in prep/kindergarten or year 12 if they say they need to go then they need to go, they may have a medical condition where they can’t hold their bladder or bowels for any length of time OT it maybe a temporary problem like a bladder infection ( where holding for a length of time can be very painful and cause further damage to bladder) or a bout of diarrhoea. I cannot imagine the frustration of your son being denied access to toilet and to then wet himself in class in grade 7 must have been so embarrassing and I don’t blame him for not wanting to return thinking his classmates would make fun of him.
    I hope your son can return to school as soon as possible and maybe change teachers, it would be a shame if he had to change schools for the basic human right to go to the toilet when he needs to, not just when it is break times.
    Keep your chin up young man and if anything like this happens again just walk out and go to the office and let them know you need the toilet NOW please.

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  • I’ve told my child if they really need to go to walk out. They can pee on a tree. It’s different if they are always asking to avoid the work but sometimes you just have to go.

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  • This teacher was in the wrong and should be reported. I have only one kidney and could not hold on when I was at school, but there was never a problem in being able to go. This can cause serious problems medically with what they did.

    If your son feels self-conscious about what happened, I would look at another school for him.

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  • I would be reporting this teacher to the education department. This is denying basic human rights.

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  • This is totally wrong!
    I’ve told my kids in a very serious way, and ONLY if you are busting to just walk out!!! If the teacher goes to stop them PHYSICALLY there will be consequences!!! By my husband! I’m not ever the one to sort to violence but this is absolutely ridiculous!!!!! It’s a human right to be able to use a bathroom!!

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  • How awful that a child can’t go to the toilet. This sort of thing happens at my kids school too. It makes me mad.

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  • This is why I don’t support or agree with sending my children to school. This kind of controlling & disgusting behaviour on the teachers part is appalling.

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  • So sorry your son went through this. Give the school a call make a appointment with the Head Master and head of year 7 and ask them why a child is denied their basic right to go to the toilet when it is absolutely required. Everyone has different needs and your son may have a bladder that tells him it’s time to go NOW! Our school has a locked toilet policy but has a few toilets in the office area and kids can go there anytime. The child with bladder problems are known to their teachers and they need only to give the teach a nod, a had signal and the teacher and child know where he/she is going and returning in due time. These teachers are out of order and please let your son know his rights and sort this out now with the school as six years is a long time to have this fear at school.

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  • I did the same thing when I was 6! But I was too shy to ask the teacher if I could go to the toilet. It’s something you’d think I’d get teased about forever, but I didn’t, it wasn’t mentioned ever except by me

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  • I’m sorry this happened to your son. It is disgusting behaviour on behalf of the teacher. I do know there are schools where going to the toilet during class time is frowned upon due to those students who have abused it, but this is just wrong. As a child on the spectrum who did not want to go to the toilet during recess etc. for a number of sensory and social reasons, he used to hold on until the end of the day. This can cause medical problems. We need to exercise care, empathy and common sense. I would be complaining to the school.

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  • If that was me I would have just done it in the sink, that’s disgusting from the teacher she needs to go, I will tell my kids if they’re ever in this situation just get up and walk out!
    When you gotta go you gotta go

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  • That is incomprehensible that a teacher would do that to a child. I would have understood the teacher refusing if he did this all the time or they’d just finished recess. Shame on that teacher, she owes your son and you an apology.


    • Yes this teacher should be very embarrassed by her response and owes the boy a sincere apology !

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  • That is so bad and not acceptable. The consequences now have devastating results. Poor kid I feel his pain: embarrassment, humiliation, low self esteem and just fear.

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  • I responded on the forum and a few days later I still feel angry about this. I sincerely hope that the parent takes this a lot further. It is wrong on so many levels. The trauma that would have caused this child will be lifelong.

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  • Can we also recognise how physically unhealthy it is to not go when we need to. I can’t believe they lock the toilets in between classes. I actually had to say to a teacher once in high school I’m going to pee on this chair if you don’t let me go!! Like honestly I can’t believe kids even have to ask!

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  • It should be illegal for the toilets to be locked. Yes, kids do lie but he gave her fair warning so many times. She was cruel. Talk to the principal.

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  • You cant always control when you need to control. Its such a stupid rule seriously

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