'I'm Considering Divorcing My Husband Because He Wants A Son'

An expecting mum says she’s considering divorcing her husband after his gut-wrenching reaction at their gender reveal party – where they discovered they’re having triplet girls.

The 27-year-old mum-to-be has been with her 29-year-old husband for five years, and she says their marriage, and their entire life, had been perfect.

“Church on Sunday, loving husband, beautiful home, all of it,” she explained. “A few months into our marriage I became pregnant and my husband and I were overjoyed and so was the rest of our family. My husband was especially happy after finding out our baby was a boy as he’d always told me he wanted at least one son.

“I even started to try to attempt to repair my relationship with my mother so our son could have a relationship with his grandparents. I had originally cut off most contact with my mother due to how she treated my brother when he married his husband, though my brother said he was alright with my decision to try to get her back in my life since he still has love for her and my baby was her first grandchild.”

While everything seemed to be headed in the right direction, tragedy struck and the couple lost their baby.

“Our son ended up stillborn, and it broke me. I fell into a depression and even at one point considered taking my life, but my husband was there for me during all of it and we got through the grief. Our marriage felt stronger than ever and life started slowly feeling beautiful again, even if it no longer felt perfect.”

The couple eventually started trying again, and five months ago they discovered they were pregnant – this time with triplets.

“My husband and I were over the moon and he was the most doting and loving husband. Since we had always said we wanted 2-3 children we agreed we wouldn’t try for anymore children after this.

“Because of our and our family’s excitement for the triplets we decided to throw a baby shower and gender reveal party. We trusted my brother with the genders of the triplets and he bought some confetti cannons with the coloured streamers inside.

“The baby shower went wonderfully with my parents, in-laws, my brother and his husband and their daughter, and tons of friends and extended family. It was like a dream come true and I was so excited for the gender reveal. I don’t care what the gender of our babies was I just wanted healthy little babies, but my husband was clearly excited for potentially three sons.

“When the time came me, my husband, and my brother all shot a confetti cannon and all three shot out pink confetti. I was so excited and so was my brother but my husband screamed at the top of his lungs and hit the table in front of us, hitting it so hard that it actually broke.

“He screamed at me that I was supposed to give him at least one son because I killed his first one.”

“That’s when I burst into tears. I had been so broken up about our son’s stillbirth and a part of me had felt it was my fault, and now he my husband was, the love of my life, telling me that it was. My brother immediately stepped in and tried to get my husband to calm down but my husband shoved my brother, so my brother instead pulled me inside where I cried in the living room while my husband’s mother tried to calm him down. I could hear him screaming outside about how three daughters is too many, how he doesn’t want four kids but he also wants a son.”

Since the gender reveal, the expecting mum says her husband has barely uttered a word to her, and has been sleeping in the guest bedroom.

“When we do interact he’s clearly upset and mad and tries to argue with me. I tried to talk to him about it and asked about how he’ll be with our three daughters, but he spat at me and told me he will provide them shelter and food but he isn’t interested in daughters and doesn’t plan to have a close relationship with them. That sealed the deal that I want to divorce him and I cried myself to sleep last night.

“Earlier today I confided in my mother and MIL about all this but they told me I can’t divorce my husband just because he wants a son. I don’t want my daughters to grow up in an unloving household where their parents constantly argue and their father doesn’t love them.

“The moment my husband said I killed our son I felt as though I lost all love I had for him in an instant, and I don’t want my daughters to be in that kind of household. However both my mom and MIL say it’s just natural for men to want sons and that at least he isn’t saying he’ll mistreat them. They treated this as absolute fact and acted as though I’m just a silly little girl who doesn’t know anything, I felt incredibly small and stupid.

“I don’t know what to do. My mother and MIL make me feel like maybe I’m overreacting to my husband’s behaviour, but my brother says this is not normal as he and his husband are both men who absolutely love their daughter. I’m also not sure of what I’ll do with myself if I divorce my husband. I don’t work and I’m not sure how I’ll be able to find a job that can support me and three babies all on my own, or how I’ll make time for all of them when I have to work. I feel so lost and helpless.

“I’m torn on what to do because I worry divorce will be too brash of a decision and that maybe my mother and MIL are right. What should I do?”

Do you have any advice for the heartbroken expecting mum? Share it in the comments below.

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30 Comments

- - Mum2archer said
  - 27 Dec 2023
    8:59 pm
Wow, what an awful situation to be in. I really feel for you, as he is acting way out of line. A baby of either gender is a blessing. Maybe some counselling is needed

- - ella12 said
  - 23 Dec 2023
    9:44 pm
It is NOT your fault, your husband is abusing you. You need to consider counselling. I wish it all works out for you. Trust your mothers instinct xo

- - tessie said
  - 10 Dec 2023
    2:25 pm
That would have been so traumatic for you to hear he blames. I know it’s difficult but he may feel different when they are born ad he sees them. I hope it was just shock o his part but if not then you need to see if he will go to counselling with you. I wish you all the best and hopefully you can both move forward.

- - mom101628 said
  - 09 Dec 2023
    9:34 pm
A huge over reaction, but why didn’t your husband know the gender of the babies before the ‘reveal’ party. Surely it is something you would have discussed with him, not just your brother. If he was unaware, it would have been a shock to him, and he might have been feeling very strange that he didn’t know. I don’t forgive his behaviour but do think hard and long about how you will support your children if you divorce. It appears that help from your husband might not be all you would wish for considering his current stance. I don’t think he would have to worry about a fourth baby, after what has happened. Some form of help is definitely warranted for you both so that you can continue on with your lives, whether or not you divorce, you will need help.

- - mom486400 said
  - 08 Dec 2023
    5:55 am
To feel what you feel is okay. I would recommend that you both see a psychologist to start the healing process in regards to the remarks had and the relationship.
- Ellen replied
  
  10 Dec 2023 , 8:37 am
  Yes I agree, some psychological help may be good
- - ChiWren said
  - 07 Dec 2023
    2:00 pm
This is absolutely not okay, normal, tolerable. Please don’t stay in this situation unless your husband gets serious therapy for not only the ‘killed his son’ remark, but his disgusting views on having girls only, and acting as if you personally chose the gender of the babies. These little babies will be whatever, whoever they want to be, and they certainly don’t need a parent who will shame then for not having the bits he wanted them to. Honestly, this would be a deal breaker for me. I would start looking into a divorce and, if the space is available, move in with your brother until you have a plan. It’s almost 2024, your husband, MIL and mum have to get with the times! (Your mum has a lot of bigoted beliefs to work on, too)

- - sars_angelchik said
  - 07 Dec 2023
    1:54 pm
Firstly, the way he is treating her is absolutely horrible. That there is someone out there like that disgusts me! Both mother’s flippant attitude is disgraceful, when they should be trying to get the son to see reason. I can 100% say that the decision to divorce in this instance is warranted. He obviously has issues and unless this can be resolved, I don’t see a way forward for them. I think she needs to lawyer up and get a good property settlement. The father would also be required to pay child and perhaps even spousal maintenance. She shouldn’t worry too much about costs as there will be support for her there.

- - mom337867 said
  - 07 Dec 2023
    11:53 am
His reaction was definitely inappropriate and saying “you killed your son” is not acceptable, however I do think once the babies are born his attitude may change. My hubby originally wanted a son and his first was a daughter he said there was a split second of “oh” but then you get over it and then the kid. I know it’s not the same for everyone however.
I do think both parents should get some professional therapeutic support. Gender disappointment is real and the grief both have after losing their first is huge and there is a lot of harboured feelings that need to be addressed before any big decision such as divorce and before the babies arrive.

- - mom160270 said
  - 07 Dec 2023
    10:29 am
Wow, the husband’s reaction is worrying and frightening. He has had time to calm down after the gender reveal but is continuing his contempt and verbal abuse. I would not feel safe in this sort of environment.

- - rovermum said
  - 07 Dec 2023
    9:31 am
Awww, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s so unfair what you have already been through losing your son and the grief and trauma of that, to know have this pregnancy sullied by your husband and everyone else’s reaction. You need support, professional support, to help you through this. Your pregnancy will already be stressful as you try to reach full-term (or as full-term as they will allow you with triplets), with the trauma of the loss of your son. Please seek professional help to get you through this. His behaviour is not OK in any way at all, and I’m so sorry for you that others/family etc. are trying to justify it. I wish you well.
- mom160270 replied
  
  07 Dec 2023 , 10:31 am
  This is wonderful, thoughtful advice.
- - Ellen said
  - 07 Dec 2023
    8:53 am
Not justifying his attitude, but could it be a cultural thing ?
Son preference is particularly strong in a band of countries from North Africa through the Middle East and South Asia to East Asia. The strongest preference for sons has been found in India, Nepal, Bangladesh, Egypt, South Korea, and China.

- - mom223151 said
  - 07 Dec 2023
    12:15 am
Set boundaries and communicate effectively with him.

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 06 Dec 2023
    10:47 pm
Wow. He’s not Henry the eighth. His behaviour is quite immature and unreasonable. He should be doing a lot of grovelling.

- - mom169205 said
  - 06 Dec 2023
    9:07 pm
Had he been drinking to react that way? You need to talk to him again and see how he is feeling about the stillborn baby you had, triplets and about girls. He’s obviously very stressed out had alot to deal in a short space of time he also lost the baby as a father, had a suicidal wife, has just found out he needs to provide for 3 babies all at once and that they are all girls. You said no more kids so now your telling him he won’t get a boy either his life is changing fast and none of it is in his control. Now he will hear your talking divorce. You need to work through your problems by supporting each other

- - Dom's mum said
  - 06 Dec 2023
    8:52 pm
I only read the title of this article and thought ‘She’s wrong’ but I couldn’t have imagined what the husband said and did to her. I know gender disappointment is real but this is way too rude and unfair to the mum. She is not overreacting at all, way too many red flags with the husband.