Is it ever OK to have a favourite child?

If ever you’ve been asked if you have a favourite child, your immediate response is probably, ‘all of them!’ Or perhaps you’re one of the many parents who actually does have a favourite child, and is happy to admit it.

“Be honest, do you have a favourite kid?” a reddit user recently asked.

“Yes,” replied one person with utter honesty, “I also only have one child.”

Another joked, “No, they are both insane.”

While one mum was really honest, sharing, “I absolutely do. My middle son, 10, is a product of IVF and he is my absolute favourite. I love all my kids but that kid just takes the cake for me.”

The reality is, and research supports this, most parents have a favourite child. Dr. Tracy Asamoah says, “The question isn’t whether or not you have a favourite child, since it’s pretty clear that many parents do. Typically, favouritism has little to do with loving one child more. It is more about how your personality resonates with one child’s personality more than the other’s. Essentially, it’s a question of like.”

So why are we so hesitant to reveal the truth? Some parents might carry guilt around feeling this way, or worry that they’ll harm their kid by revealing who is a favourite.

Dr. Tracy Asamoah advises, “Instead of succumbing to guilt or resorting to denial, you can (and should) reflect on how you relate to each of your children, and make an effort to understand how your feelings towards each child can impact your parenting practices and the parent-child relationship.”

For some it’s not about having a chosen favourite, but a preferred child for doing particular things with, “They are each my favourite at different times. If I’m going to the amusement park – my daughter (3) is my favourite because she absolutely loves it. Her eyes light up with excitement. She just wants to ride, ride, ride,” one parent explained.

They continued, “If I’m checking out a new show – my son (6) is my favourite because he will totally immerse himself in it. He will learn all the characters names. He will discuss in depth what happened each episode. He will theme His entire day around that show (Camp Cretaceous caused a new love with his dinosaurs which he hadn’t played with in awhile)”

Do you have a favourite child? Or just a favourite kid to do particular things with?

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37 Comments

- - Dockerchic said
  - 28 Nov 2021
    9:08 pm
Never. Never. Never. Never. Never.

- - mom80165 said
  - 06 Oct 2021
    1:40 am
No I don’t think it is fine to have a favourite as the others would pick up on it and I saw in my sisters children she had one and it was so obvious and this child caused my sister to break up with her long time boyfriend after they moved into a house they were building and my sister could not see it was because of this spoilt brat that caused it.

- - Lizzie23 said
  - 01 Oct 2021
    10:35 am
My youngest is my fav (for now lol). I love all my children equally but I have days where I favour one over the others. My youngest also reminds me a lot of myself as a kid & we just have this bond. My husband has a different kind of bond with my middle child as he is a middle child as well.

- - ashna9 said
  - 14 Sep 2021
    5:46 pm
It’s not ok to voice it aloud but I’m sure many parents have a favourite child. I don’t have a favourite but one of my daughters is so much easier to get along with than the other.

- - jessies girl said
  - 01 Sep 2021
    10:26 am
Omg no its never ok to have a favourite. I love all my kids equally. I have been very lucky to have large gaps between them so have been able to spoil each. In saying that whatever * did for the first I did for the last. One day the oldest said 6ou never did that for me and I told him I did, came back later an said yes you did I remember. Kids feel terrible when they are singled out by being favourite. My mother terrible always has a favourite even with friends kids. It’s so wrong.

- - mumma said
  - 01 Sep 2021
    9:17 am
Yes, I have a favourite child and they alternate each day lol. It depends who behaves the most.
I think the article suggest to what personalities get along easier/better

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 01 Sep 2021
    12:20 am
I love them all equally. They are all different

- - snazzy007 said
  - 29 Aug 2021
    2:19 pm
I think like the article suggests you get along better sure to personality

- - tessie said
  - 18 Aug 2021
    10:30 am
I honestly don’t have a favourite child. My boys are special in many different ways which makes them both perfect for me. My late husband and I did have a favourite granddaughter though they never knew it then and they will never know. My grandson is a definite favourite but that’s only because he is so much like my husband it’s uncanny. I think you can have a favourite but you should never ever let them know. I was the middle child in my family and I was always told that. Funny thing though, when my Mum needed someone or something I was the one who had to sort it out for her.

- - mom462038 said
  - 16 Aug 2021
    4:13 pm
My parents would deny having a favourite. I think I was my dads favourite tho, I was the first born daughter after 5 boys, he often said how happy he was when I was born. My brother is my mums favourite. I think because she had to give up 1 son, when she had another, she loved him enough for 2

- - shanika said
  - 16 Aug 2021
    12:02 pm
This is very clear. Every mum wants less troubles from kids.

- - mumof3 said
  - 11 Aug 2021
    7:12 pm
I have 3 children and I can honestly say that I do not have a favourite. They are all so different and I love them all the same.

- - rovermum said
  - 11 Aug 2021
    11:35 am
I have an only child, so he is clearly our favourite. However, having grown up with 3 siblings, I do feel it is never okay to have a favourite child. It happens, it happened in our family with the oldest and youngest, and my psychologist bills prove the impact it had on me. So no, it’s not okay.
- Ellen replied
  
  13 Aug 2021 , 4:01 am
  Sorry to hear you’ve experienced this rovermum ! xx
  - Ellen replied
    
    13 Aug 2021 , 4:02 am
    
    And I agree, it’s totally not okay !
- - mom265671 said
  - 10 Aug 2021
    11:55 pm
This completely makes sense. You have a preference depending on the activity and I honestly agree.

- - mom462038 said
  - 10 Aug 2021
    5:04 pm
I think most parents won’t admit to having a favourite because they think it means they don’t love all their kids the same. As this article explains, it’s not about who you love the most, it’s who you resonate with the most. I enjoy time with both kids for different things