I think the biggest issue for me is that she has already told him clearly that this friendship makes her uncomfortable, and instead of taking her feelings seriously, he has dismissed them. The fact that it has continued for over a year and other parents are now noticing how close they are would definitely make me question what is really going on. Even if nothing physical has happened, I’d find the secrecy and disregard for her boundaries very hard to accept.

So your kids are at school, you said he invited the mum over to your house with her youngest child. Were you there? I would not like that. Messaging each other, then going out for coffee together, going into the woods together, she has become his friend. I would not want my husband to make another mum a friend like this. He’d be told my boundaries. If he disrespected them id end the relationship. I would not approve of this type of friendship with my husband and another woman. Yes I’m sure they chat at school she’s his friend it is normal for school mums to be friendly and chat to dads too, your friend noticing they get along, well you know that already it is most probably the reason why you are feeling so uncomfortable, as you know yourself they get along. Him being monitored and it reported back to you everytime they chat is strange. People do chat. If you don’t want him chatting to her at all you might then have relationship issues that go beyond him chatting specifically to her. He might not appreciate being told who not to talk to. It’s very controlling behaviour. He’d feel extremely annoyed and uncomfortable if you basically tell him he can’t talk to women much.

It must be a terrible position to be in. I would take him aside and tell him you want to have a conversation about him not listening to you. Tell him you are thinking about leaving the marriage if he doesn’t want to see a counselor. That should shock him into trying harder. You must be prepared to leave if he doesn’t toe the line though.

So when she had male friends in the beginning of their relationship, he hated it and she was sensible enough to stop these for him, but he gets all defensive when she brings up his relationship with this female friend ? This doesn’t sound right. The fact that other parents notice that something may be going on is an indicator too.
Personally I do believe it’s good to follow your gut.

Sounds like they are getting to close with each other they might be having an affair with each other

It must be so disappointing that he can’t see that it has become inappropriate. If he was meeting up in a playgroup setting with others it wouldn’t be so bad but one on one, regularly, is taking it too far. If others are noticing then I would definitely be concerned.

I agree with how you are feeling. It seems that he can have a female friend and spend plenty of time with her but you had to stop associating with your friends who were male. I think you need to confront them together and see if they get uncomfortable with the scenario. If so then you have your answer

Its horrible that your husband is not putting you first and doing all he can to calm your fears and respect you. Its the fact that he is like this that would upset me most and lead me to feel that this other woman is very important to him.
Perhaps ask to see his phone next time she messages and if he doesnt simply hand it over I would think he has things to hide.

This doesn’t sound like a good situation to be in and I feel for you. It does sound like he could be crossing a line here especially if other mums have noticed it and mentioned something to you. Good on you for being honest and raising it with him but for him to brush it off and continue with the friendship without understanding your concerns is not great. I don’t have any advice but wish you all the best in resolving this.

This isn’t a situation I’d like to be in, but I think the worst part is how dismissive the husband is being. If he were to validate her feelings and give some reassurance then maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal weighing on OPs mind. If this isn’t a reoccurring feeling or argument, there should be room for a conversation. I’d be unhappy if I were her.

Ouch! Poor thing! What a horrible situation! I personally think that communication is THE most important part of every relationship. They definitely need to discuss this without anyone’s feelings being dismissed!
They should both be each others number one priority and surely he could try and think how he would feel if the situation was reversed!

I do think that generally people worry too much about friendships that cross gender. It’s not always a bad sign – quite the contrary. However, as I’ve already said, the problem here is that he doesn’t seem to be listening to her concerns, and it’s the lack of interest in her feelings that’s problematic.

I would try to have an open and honest conversation with him and express your feelings in regards this matter. How it makes you feel that he dismisses your feelings, how he measures with double standards and that you even consider to call it quits. Try to find out you want and what he wants; you never know he actually wants a divorce

Definitely hard to digest thinking your partner could be flirting or getting on more than he should with another parent. As we dont know the full picture and dynamic of what they do, converse about etc, the best thing you can do is bring up your feelings and discuss it like adults and come to an agreement or attend counselling before calling it quits?

This is a dangerous situation for a marriage. It is still salvageable though if both parties are willing to work on it. I have at times struck up friendships with males as I seem to get along with them better than females and on my side it was completely platonic, but sometimes the other side could be reading more into it. It is about opening the communication lines and helping him to see how his actions are damaging to the relationship. Spend more time together and doing things for each other. You need to get back to where you were when you were dating and make it so that you are the one he wants to spend time with and vice versa.

Run – this is how affairs begin. Innocently to start with then something shifts

Whether they are friends or more than friends potentially, it’s the fact he dismisses your feelings and requests when raised, that speaks volumes. When he was uncomfortable with your male friendships, you compromised, but he wont. That’s selfish double standards. I would feel as uncomfortable about it as you do. Relationships need mutual respect – it doesnt sound like it’s a 2 way thing here. If it cannot be salvaged, then separation might be the option that needs to be considered. I think consider what YOU want, and if he continues to ignore your feelings, then perhaps there is your answer. Does he realise you are considering ending your marriage, or will it be seen as an ultimatum he will resist…..he’s kind of put himself in this position. Your partner should take priority over a friend, in my mind anyway.

This isn’t okay. You should probably tell him that you are thinking of divorce to see if it will nip this behaviour in the bud.
Also, have you tried reaching out to the other mum and letting her know you feel this way? If she is truly a girls girl she would back off!

It’s a inappropriate friendship and that’s just facts. There is no need for the two of them to hang out one on one and message between themselves constantly. If one of them hasn’t caught feelings they probably will. You have to think of it this way, is he unhappy at home or something missing in the relationship that he is wanting a new female friend so desperately ( cause it does seem desperate – the way he ignores his wife’s feelings of disapproval ) If he wants a friend well go make male friends. I’d be having more honest and open conversations with him and get to the bottom of it. He probably won’t admit to anything. If something does happen between them you’ll probably only hear of it cause someone will catch them out. I’d be very cautious of him. But obviously IDK if this women is telling us the whole story either, if it’s the whole story then yeah he is dodgy and suss as.

Yes I think this would make me uncomfortable too. He seems very dismissive of your feelings, whilst he himself was uncomfortable with you having male friend and you stopped those friendships for him; this seems unfair. An option could be that you have an open and honest conversation with him together with a counselor