Ok Ladies, this has to be said. And I hope that as I write this, you can see that I am pouring my heart and soul to you all. It might ruffle a few feathers, but it might also open a new perspective.

Why is there so much angst between women when it comes to body image, and success of a fellow woman? (And yes, I realise that there are also men’s body issues – but for this site, I am focusing solely on the female perspective.)

Why is there so much negativity or low sense of self when you see someone achieving their “ideal body transformation” or “ideal body weight”?

I was browsing through Facebook today and on 2 instances I saw a Page post up results of a couple of clients, and numerous times I saw comments such as “fake”, “not the same person”, “dodgy”, “no one wants to be like a stick” etc. And I also saw comments like “If she is so pretty and did that in 7 months, how long would it take me?!?!?!?”

The second example was actually by someone who herself was quite good looking, and by standards imposed on the world, would be classified as being slim. Yet, she thinks she is not pretty enough to make changes…or that she will take ages to see changes because she is not pretty enough.

It amazes me just how many times I hear about this. I have trained some absolutely awesome ladies, who are beautiful inside and out, and they think they are ugly. Or they think they can’t have it all.

One of them even looked at my wife and said “Lucky B*tch, wish I had her body” in a very quiet tone.

There is so much competition between women, that it is actually having a negative effect. It is creating a negative mindset. And with this negative mindset comes a self-protection, or as I like to call it self-fail mechanism of “see, I knew I couldn’t do it”. And once you see that, you won’t try it again or anything at all.

Here are a few tips that I will share with you, that I share with my female clients to keep them focused on themselves:

  1. It is not about what the other person has achieved – it is about the possibilities for you: Seeing an image of someone who has transformed – even if they have gone from a body fat of 10% to 8% is a very positive sign to say that you can do it too.
  2. What someone else can do, is not indicative of what you can’t do – So you see that lady doing chin ups. What makes you think that you can’t do that? It is proof that if you put in the hard work, you too can do similar. She might be there right now – but that DOES NOT mean that you won’t be there. Put in the work and enjoy the journey – and you WILL get there!
  3. Support each other – Time and time again, what I have found is that when my clients support each other, they raise the vibration of the energy in the group. Whether it is facebook or in person at a training session – if there is positive reinforcements or a “well done” high 5 – that boosts energy 100 times…or even 1000 times! My groups are built on that positive vibe – of course, I lead them, but if someone is out of line, they get banned/kicked out of the group. Support and positive energy yields positive results!
  4. Look in the mirror and love who you are – This is so important. You need to love every bit of you. And I won’t go into the details of it all – but you know what I mean. Look at your face – eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, eye brows etc – you HAVE to love yourself first before you can start to love your changes. If you do not, nothing is ever going to keep you happy.

So next time you see a transformational pic, regardless of if it is fake or not, why not see it in a different light.

Shift the positive focus on you. Say to yourself – that is proof. Look in the mirror and fall in love with yourself again. Smile, laugh, enjoy the good that you experience. And don’t hate the success stories – because those stories are telling you that you can do it too.

I hope that these tips help you to focus on yourself in a more positive light, and keep kicking down those doors and jumping hurdles on your quest to achieving your dreams.

Can you relate to this? Please share your comments below.

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  • Ive lost 11kg but because im short no one at all has noticed. I have though and im feeling quite proud of myself. Another female at work who in my mind didnt need to drop any weight at all has lost 8kg and everyone has noticed. Im not saying a word until someone picks up that ive lost weight :D


  • It is important to love ourselves but sadly so hard to do sometimes especially with all the negativity in the world.


  • Since joining my fitness class in March I have met a lot of lovely women, they all hold me up and praise me on my success and vice versa and as for the Instructor, he is so easy going that its not a chore to go but a fun social event. We all have a blast and so far I have seen no bitching etc.


  • Well, I used to think that I wasn’t pretty enough, not thin enough, not equal to my peers.
    But my mindset shifted as time goes by. I’m more mature now and I’m happy with myself just the way I am.
    My friends are all like minded women that we support each other like a second nature.


  • I can totally relate to this! I have been trying since forever to drop a few kilos, very unsuccessfully. I often see women who lost heaps of weight simply by doing something like cutting out fizzy drinks or dropping their weekend takeaways and by walking every second day. I get jealous. I always watch what I eat, I walk daily with 2kg weights round my ankles, I walk/jog (slowly increasing the jog part) 40 mins most days of the week. Then I spend 40 mins doing step ups (with the ankle weights!) or 45 mins of yoga or 40 mins on the WII. That’s every day of the week. Still I’m not dropping any weight. It’s depressing and I do get jealous of those who seem to have a much easier time losing weight


  • Its not an easy thing when you are told that you should not blow your own horn as thats very distasteful.
    There are so many mixed messages that are sent to girls as we grow up.


  • learning to love yourself is something to is hard to do but worth learning to do it


  • It is a mindset and something that is ingrained in us. When you’re told things often enough, it’s very hard to turn things around. I lost over 12 kilos and was in a size 8-10. I should have felt fantastic, but looking in the mirror, whilst I knew from my clothes I had lost a lot of weight, and the scales showed it too, I didn’t hear it in my mind. I had been told my whole life I was big, bigger than others, my bum was big, you name it! And this was from people I knew and loved and trusted. I’m now in my 40s and for the most part am wiser and happier with who I am and how I look. Yeah sure, I’d like to lose some weight, etc. but it doesn’t drive me as it once did.


  • Oh so true, if we can’t love ourselves how do we expect other to. Male and female we need to support each other in reaching our dreams. A bit like a teacher allowing each student to reach their maximum potential and feel special doing it.


  • An interesting view to turn negative/impossible things around.


  • Love the body you are in – then you can move on to doing great things.


  • I don’t recognize the part in your story where you talk about competing and negativity towards the achievements of other women (or maybe I don’t move in those circles). I do see that quite a lot of women have a low self esteem and put them selves down.


  • Another great read. Love this & I will print it out to read often. Thank you!


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