Mum shares how much she dislikes her child’s friends and asks the internet if she can have an input around who her child plays with.

The mum shared, “Do I have a say in choosing my child’s friends? My 5 year old son is ‘besties’ with a child who I can’t stand.

She adds, “He’s deceitful, dobs on my son all the time and is really manipulative.

“My son is sociable but isn’t that good at putting himself out there so when his friend makes an effort to play with him, he really likes it.

“I have chatted to the teacher but all she can suggest is making playdates with other kids to encourage him to play with others. Can I tell my son NOT to play with this kid? ”

Mums share their advice

This is a BIG issue in our house lately. We try to guide our son to play with other people, but he always gravitates back to the same children. It is such a tricky situation.

The response from mums around the subject was quite divided with some saying you definitely can tell your child who they can and can’t play with. While others argued that you really need to let them sort it out for themselves.

– “Yes, it’s our job as parents to do the best for our children & at that age they really can’t be expected to make the best decisions…”

– “You would be better to teach your son to be more assertive and deal with actual situations and show more tolerance. You really dont know what is going on with the other child or see exactly what happens. If your son likes this kid teach him how to handle him and put your bias aside.”

– “Absolutely! I’ve done it. My boys are now very good at picking their friends. Gotta point out what a snake looks like whether is slithers or walks on 2 legs.”

– “It will only make him want to do it more in my experience. Let him be..unless the other child gets nasty with him and then intervene. Nothing you can do about it at school probably but I would not be letting the child come to my home though.”

– “You can do what you like, but telling him directly who he can and can’t play with might be confusing without explaining why, and realistically I’m not sure it’s appropriate to tell your son you don’t like a 5 year old. ”

– “It depends. Is the other child really as bad as you say, or are you just seeing them this way? Either way, you need to let your son live and learn. How will he ever know the difference between a deserving friend and one not worth his time if you keep deciding for him?”

Have you had any issues with your kids friendships?

Join our Facebook discussion below:

  • I’ve done it — or steered him in another direction and encouraged alternative friends and play dates. Absolutely, you can if there are some serious issues with the chosen friends.


  • It’ s up to your children who they are friends with, you can only guide them in the right direction.


  • There were boys my son was friends with that I didn’t particularly like but it was up to him who his friends were. I never let those boys at my house and never let my son go to their house. I’d get them to meet at the park and I made sure I went along as well. My son soon learned they weren’t friends after all since they only wanted to be friends if they could come to our house.

    • Yep, we’re a bit similar with that. If they only want to hang out to play with your toys then they’re not your real friends!


  • Your children have to learn how to choose friends wisely – we cannot do it for them. And the only way they do this is by having many friends and realizing for themselves who is a good friend and who is a snake in the grass. They usually learn quickly if left to their own devices.


  • There is always going to be children that you don’t want your kids to play with, but we can’t decide for them.


  • This certainly hits home. There are kids you just sometimes don’t want your children socialising with but they have to go through the motions themselves.


  • I wouldn’t ban him or anything, but I wouldn’t hesitate to point out how bad certain behaviour is.


  • Oh yes absolutely. I’ve done it though with discussion about what a good friend is and what a good friend isn’t. It’s never been specifically about a child – just in general. After lots and lots of these discussions, my kids know which kids are good for them and treat them well. In the mean time, I don’t invite these other kids around at all. We’re always polite and civil and I teach my kids to be nice and kind to them still but hopefully encourage them to play with other kids who treat them better at school.


  • Interesting to hear how many have done it. Hard if the friend is not really a friend. I would talk to my child rather than manipulate the relationship


  • It’s interesting to get other people’s perspective


  • you can encourage the kids in making good choices by explaining to them what a good friend is and how a good friend behaves. you can also stop certain children from coming to your house. but at the end of the day if the kids are friends they will always find a way to play together at school.


  • You make the decision of children you have in your house at that age, not them. Don’t accept play dates at their place either. If your son is shy he may have difficulty making friends and some may take advantage of that.


  • She can guide them but kids make their own choices.


  • This is a hard one and I have definitely been in this position before with both my kids when they were in primary school. Playdates are the worst when you have that child you don’t like come over and have to put up with them for a few hours. I have actually made up excuses to get out of a couple of playdates just so we could avoid them coming over. Made a couple of lucky escapes when the other family has moved to another area and the friendship has ended. I have had to bite my lip plenty of times because you try and do what’s right for your child. In the end my daughter realised one particular friend was so toxic and clingy that she came to me and said she wanted the friendship to be over so I told the mum. It didn’t go well as we were seen as the bad ones but things settled down and life got easier.


  • I think you can point out little things that you don’t like.


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