“I’m never alone but I’m forever lonely. I feel so unfulfilled sometimes”.
“How can you be lonely and unfulfilled? You have a baby.” My friend said that to me after I complained.
But yeah, at the risk of sounding like an ungrateful bitch. I am lonely and unfulfilled some days.
You see, stay at home mothers, We are never alone. I always have six hands crawling all over me. I have loud voices and demands. But I am alone, I am isolated.
Sometimes I miss my old life. Mothers are so afraid to say that out loud. Why don’t you go back to work? Or end your maternity leave now? Why did you have kids? This is what you signed up for? I wish I could stay home. How can you complain and be so ungrateful? You wanted children. I’d kill to be where you are.
So we stay silent.
We don’t talk about how tough it is
We don’t talk about how much we miss our old selves
We don’t talk about crying from frustration and locking ourselves in the bathroom
We don’t talk about how we don’t even want to have sex anymore because we are too damn tired and don’t feel like ourselves
We don’t talk about never going out again
How our bodies are lost to quick snacks and leftovers from pure exhaustion
How we lost friends because we are “just a mum” to them now.
We don’t talk about trying to get everything done but not having a minute to do it all, so the house is a mess, we look like a mess and we feel like a mess.
We don’t talk about how we yell and scream and beat ourselves up for it.
And we don’t talk about needing a break. Because people think we are on a long one. Because our jobs aren’t considered real because we don’t get paid.
We stay silent because of judgement and for guilt.
But we shouldn’t. We shouldn’t stay silent just because we don’t have a 9-5 and we don’t want to appear ungrateful. Our job is 24/7. So DON’T stay silent. Voice it. Voice your loneliness, your isolation and unfulfillment, because it’s not your fault you feel this way. It’s not. Motherhood is just fucking hard.
It’s unfair that we get pegged as being depressed when all we really need is some time alone from our kids and some time with our partners and friends and you mama, you DESERVE THAT. Your sanity and happiness deserve it. Your children and you need it. Because a happy mama is a good mama. It’s NORMAL to feel lonely and unfulfilled, tired and frustrated, but you don’t have to put up with it nor stay silent. You are important and your feelings matter.
You might feel lonely, but you’re never alone because so many of us understand you and appreciate you.
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