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August 30, 2018

10 Comments

“I’m never alone but I’m forever lonely. I feel so unfulfilled sometimes”.

“How can you be lonely and unfulfilled? You have a baby.” My friend said that to me after I complained.

But yeah, at the risk of sounding like an ungrateful bitch. I am lonely and unfulfilled some days.

You see, stay at home mothers, We are never alone. I always have six hands crawling all over me. I have loud voices and demands. But I am alone, I am isolated.
Sometimes I miss my old life. Mothers are so afraid to say that out loud. Why don’t you go back to work? Or end your maternity leave now? Why did you have kids? This is what you signed up for? I wish I could stay home. How can you complain and be so ungrateful? You wanted children. I’d kill to be where you are.

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So we stay silent.
We don’t talk about how tough it is
We don’t talk about how much we miss our old selves
We don’t talk about crying from frustration and locking ourselves in the bathroom
We don’t talk about how we don’t even want to have sex anymore because we are too damn tired and don’t feel like ourselves
We don’t talk about never going out again
How our bodies are lost to quick snacks and leftovers from pure exhaustion
How we lost friends because we are “just a mum” to them now.
We don’t talk about trying to get everything done but not having a minute to do it all, so the house is a mess, we look like a mess and we feel like a mess.
We don’t talk about how we yell and scream and beat ourselves up for it.

And we don’t talk about needing a break. Because people think we are on a long one. Because our jobs aren’t considered real because we don’t get paid.
We stay silent because of judgement and for guilt.

But we shouldn’t. We shouldn’t stay silent just because we don’t have a 9-5 and we don’t want to appear ungrateful. Our job is 24/7. So DON’T stay silent. Voice it. Voice your loneliness, your isolation and unfulfillment, because it’s not your fault you feel this way. It’s not. Motherhood is just fucking hard.

It’s unfair that we get pegged as being depressed when all we really need is some time alone from our kids and some time with our partners and friends and you mama, you DESERVE THAT. Your sanity and happiness deserve it. Your children and you need it. Because a happy mama is a good mama. It’s NORMAL to feel lonely and unfulfilled, tired and frustrated, but you don’t have to put up with it nor stay silent. You are important and your feelings matter.

You might feel lonely, but you’re never alone because so many of us understand you and appreciate you.

This post originally appeared on Laura Mazza – Mum on the Run Facebook page

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  • Wow very true for some i can relate, my partner is always busy work if not sleeping and if not that studying. We only have a conversation like how was your day but that is it.

    Every mum needs adult conversation or it will drive you insane like i did. Never give up :)

    Reply

  • Absolutely true, even when you love your kuds and are grateful for them.

    Reply

  • People forget that Mums crave adult conversations. Some, the fathers work night shift and night time is when some Mums find it the hardest. The Dads sleep during the day so they don’t really benefit during the day either. A lot of Mums don’t like taking their babies out at night partly for safety reasions. Single Mum miss out on Adult conversation a lot too.

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  • this is exactly right, people just don’t get it

    Reply

  • 100% truth this post. Amen

    Reply

  • I think loneliness is an issue for people in all walks of life, living in lots of different situations

    Reply

  • Our world can become small when we take care for children. Lack of adult communication can sure make us feel lonely.

    Reply

  • Totally normal to feel lonely at times. Nothing to feel guilty about

    Reply

  • Parenting can be lonely sometimes.

    Reply

  • This voices all my frustrations as a mother. People look at you like you’ve grown a third head for vpicig any of this but losing your independence and personal space takes a toll.

    Reply

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