The mum-to-be says her partner’s surname is very unusual and she doesn’t want her child to be teased.

A worried mum has taken to popular parenting forum Mumsnet to ask if she is being unreasonable to not want to use her partner’s surname for her baby. With the baby due any day now, the mum said that the situation is causing tension between her and her partner as he is adamant that the baby will have his name.

Opinions Divided

The mum-to-be says that despite choosing the rest of the baby’s name without a problem, difficulty arose when deciding which surname the baby would take. “(My partner’s) surname is very unusual and when hearing it for the first time, people often laugh,” she said. “I feel like it’s unfair to inflict the name (it is quite awful, it’s hard to describe without actually saying what it is) on a brand new person!” The mum says she tried discussing it with her partner but he didn’t like any of her suggestions. “I have suggested that she could have my name, we could choose a new name, we could all have a new name…but he is adamant,” she said.

For The Best

Commenters on the post encouraged the mum not to give in to her partner’s request. “I think your reasons are sound,” wrote one forum user. “If he’s determined for the baby to have his surname, tell him it’s double barrel or nothing, at least giving your child the chance to drop the embarrassing name if it becomes an issue for them.” Others pointed out that the mum was as much entitled to use her surname for her child as her partner. “Why are some people so obsessed with babies being given the father’s name?” said one commenter. “They seem so personally offended at any other suggestion.”

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We think this mum should ask her partner to consider what is best for their child – if he experienced bullying at school as a result of his name, perhaps it would be worth considering a change? Double barrel surnames are so on-trend at the moment!

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  • There’s no law that the kid has to have the dad’s surname. If it’s really awful, she should ask if he was teased at school and would he want his kid to be teased too.


  • I’m assuming that they are not married so why should the child have to use his surname? Kids are being bullied over stupid things these days so he should think about the child and not himself. Life is tough enough these days. I think the partner should just be happy he will be a father period.


  • I can now only imagine what his surname might be and guessing it may be associated with something rude. A double-barrel name is certainly an option. Or, in this day and age, why does it still need to be the man’s surname? It’s obviously between these two to decide… here’s hoping it’s not a deal breaker.


  • I always thought it was strange that we accept the tradition of taking the fathers surname, I think it is a choice we should make what is best for the child’s future and that seems to be what the mother is thinking of.


  • It’s hard to comment without knowing what the surname is. Maybe it isn’t as bad as she thinks.


  • This is just stupid and insulting to her partner. Isn’t she being just as bad as anyone who has laughed?


  • I’d love to know what the surname is so I can make an informed comment.


  • I think it depends on the situation here. My mum gave me her surname as she and my father weren’t married and had an on and off type relationship. If they got msrried, would she take the surname? If the answer is yes, give the kid the same name and if not, then don’t. But also, if tables were turned, how would she feel?


  • Depends on the name in know a family changed their name from Hoare to Horton to avoid the child being bullied and my friends changed the spelling of their last name to avoid the name being said as spelled as it is a foreign name. You must work something out it’s definitely not a given the father gets the name.


  • Tough one. Most cultures the baby takes it’s father’s name. I am inclined to agree with most comments on the two surnames being used. But really without knowing the “offensive” surname its really quite hard to say. I was teased with both my first and last name (neither are funny, they just get changed into offensive words), but I’ve survived.


  • hyphenate the surname, why is yours so much better than his? If kids want to bully someone they will find a way whether it name or hair colour or shoe size. I don’t think ou realise how insulting you are being to your partner by saying this about his name


  • Ouch, that’s a hard one but in the end doesn’t both parents have the right to have their surname on the baby’s birth certificate. She may end up single for her decision


  • it is something that needs to be decided by them. The childs best interest should be the most important thing.


  • If it’s really that bad then I think maybe some sort of negotiation is needed between the two! I know of a man in his 30’s who decided to change his surname and also his wife and kids too because it wasnt a very nice name. If that made them all happier then good on them!


  • My daughter has double surnames: my husband’s and mine. Solved. :-)


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