A mum has asked if it would be unfair to tell her husband that she wants to spend her first Mother’s Day without his family around.

A mum has taken to Reddit to ask if would be unreasonable to ask her husband to spend Mother’s Day without his family around. The mum says it is her first Mother’s Day and she would like to have some control over what is involved, rather than catering to her mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law.

Needing Some Space

After having lunch with her husband’s family, the mum says she felt like she had no say in what Mother’s Day would involve. “This Mother’s Day will be my first official Mother’s Day as a new mum,” she wrote on the forum. “That said, it will most likely be my grandmother-in-law’s last Mother’s Day. I would really like to spend my first Mother’s Day with just my own nuclear family (my husband and my son), but at lunch with my mother-in-law today, she basically told us what we would be doing for Mother’s Day and that we didn’t have a choice.”

The mum says that her history with her mother-in-law also makes the situation more difficult. “I think I’m especially sensitive to big family plans with my husband’s family because she often makes plans FOR us rather than asking,” she wrote.

New Priorities

Comments on the mum’s post sympathised with her situation. “The grandmother is not your mother and it’s not like it’s her last day,” wrote one forum user. “Your husband has a new family now, and new commitments.” “Start putting your foot down,” said another. “Don’t let her ruin your lives.”

While most believed the mum was entitled to her ideal Mother’s Day, others said the decision is a little selfish. “She’s your husband’s mother and your baby’s grandmother,” one comment said. “Maybe you can find it in your heart to graciously grant her this Mother’s Day, from one mum to another.”

Are you going to spend Mother’s Day with your mother-in-law? Let us know in the comments!

  • I can imagine that the fact that mil demands and not leaves no choice is very unpleasant and puts you maybe off. Add to that it’s your first Mother’s Day and you rather spend it with your own wee family and may feel already convinst what to do. However your husband at feel different about it and it may be good to listen to what he thinks as well


  • Maybe let her know that you will be available to come around later in the day. Wonder what your Mother-in-Law would say if you said you were going to spend the day with your Mum instead.


  • We don’t spend every mothers day with our mums, but every couple we do, just depends on plans


  • I guess you just need to do what is right for you.


  • I’m so happy my mother in law isn’t the type of person to tell us how we should spend mothers day! We spent time with her the week before, and spent part of the day with my own mum. I don’t think it would be fair to spend the whole day with other people. Maybe part of the day but not the whole day.


  • I remember i spend only one mothers day with my mother in law. When she was here i completely focus on making plans for her.


  • I stopped having any contact with my mother-in-law a few years ago now and I’ve never been happier. A toxic and abusive household, it took me (and hubby) many years to finally break away. And this includes using children/grandchildren as pawns, domestic violence, toxic culture, lying, drugs, and with other grandchildren on the run in some part of the country. I now feel safe and happy in my life without my in-laws in it.


  • I’d put my foot down, spread the day out. Morning (breakfast) was for me and my hubby and son, lunch was spent with my Mum and Nanna, then we seen my MIL in the late afternoon for tea and coffee. There’s 3 meals for the day, it can be spread out.


  • My parents and in laws live in Europe, so we can’t spend mother’s Day with them anyway. But when you can’t celebrate with them for whatever reason, I assure you that you would love to :)


  • Personally I love the idea if all the mums celebrating together as it’s special. If you had a difficult mother in law though that could be a tricky situation!


  • If you used to all celebrate together before you were a mother I cannot see what difference it would make now. I am sure you can celebrate before the get together and every would want to celebrate with you now being a mother.


  • It’s a tradition for our families to spend Mother’s Day breakfast together.
    I couldn’t imagine not seeing my mother-in-law, I love her.
    I don’t think it’s fair on the husband, the child and the in-laws to not be able to see each other. It’s a day of celebration.


  • Mother’s Day is just an over kill
    Just spend the day with the mother in-law you can spend every other weekend just a family I say choose your battles


  • Mother’s Day is special as a new Mum so I agree she should have her special time with her husband and baby but she should make an effort to share the baby with significant women in its life


  • Being a Mother of 6, Grandmother of 11, Great Grandmother of new bub, I have never put pressure on any of them. Many of my grandkids with partners have 2 mothers and 2 grandmothers so they can’t be expected to visit each one. I will visit one son for afternoon tea, joined by one daughter, two grandsons and their partners, perfect. My family regularly thank me for taking pressure off them at busy times.

    • Well done mum 106278, that is beautiful !


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